interweb
Entertainment Blogger Who Claims To Have ‘Finger On The Pulse’ Of Showbiz Can’t Comprehend The Brilliance Of Chris Crocker, Earns Our Pre-Caffeine Ingestion Early Morning Ire
9:09AM Jess McGuire | Will there ever be a blog associated with a major newspaper that doesn’t make us want to claw our eyes out when we peruse it? Will there?* Because a quick glance around News Ltd’s Entertainment blog today riled us right the bloody fuck up, pardon our language!
To wit (although ‘wit’ may not be the best choice of words in this situation).
OH, dear … remember Chris Crocker? You know, the guy who lost it over the world’s treatment of Britney Spears? Well, now we hear the 19-year-old internet superstar has been offered his own TV show.
AND WHERE DID YOU ‘HEAR’ THIS EXCLUSIVE SCOOP, SIR? DID YOU PERCHANCE READ ABOUT IT IN A NEWS LTD PAPER BACK ON THE 20TH OF SEPTEMBER, HUH?
There’s only room for one blog who regurgitates old news in a mildly ridiculous way whilst pretending to be cutting edge in this online town, and Defamer Australia is quite prepared to resort to menacing interweb behaviour (perhaps a cutting comment insinuating something unflattering about your mother, specifically her worrying BMI?) to maintain the stranglehold on the position we hold so dear.
News Ltd’s so called “Entertainment editor” continues.
I can’t think of anything worse than seeing Crocker yacking on about popular culture and celebrities. Chris, you were only fascinating when we thought you were serious about your Britney obsession. But credit to you for pulling the wool over most people’s eyes.
Chris Crocker is a tanned, camp, emotional god – and his eloquent defence of Britney Spears moved us to tears and became our “official stance” during the recent Britney/Gimme More (Time To Rehearse) debacle. How dare you call yourself an entertainment editor if you cannot grasp the glory that is Christopher Crocker and his squealing-but-often-insightful brand of current affairs!
*After reading this ABYSMAL and HORRIFYINGLY INCORRECT anti-Chris Crocker tirade, we’ve decided you aren’t so bad Bianca Dye. Maybe. We’ll reassess your blog and give you some pointers, if you’re still willing. Do let us know.
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Mad Chinese Haxx0rs Bring Da Uber Pwnage To Australian Computer N00bs
10:17AM Clem Bastow | We love nothing more than a bit of “cyber terror” fear-mongering, so we offer hearty thanks to the News Ltd team this morning for bringing us some truly epic lulz on the topic of Chinese “hackers” breaking into New Zealand and Australian government computers via t3h int3rw3b5.
The Howard Government yesterday would neither confirm nor deny that its agencies, including the Defence Department, had been subject to cyber attack from China, but government sources acknowledge that thwarting such assaults is a continuous challenge.
“It’s a serious problem, it’s ongoing and it’s real,” one senior government source said.
Just re-read that “senior government source” quote, but do it out loud, and in the Hollywood Blockbuster Trailer Voiceover. With quotes like that coming from high up within the governments, not to mention recent LULZ including a 16-year-old “hacking” the new Govt porn filters, we suspect the government’s issues are less about hackers, but more of the PEBKAC variety. More » ‘Truly Epic LULZ’ – Fox News Blows The Lid On Hackers
11:33AM Jess McGuire | Marvel at this EXPLOSIVE (both in current affairs terms and the stock footage sense) story from Fox 11 News about evil internet hackers and their internet hate campaign against those they dub ‘LULZ killers’.
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR TRULY EPIC LULZ JOURNALISM.
Even though we barely understand hacker speak at the best of times, we found – and it may be the sleep deprivation, folks – that some of the comments on the YouTube comments made us chuckle heartily too.
- MAOR MOAR!!!! I WANT MOAR
- domestic terrorists LULZ … HIS GIRLFRIEND LEFT HIM EPIC LULZ
- “I didn’t know I was an emo bitch until they called my mom and she told me about it.”
- YOUR HATE ONLY MAKE MY PENIS HARDER
- I WAS A LULZ KILLER FUCKIN SNACKS
Via Born Dancin’ who thoughtfully grabbed it from the b3ta newsletter and brought it to our attention because we were too distracted by Australian Idol to read it ourselves. More » Google-Journalism At Its Best
6:54AM Busty St Clair | Gotta love it when young cadet journos get the greenlight to do a Page 7 story on something, like, totally Gen-Y. When Adriana Saw broke up with her Sydneysider boyfriend of 11 months, she decided to get back at him – and his city. The 23-year-old took her modern day revenge and started a “Melbourne is better than Sydney” group on social networking website Facebook. Started as an in-joke between her friends, word of mouth and Facebook’s booming popularity has seen the group swell to more than 6000 members in four months. Oh god, like, that’s like, totally not a news story, but clearly NEWS.com.au is desperate for traffic and will resort to anything to get more office drones commenting on its articles. And what better way to send the server into meltdown that by trotting out the old “Melbourne V Sydney” chestnut. Incidentally, other Facebook groups we love are “If You Can’t Differentiate Between ‘Your’ and ‘You’re’ You Deserve To Die” and “The Daily Telegraph is Only Good for Wiping One’s Arse When There’s No Toilet Paper” * (* We just made that one up, but if someone wants to create it, we will totally join!) More »
You Can’t Believe Everything You Read Online
10:57AM Busty St Clair | British actor Malcolm McDowell wants to set the record straight. Stanley Kubrick did not give him an irrational and long-lasting fear of eye drops while making A Clockwork Orange. The star played Alex de Large in the controversial 1971 film, with his violent character forced to continually watch a montage of human atrocities with his eyes prised open with clamps in a bid to “reform” him. Rumours abound McDowell now has a fear of eye drops after Kubrick forced him to keep his eyes open for 24 hours, but the actor insists the oft-quoted trivia is unfounded. He says, “No (it’s not true)! I wish they would take that off the f**king internet!” Malcolm, are you saying that we can’t believe everything we read on the internet? Who knew? PS: Ironically, you can believe this. No really, you can. More »
Avril Lavigne Cleverly Combines Public Thank You To Her Supporters With Spruiking Of Husband’s New Album
11:30AM Jess McGuire | Avril Lavigne’s popped on the akubra and turn Molly Meldrum all of a sudden in her latest bulletin to MySpazz friends. While thanking her supporters for their loyalty over the tumultuous past few weeks where every man/woman and their respective dogs are claiming to have written her hits, Avril sees an opportunity to mix business with pleasure and throws in a music purchasing recommendation to her face(book)less massive.
Subject: Thank you, From Avril.
Body: Hey everyone.
I wanted to take this time to thank you, my fans for all your undying support. You have been amazing and i can’t express how much i appreciate it. Thank you all so much. I am so proud of this record and grateful for the response it has been getting from all of my fans. You made it go 1!!
also,
there is another great record i’ve been listening to lately. And i want you all to hear it too. The new SUM41 album called Underclass Hero comes out in 1 week on july 24. You can hear the whole album now for free here:
http://www.mtv.com/music/the_leak/sum_41/underclass_hero/
my favorite songs are “With Me”, “Walking Disaster”, “Best of me” “Confusion and Frustration”
It rocks you have to check it out. And of course you can also check out myspace.com/sum41 for more info.
Thank you all again, you mean so much to me.
Avril Lavigne,
We suppose every SUM41 album sold means more money for husband Deryk Whibley to put towards a cause close to Avril’s heart… Avril.
PS: We love that her name now ends with a comma for no reason whatsoever. More » MySpace Versus FaceBook
11:20AM Jess McGuire | Surprisingly not all that long after they heartily embraced the wonder of MySpazz, the mainstream media are in the middle of a love affair with FaceBook. As is the rest of the nation. The social networking site seems to have exploded over the past two months in Australia, and we can personally attest to the large number of people who have abandoned MySpazz for CrackBook/FaceFuck/StalkBook.
But there is one man who refuses to be sucked into the FaceBook hype. He is our favourite new blogger, the very wonderful Dan Luscombe from The Drones. He recently penned an amazing rant against FaceBook that nearly resulted in Defamer Australia deleting its own profile, so passionately and articulately did Dan argue for the pro-MySpazz cause.
He wrote it as a two part “note” on his own FaceBook profile, and has given Defamer Australia full permission to republish it as it is, quite frankly, fucking funny and deserves a wider readership.
VALE MYSPACE? 3:05am Sunday, Jul 15
What is it???
What is the attraction to this convoluted website? Where exactly does the appeal lie in this eyesore of an interface? This overly-intrusive, money-grabbing venture.
Yeah. Money grabbing. At least Myspace never asked me for my credit card details at any point. They want me to pay a fucking dollar to sent somebody a pathetic 3×3 cm GIF of a fucking “sock monkey”. Why don’t they just let me send it for free? Is it so the act of “sock monkey” giving doesn’t get abused and run rampant throughout everybody’s profiles? Well, I simply don’t wish to give everybody a “sock monkey” y’know. I can discipline myself in this practice, without the hurdle of a credit card payment.
More » Another “Celebrity” Jumps Aboard The Blogging Bandwagon
3:46PM Jess McGuire | Nothing makes us happier than when celebrities C-grade and upwards decide to “log on” to that strange, magical place known as the internerd and bless the common people with regular offerings containing their intelligent, knowledgeable, personalised take on life, love and the pursuit of happiness.
We’d like to wholeheartedly welcome radio announcer Bianca “I Have Located My Ampersand Key And I Am Not Afraid To Use It” Dye to the blogging club. Wow, first Mia Freedman and now Bianca? Should we buy a Lotto ticket?
First topic tackled by our comrade-in-blogging? Threeways.
“WHAT A COINCIDENCE, I WAS CONSIDERING A MENAGE A TROIS BUT NEEDED A NOVA STAR’S PERSPECTIVE BEFORE I COULD COMMIT TO A STEAMY NIGHT OF MICHAEL BUBLE RECORDS AND DOUBLE PENETRATION!”
Ho ho, dear reader. Clearly it’s your lucky day, as Bianca has some thoughts.
Wow. I never thought I was old fashioned. I actually take pride in the fact that I’m quite cheeky & open-minded when it comes to things in my relationships. But I’m not sure I could imagine ever being in a relationship where I would willingly share my partner.
Apparently it’s the big “thing” rite now – to “share the love†so to speak—& I have to say it makes me a little uncomfortable.
It’s the big thing right now? Well, this certainly explains the spit-roast we saw in the Myers window this morning on our way to breakfast.
Bianca goes on.
More » The Dramatic Chipmunk Is Dead, Long Live The Dramatic Chipmunk
12:26PM Jess McGuire | We’re well aware the Dramatic Chipmunk has “jumped the shark” (click here to see him do so in a literal Happy Days fashion) but as a kind tipster pointed out, “this particular dramatic chipmunk deserves an Emmy”.
Doesn’t it though?
Please also enjoy a “Best Of” created in honour of the furry little nugget of comedy goodness. More » Death Of The LOLcat
3:00PM Jess McGuire | There’s nothing we internerds hate more than when a nonsensical web joke slowly crawls its way to the mainstream media, who then analyse it within an inch of its life and completely kill any of its charm. The latest victim?
LOLcats. We were right the hell into ‘em “back in the day” but reading this description of why they’re funny just threw a damp old blanket on the phenomenon.
“It’s important to remember that some of these pictures would be hilarious without any caption at all, just due to the ‘cute and fuzzy’ factor of the cats themselves,” he says.
“However, I think the real beauty comes with the captions. The child-like grammar tends to evoke the sort of sympathy one has for any child or foreigner struggling with the language one speaks.
“In the same way that a child saying ‘Miss teacher, I has a stomach ache’ is cute, these image captions are cute. When cats are making grammatical errors, it’s just a whole new layer of cute.”
Urge to laugh… fading… fading…
Here’s a detailed guide as to the different types of LOLcats, courtesy of News Ltd.
LOLcat lingo
There are a few regular types of LOLcat jokes, all of which are written in internet slang or “kitty pidgin”.
The most popular type is in the form “I’m in your X, Ying your Z”, such as “Im in ur fridge, eatin ur foodz†over a picture of a cat in a refrigerator.
Another is the “invisible X”, such as “invisible swimming pool” with a picture of a cat caught in mid-air and looking as if it was practising freestyle stroke.
Another involves the phrase “let me show you them”, where “them” refers to an object the cat is obsessive about.
Just wait til they do a retrospective on the amazing I Has A Bucket trend of yesteryear!
What’s the new LOLcat, by the way? We understand that Dramatic Chipmunk has also jumped the shark, you see, and we’re craving some new idiocy. More » 