indiana jones
Meticulously Rendered, Commie-Eating ‘Indy’ Ants Fail To Win Over Academy’s FX Branch
7:30AM Seth | Lucas’s Folly XVIII: Something About Glass Skulls’s long journey from fanboy dream-project to yet another chapter in The Big Book of Cinematic Disillusionment has been capped with an Oscar snub. More »
Steven Spielberg Presents ‘Marcia Brady and the Kingdom of the Crystal Coke Spoon’
9:21AM Kyle Buchanan | After traumatising the Today audience yesterday with her delightful tale of family syphilis, former Brady Bunch star Maureen McCormick took her unsettling book tour to The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet, where she opened up about cocaine (”They would call me ‘The Hoover’ because of how much cocaine I would do”) and family planning (”I was 18, 19 and 20 when I had each abortion”), then recounted a brand-new story about hitting rock bottom that was markedly different than the one she told Meredith Vieira on Tuesday. This one, you see, involved Indiana Jones: More »
7:48AM STV | Rape Sells! South Park beat George Lucas at his own pervy game Wednesday with its already-infamous “Indy rape” episode — the show’s highest-rated fall premiere in nine years. Paradoxically, this must mean Indiana Jones 5 will be green-lit within the hour — probably at the end of that crisis meeting rumoured to be unfolding today at Paramount. Sadly, bitterly, the cycle continues. [The Live Feed] More »
South Park Presents: ‘Indiana Jones and the Pinball-Machine Rape of Doom’
6:00AM STV | We knew George Lucas had a taste for franchise-rape, but our relatively proscribed imaginations prevented us from conjuring the horror of Lucas and accomplice Steven Spielberg forcibly tag-teaming Indiana Jones not once, not twice, but three times in 30 minutes. But that’s what South Park is for, we guess, where the mandate to get tanked on Crystal Head Vodka™ and crossbreed cinema’s most notorious rape scenes with Indy’s own violation was thriving nicely in last night’s episode. We’ve culled one-third of the NSFW nightmare for your viewing pleasure after the jump; expect the filmmakers’ “He was asking for it” defence to arrive here later in the day. [Comedy Central] More »
Harrison Ford All But Confirms ‘Indiana Jones and the Temple of the $100 Million Payday’
8:00AM STV | It would be too easy to say that Harrison Ford hit the Crystal Head Vodka a little hard before today’s interview at the LA Times; how else to explain his eagerness to jump aboard Indiana Jones 5 so soon after the franchise’s fourth installment? He’s 66! George Lucas can’t settle on a script! And Shia still has months of recovery ahead for his pinkie and balls. All signs but the dollar say “stop,” but that’s all the actor apparently needed to wax fantastic about the potential pouring forth everywhere from the box office to cereal aisles: More »
Shia LaBeouf Ably Defends His ‘Indy 4′ Stint By Comparing the Movie to ‘Porky’s’
4:10AM Kyle Buchanan | Though George Lucas has dashed the hopes of a scant few Indiana Jones fanboys already camping out in line for Mutt Williams and the Search For Elvis, series add-on Shia LaBeouf is man enough to take the bad news on the chin (if not on the reconstructed pinkie). In fact, while promoting his new film Eagle Eye to MTV News, he took time out to defend his much-derided Indy 4 vine swinging, blaming the “changed viewer” for negative reaction to a hallowed film franchise that, somehow, LaBeouf compares to 80’s sex comedy Porky’s. More »
6:50AM Defamer Hollywood | First Shia LaBeouf broke his hand, now George Lucas breaks his heart: Speaking exclusively to MTV News, Lucas elaborated on the promised Indiana Jones 5, assuring disgruntled Indy fans that the sequel wouldn’t centre on LaBeouf’s character, Mutt. “Indiana Jones is Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford IS Indiana Jones. If it was Mutt Williams it would be ‘Mutt Williams and the Search for Elvis’ or something.” Lucas then paused, later calling David Koepp to pitch him an ending where Graceland rises spinning from the ground, blasting into outer space to return Mutt to his home planet. [MTV Movies Blog] More »
4:20AM STV | Freeze, Motherfucker: Sometimes Defamer just has to take a stand, as we hope our recent efforts on behalf of Victims of George Lucas reflects. And such crusades are always made easier by the knowledge we’re not alone. For instance, take the kindred spirit who enacted the fantasy of beleaguered Star Wars and Indiana Jones fans everywhere with this model of Lucas encased in carbonite — a riff on Han Solo’s mode of transport following his enemy capture in The Empire Strikes Back. We can probably conjure lesser penalties for Lucas, but click the image for a more detailed rendering of the short-term fix that suits us just fine. [/Film] More »
George Lucas Promises ‘Indiana Jones 5′ With More Unified, Progressive Spirit of Audience- Loathing
7:00AM STV | Look, just because we want to see the guy locked up for crimes against our (and most others’) childhoods doesn’t mean we despise George Lucas. We’re getting there, of course, but there’s no denying that beneath that wavy tuft of white hair and sprawling wattle is a thoughtful, brilliant, self-made billionaire whose accomplishments as a single father aren’t far behind those of the Star Wars franchise he clearly so yearns to destroy. More »
