idolator
Usher Is Definitely Not Our Boo
6:00AM Seth | We don’t know if Venus is in retrograde or God hates us or whatever, but we can scarcely remember a time in recent history where we’ve been subjected to a series of more non-stop, ear-punishing horrors than the past month. Between recent performances by Jason Castro, Teri Hatcher, and Fantasia (as accompanied by the inmates of the Asylum of Charenton under the direction of the Marquis de Sade), we really didn’t know how much more we could take. But those were all American Idol-advanced atrocities, which is why we thought we’d be safe with a seasoned pro like Usher on SNL. As the clip above will make quickly obvious, our assumption was dead wrong. Is this the worst performance in history? Probably not. But it’s close, and contains the most hilariously spastic freestyle dance moves we’ve seen since Richard Simmons’s Cranergy endorsement (to say nothing of more flat notes than a Post-It pad). Chris Brown: You’re safe for now, Boo. [SNL] More »
Poor Drunk Bastard Not Likely to Fuck With Willie Nelson’s Little Girl Again
5:04AM Defamer Hollywood | Having many years ago traded our shitkicking, bar-brawling days for a pastier, stir-crazy life of bloggy servitude, our bittersweet tears of joy welcome this violent throwback to the good times. To wit: Apparently upset with a scene-stealing drunkard crashing her performance at Austin’s Saxon Pub, country-fu pioneer (and Willie Nelson offspring) Paula Nelson landed a kick that commenced a fantastic Lone Star ass-whuppin’. More »
Madonna’s Most Explicit Album Cover Yet Comes On The Eve Of Her 50th Birthday
6:20AM Molly Friedman | If we saw our mother spreading her legs on billboards and in the window displays of old-fashioned CD stores, we’d probably either disown her, change our names or move to Mars. Unless, of course, she was Madonna. Then we might just have to put the poster up in our rooms. Madge is turning 50 this year, and she’s not letting that stop her from putting out her single most explicit album cover to date. Even Erotica’s open lips and Confessions On A Dance Floor’s spread eagle from behind don’t compare with the artwork for Hard Candy, which features the B12 shot lover posing as an S&M-inspired boxer (of sorts) waiting to “kick your ass” (just as Madonna promised the album would do). But just because Madonna’s putting it all out there now doesn’t mean her more suggestive covers weren’t ten times sexier. More »
Rejoice! Zonked Paula Is Back!
7:09AM Seth | It’s now official: We are in the midst of another Golden Era of Idol. You can toss it all at us–the gay stripper-boogers, the teen Mormon prodigies, the butch nurse-rockers (with male fiancés–DVR replay does not lie!), the off-duty drag queens with moms that look like Divine–but without a completely incoherent, equilibrium-challenged Paula Abdul, it really amounts to a whole lot of nothing. More »
‘Hell To The No!’ Says ‘Idol’ Oustee Asked To Reprise Her Failure Anthem
9:27AM Seth | On last night’s American Idol results show, two of this year’s nine virtually identical blondes–cloned at Fremantle Laboratories off a Season One contestant who’s been kept in a veal stall and fed on a diet of protein-boosted Jamba Juice and easy-listening favorites–were at risk of elimination. Only one was cut however, and that was (checking the website again just to be certain) Alaina Whitaker. More »
From David To Kelly: An ‘Idol’ Frontrunner’s Brush With Destiny
8:45AM Seth | If you aren’t yet familiar with magical Mormon munchkin David Archuleta, chances are you will be soon. Already dubbed the Chosen One by the LAT, the 17-year-old singing wunderkind seems as though he were literally fashioned out of plasticine by disconcertingly bedentured Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe, ready out-of-the-box for mass tween consumption. And while his aw-shucks humility has served him well thus far in the competition (his reaction to the judge’s gushing and Ryan Seacrest’s mild flirtation after his first performance was something akin to tickling a five-year-old mercilessly), Archuleta, in keeping with the theme of this year’s vet-heavy Idol, is no stranger to high-stakes performing. More »‘American Idol’ Controversies Cresting As Season 7 Begins
7:50AM Mark Graham | While American Idol is still a ratings powerhouse and one of the strongest franchises on television, there is no denying that the brand has taken more than its fair share of lumps since Jordin Sparks was crowned the winner of the show’s sixth season. In addition to stillborn debuts from last season’s two finalists (Blake Lewis and the aforementioned Miss Sparks), past winners like Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard were both recently unceremoniously dropped from their recording deals. So when confronted with waning ratings during this season’s tiresome pre-series run of “Hey, Look At That Jackass” moments, it seems that Idol producers turned to a tride and true gimmick in order to get people talking about their show once again. They created a controversy.
Drown Yourself In Andre: It’s Mark’s Last Day
6:45AM Seth | What do you say about Mark Lisanti that doesn’t instantly start sounding like pathetic gushing? Is he one of the funniest, most brilliant writers ever to put fingers to keyboard? Of that there is no doubt. Has he left a mark? Try a Godzilla-sized footprint. Working with him over the last three years has been nothing less than the creative experience of a lifetime. The best part is that beneath that mountain of talent, Mark is one of the most humble, humane, and menschy guys you will ever meet. Also: His career has only just begun. More »
