Those Hogans sure love their restraining orders! Not long after mama cougar Linda claimed that ex-husband Hulk should stay away from her based on a completely made-up court order, her young, son-resembling boyfriend has attempted to secure an actual one against the American Gladiators host. Sadly, the 19-year-old Charley Hill's claim that Hulk "pulled up next to him [at a stoplight] and stared at him" was found to be insufficient grounds for issuing a restraining order. Also, the judge found that Hulk's attempt to piledrive Charley, then throw him against the ropes was terribly, terribly fake. [TMZ]

Exhibiting a soulful, undernourished defiance not seen since Nelson Mandela strolled out of a South African prison a generation ago, young Nick Hogan ended his own 166-day incarceration ordeal early this morning in Florida. There, at the mouth of the Pinellas County Jail, he was reunited with his mother Linda, sister Brooke and a gaggle of media whom Linda rebuffed on her 18-year-old Supra-wrecking, friend-paralyzing martyr's behalf:

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Sure, reality star Brooke Hogan doesn't know who Sarah Palin is (or the identity of our current vice president, for that matter), but it's only because she's been working so hard! After all, who has time to brush up on politics when you're busy taking striptease classes with your mother? Yes, on last night's episode of Brooke Knows Best, Brooke decides that a pole-dancing lesson will be just the thing she needs for a workout, and she decides to bring mother Linda along, too. Showing off the moves that would eventually bag Linda a nineteen-year-old boyfriend and strain her relations with Brooke, the cougar supremo humps the pole and floor in an unnerving mother/daughter celebration of post-postmodern female empowerment, disguised as a workout routine at Crunch. We can't wait until a very special Christmas episode of Brooke Knows Best, when Linda returns the favour and gifts Brooke with a coupon for pairs' Kegel exercises at the downtown Miami Y [VH1]

When we solicited thoughts on VP candidate Sarah Palin from reality star Brooke Hogan, Brooke's naive response of "Who's that?" initially echoed in our hearts as a poignant reminder of the bygone, pre-Palin media era. You can imagine our confusion, then, when Hogan appeared on today's Howard Stern show and as the subject of the now-notorious Defamer video came up, she coolly denied that we'd ever asked her about Sarah Palin in the first place:

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When last we left the Hogan family (though can we leave them if they won't go away?), parents Hulk and Linda had split up, and it wasn't pretty. Daughter Brooke accused the Hulkster of piledriving one of her friends, while cougar Linda fell into the arms of the 19-year-old pool boy. What's next for an estranged, straw-haired couple bored of screwing their children's dopplegangers? Elaborate, imaginary crimes:

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It's either the best or worst idea in the history of television, but it's no doubt the most contradictory: Set for CMT this fall, Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling features competitors vying for some kind of reality-show supremacy in the wrasslin' arts, whose tactics they'll apparently learn from judges like Hogan and coaches including former pro stars Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Brian Knobbs. But then we had a look at the participants, and really, we wonder if CMT even has to buy insurance for this show:

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In the mood for a downer? A South Florida NBC affiliate's website is live-broadcasting Nick Hogan's reckless driving trial. The girlfriend (almost fiancée—he was saving up for the engagement ring) of crash victim John Graziano has already tearfully read a statement describing Hogan's "stone face," revealed the meaning of his licence plate CEHSP2 ("Capable of eluding high-speed pursuit,") and, most damningly, testified, "Three weeks after the accident, Nick showed his remorse...by bringing in board games, razor scooters, Nerf guns to shoot people with, and skateboards. I'm not exactly sure who rides scooters and skateboards in a...hospital's ICU unit knowing that their friend can't even breathe on his own." Join in on the fun now!

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Not a day goes by without a dozen blind items stirring up rumours about the newest Hollywood heroin addict or closeted anchor with sex swings in his office, but there is one very rare kind of bold face name-less rumour that catches our eye. And it has to do with "celebrity dads," "piercings," and "nether regions." As the NY Post Just Asks this morning:

Which celebrity dad is just as rebellious as his starlet daughter? The troubled parent wears a ring through a piercing on his nether regions.

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Say your prayers, eat your vitamins and vote for Barack Obama! Or so sayeth Hulk Hogan, who suplexed and then leg-dropped an unsuspecting Clinton camp last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live by pledging his allegiance and his vote to Obama. And although our experience in the art of campaigning begins and ends with our run for Student Council back in high school (which, we might add, was successful ... three times!), we're pretty darn sure that the Obama ticket could really benefit by awarding the Hulkster a spot on to their roster. Perhaps this is finally the way that Obama can silence the critics who claim he lacks experience in foreign diplomacy!

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