Photo evidence has surfaced online (and since been removed) of a recent Hugh Hefner-hosted Playboy Mansion soirée: the always enchanting Mid-Autumn's Dress Like You Just Raided the Hustler Store With Your Grandfather's Black Card Party. And lest you worry that his small army of pneumatically enhanced arm candy serve purely decorative and/or walk-stabilising functions, we invite you to scrutinise the photo above. In it, Hefner engages in a vigorous oral exploration of one of his guests (one of his bar-brawling twins?) while nearly smothering another couch-dweller to death (her sister?) in the process. According to the Oh No They Didn't contributor, whose friend is a Playboy model and took the photos, Hefner "'just grabs girls faces and kisses them, he's such a bitch' and 'he really is an old pervert' and that he smokes pot all the time and that 'all his girlfriends really do fuck him.'" Go, Hef!

After the jump is a group photo, in which one model's attempt at using her cleavage as a human billboard doesn't go quite as planned. Still, we encourage all forms of out-of-the-bustier commerce during these trying times.

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Sure, Kendra Wilkinson's brand of well-endowed spunk might not go over so well with Tom Brady or Hugh Hefner's new, face-kicking twins, but this Girl Next Door alumna only has eyes for the man she's supposedly been seeing since August, football player Hank Baskett. Now, Baskett has popped the question, and only E!'s typically incomprehensible Ted Casablanca has the story of how it went down:

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We usually think of bunnies as docile creatures, but there appears to be a pointy-eared showdown going down at Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion, where Hef's original Girls Next Door are being phased out for younger, more arrest-prone replacements. Though Hefner insists the split is amicable, founding bunny Kendra Wilkinson (perhaps emboldened by her recent hate-on for Tom Brady) has a different take on the matter, and she seethed on the record to E!.

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Hugh Hefner is currently undergoing a transformation that bears all the signs of a late-life crisis; after all, he's traded in his young, blond, nubile girlfriends for younger, blonder, face-kicking twins. Sadly, despite the fact that Hef's new girlfriends are still teenaged, he's still not much for children, and ex-Girl Next Door Holly Madison says that it was her fruitless attempts to bear Hef's spawn that forced her to finally pack her frilly underthings and depart Holmby Hills:

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Though it's been reported that Kendra Wilkinson is on her way out of Hugh Hefner's harem, there's one person that isn't getting into the Playboy Mansion under her watch, and that's footballer Tom Brady. On last night's episode of The Girls Next Door, Wilkinson was told that she'd have to wear the New England Patriot's jersey for a special charity flag football game, and the look of utter revulsion that passed across her face was impressive for a woman regularly tasked with resuscitating the 82-year-old Hefner's nether regions.

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Playboy's presence in The House Bunny went a smidge beyond what most filmgoers would count as garden-variety product placement; the title and marketing materials alone conspicuously invoked Hugh Hefner's registered trademark, and the story — a model ousted from the Playboy Mansion finds redemption with a clan of sorority outcasts — made the magazine integral to its heroine's rich feminist empowerment. So what's a studio's going rate for that kind of feature-length exposure? Details are sketchy but surprising — especially with Playboy making the money — not the gang at Columbia Pictures.

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Almost overnight, the new season of The Girls Next Door has turned into a must-watch; first, we learned that Hugh Hefner had replaced his three bunnies with 19-year old twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon, then it was revealed that both girls had a criminal record stemming from a beer bottle attack on their Wing House coworker. However, even more twin malfeasance has now been revealed by TMZ: when not engaging in psuedo-incestuous relationships with each other, Karissa likes to kick Kristina in the face! Priceless details from the arrest report (filed Nov. 5 of last year), after the jump:

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After an existential crisis that left him splayed on his four-poster bed, deserted but for his Viagra and ennui, Hugh Hefner is finally bouncing back with the help of nubile, 19-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon. The duo's semi-incestuous sister act should help Hef fill the hole left by the wayward Girls Next Door who have abandoned him, but should he still hold a grudge against Holly, Kendra, and Bridget, he's in luck: the twins aren't afraid to beat a bitch down, and they have the record to prove it!

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While the Playboy Mansion has been emptying out for what feels like weeks, Hugh Hefner is only now getting around to acknowledging the recent bust-up with his beloved Holly Madison. And even considering the lithe 19-year-old twins he found to replace her, an interview yesterday reveals a guy whose "down in the dumps" demeanour reflects the corrosive, pyjama-clad equivalent of an Ingmar Bergman drama.

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Yesterday, Hugh Hefner's main bunny Holly Madison confirmed reports that she had escaped the Viagra-fuelled fantasia that is the Playboy Mansion, and today brings the strongest rumours yet that Hef has chosen to replace Madison with a set of 19-year-old twins. According to Buzznet, their names are Kristina and Karissa Shannon, and a simple Google search turns up a modelling profile for the duo where they tease (in a grammatically suspect treatise to beat the band) that they will, indeed, be appearing on the next season of The Girls Next Door. The announcement in their own misspelled words (plus two more pictures that are a strand of black dental floss away from being totally NSFW), after the jump:

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