hi dad i’m in jail

Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Won’t Someone Think Of The (Theoretical) Children?

10:34AM Clem Bastow | Despite Her Blake Incarcerated remaining, well, incarcerated for the forseeable future (27 months, to be exact), apparently Amy Winehouse’s biological clock has started ticking (or it could be the egg timer she ate mid-crack-binge, thinking it was a delicious apple, but that’s anyone’s guess). Not only that, but she wants FIVE children with her No Good™ husband. Now that’s a life goal if ever I heard one! In an interview published today Miss Winehouse talked of the couple’s plans for a large family. ‘I want at least five kids,’ she said. ‘I want twins. Blake is gonna be the most amazing dad.’ She said the couple wanted identical twins. But Fielder-Civil will not be released until at least December after admitting beating up a pub landlord and attempting to pervert the course of justice. Incidentally, when I first skimmed the headlines this morning, I misread that piece’s title as “Amy wants five children JAILED WITH Blake”. Which, honestly, is probably just as likely to be true as the real headline is, when you think about it. After all, there was a time when Blake looked as though he feasted on the blood of virgins every full moon, so maybe it’s time for him to start again – and Amy just wants to give him the.gift that keeps on giving! More »

Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Blake Fielder-Civil Edition

9:59AM Clem Bastow | Ha ha ha, I love it when Amy Winehouse’s No Good™ husband Blake Fielder-Civil has to suck eggs, and since she seems to be mostly over him (or at least just too wasted/demented to remember she has a husband) these days, that means I get to enjoy it with delicious regularity. In this instance, Amy forgot to show up at Blake’s sentencing! But his girlfriend did! Tell ‘er what she’s won, Joe – a beautiful marriage! Amy Winehouse didn’t turn up to see husband Blake sentenced today but his reported girlfriend was in floods of tears outside the court. Blonde German model Sophie Schandorff, 21, was obviously distraught after the hearing, which saw Fielder-Civil sentenced to 27 months in prison today for grievous bodily harm and perverting the course of justice. Schandorff caused a stir at court in April when she was in Winehouse’s usual place to support Fielder-Civil and the couple were seen to mouth ‘I love you’ to each other. Awesome, sounds like everyone’s getting along well, then! Anyway, looks like Fielder-Civil will spend another four or so months in jail, if he behaves himself (and I have to say, he does look surprisingly healthy in his most recent mugshot), though he’s been sentenced to 27 months, yadda yadda yadda. WIN! More »