With the joyous news that the writers strike has unequivocally ended, an historic accord marked by Nick Counter and Patric Verrone appearing together on the balcony of the Warner Bros. water tower on Valentine's Day eve, as thousands below chant, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" until the reluctant peacemakers finally acquiesce to a deafening roar of approval, it would seem everything is right again in the magical realm of Hollywoodland. Which makes this rumor all the more disconcerting: Could the NBC Universal ruler, whose upward-failing rise to power was prophesied in lesser-known New Testament appendix The Book of Jeff, really be mulling a lawsuit with the HFPA against the WGA for robbing them of a Golden Globes ceremony? Deadline Hollywood Daily says it could be so:

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During an evening lacking any sort of true (or even manufactured) sense of excitement, we found ourselves giddily mesmerized by the grainy home video that Nikki Blonsky shot of her family's reaction to the news that she had been nominated for a Globe for her work in Hairspray. After all, it's one thing to trash a hotel room, but it's another thing entirely to trash your parents' living room. In a viral video era where capturing a "real" reaction becomes harder and harder, it's impossible to argue that Nikki's spontaneous flip of the Blonsky family coffee table was anything other than a pure moment born from a rush of adrenaline and emotion. More simply put, we just paid witness to one of the most ecstatic moments of this young woman's life to date. We love everything about it, unironically and unapologetically. Now if only John Travolta were able to show this kind of range...

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After a disorienting Golden Access Globes Press Hollywood Conference Awards that left nominees and audiences alike utterly befuddled (we understand Sally Field was fished out of The Grove's dancing waters fountain at 3 a.m. delivering an impassioned speech about bringing the troops home to two security guards on a golf cart), our traditional Globes parties post-mortem promised to be a similar mess. Still, if there were awards, and there were winners, by God there's going to be a reactions round-up, even if it comes off sounding a lot like the ones you read after the nominations are announced:

· The Atonement crew toasted their win at a bungalow at the Chateau Marmont, where the ghost of O.D.'d John Belushi smiled over their WWII romance's win. [Variety]

· Marion Cotillard enjoyed her win for La Vie en Rose from the Four Seasons. "I'm enjoying so much what's going on here, I can't be disappointed in any way," she said, convincingly masking her extreme disappointment. [Variety]

· Julian Schnabel learned of his Best Director win at New York City airport baggage carousel, upon turning his cellphone on: "It was very glamorous. It was one of those existential moments. I was extremely happy." [USA Today]

· Like Ernest Borgnine's bash, Sweeney Todd producer Richard Zanuck made it a family affair, taking in the press conference from his son's home in Beverly Hills--which is nice, but not, like, seated next to Johnny Depp with lots of water glasses and fancy silverware nice: "I must say, it's a wonderful thing to be seated at a table and all the suspense of that. All that was nonexistent (tonight), but it doesn't take away from the honor." [Variety]

· "Glenn Close, best TV actress/drama for FX's Damages, was in a bar in New York's meatpacking district with the show's cast and crew. 'It's a wonderful way to watch -- we were rooting for our team.'" She then mounted the counter at the Brass Monkey for a celebratory striptease patrons won't soon forget. [ABC News]

· Best Actor in TV Series, Musical or Comedy winner David Duchovny went to see a movie while the winners were announced: "I kinda didn't want to watch, it would just make me tense or nervous, so I went out to see a movie at four (o'clock) and I knew I wouldn't be home until it was announced. I knew if my phone was ringing when I walked into my hotel room that I would have won. And it was. Nobody calls a loser." And with that, this year's ceremony wiped the snot from its nose as it checked its phone in vain for any congratulatory messages. [AP]

· NBC's Billy Bush-enhanced Reading of the Golden Globes Winners telecast draws just 5.8 million viewers, lower Nielsen numbers than even last week's public-access-quality People's Choice Awards delivered to CBS. Meanwhile, the premiere of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles was huge for Fox. [THR]

· Shaking off the disappointment of its Globes debacle, NBC orders another season of Proven Ratings Winner American Gladiators (surely, two episodes is all the evidence one needs to make such a commitment!), though the network is being coy about how many episodes it's ordered or when they might air. [Variety]

· Having quietly completed two days of negotiations over the weekend, everyone in Hollywood will be watching the DGA and AMPTP for signs that they're about to announce a deal. (Especially members of the WGA, who are praying the directors don't reach an unfavorable agreement that makes their own contract-talk suffering any worse.) [THR]

· The Producers Guild nominates The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Juno, Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, and There Will Be Blood for its feature film award, jilting both of last night's Globes winners, Atonement and Sweeney Todd.[Variety]

Though the cancellation of Golden Globes ceremony forced the Hallmark Channel to grudgingly call off its annual after-party, considered by many to be the most debauched in all of Hollywood (2006's orgy honoring Meet the Santas is still spoken of in hushed tones for the five overdosing Saint Nicks who had to be removed from a single bathroom stall at the Riot Hyatt), Globes nominee and A Grandpa for Christmas star Ernest Borgnine decided he would still try and salvage what fun he could from the wreckage of the evening, hosting an intimate gathering at his home. And Access Hollywood was there!

The ever-smiling Hollywood veteran said he was happy to be home instead of wrapped up in the "hullabaloo" of the ceremony, "because if I want a beer or I want a sandwich or whatever, I'm able to get up and go. These people have to sit there and wait until somebody tells them to go pee."

Tension grew as each category was announced. "This is like going into labor, for God sake," Tova said of the long wait.

Finally, the actor's category came up. Jim Broadbent was announced as the winner.

Tova and Nancy Borgnine booed, but Borgnine clapped.

"Hey, I already got one," he said. "I was nominated and I think that's wonderful. You don't have to win them all."

A win would have been good for the Hallmark Channel, he said, "but for me, I've got one. And I've got the big guy, too."

Borgnine's admirable magnanimity in the face of defeat would soon fade, however, as he further contemplated the indignity the HFPA visited upon him in delivering the upset win to Broadbent. Local news crews hoping to get some feel-good footage for their post-awards-show segments soon found themselves documenting an expletive-filled tirade in which the agitated nonagenarian, menacingly swinging around his previously won Oscar and Globe, invited "that Limey dandy" over to his house "settle this like men," pledging that the winner of a best-of-three-falls Indian-leg-wrestling would get to "keep all the goddamn trophies."

[Photo: AP]

• Strike Can't Stop Ernest Borgnine From Partying On Globes Night [Access Hollywood]

Once of the great tragedies of last night's decimated Golden Globes was being deprived of the opportunity to watch Entourage's Jeremy Piven, one of Hollywood's most enthusiastic awards recipients, take the stage and toe the always-difficult line between obligatory humility and "I so deserved this! This fucking show is nothing but four stoned jackasses high-fiving in a booth at Les Deux without Ari Gold!" self-aggrandizement

Instead, we had to settle for Dateline's pre-announcement-show interview with the eventual Best Supporting TV actor winner, during which Piven, answering a question about the ostensible burden of going through life having to hug out every bitch who wants a taste of Gold's iconic agent-embrace, reminds America that he was "lucky enough" to be the creator of the catchphrase; accordingly, he doesn't mind accepting the back-slapping love of his adoring public, although it does make him slightly uncomfortable when the celebration of his genius creeps into his house of worship.

• Dateline NBC [Msnbc.com]

Dateline NBC traded in their spy cams normally used for busting Predators (not the ones from space, mind you, the ones that live next door to you) for the Vaseline-gauzed lenses required to shoot Hollywood's biggest and brightest in a two-hour Golden Globe special that aired last night after that pathetically boring Globes presser. During an interview with the universally adored Amy Adams, The Today Show's resident vixen Natalie Morales made an uncomfortable shift from friendly fluffery to attack dog journo mode when she grilled Amy Adams about her, *gasp*, former career as a waitress at Hooters. We haven't seen two girls go at it like this since Wild Things.

In retrospect, we suppose it could've gone down a lot worse. Amy Adams is a true saint for not responding to Natalie Morales clear attempts at baiting her into a catfight (check out the overwhelming look of condecension on Morales' face after she says, "Oh, you had a good time doing that?"). But what we're wondering is this: other than attempting to embarrass Amy Adams on national television (subtext: "Was it fun being a ho?"), what exactly did Morales hope to accomplish with this line of questioning? We've spent hours trying to figure it out, and we can't come up with anything. All we know for sure is that not even Chris Hansen would have stooped this low.

10:01pm: ABC, hope you were taking notes. If any of your ideas for The Oscars resemble any of the ideas that NBC utilized tonight in their sham of a "press conference," your federal broadcasting license will be revoked. Herbert Eugene Ives would've been ashamed of your performance tonight, Silverman. You should go to sleep knowing that.

6:59pm: This back-alley broadcast came to an end about 58 minutes or so too late. Billy Bush, who we're convinced just may be both the resurrection and the light, has deemed to bring Entertainment Weekly coozehound Dave Kriger to the forefront to tell the nation which film HE thinks should be awarded with the Best Drama prize. The EW scribe thinks it should be Michael Clayton, but Billy Bush apparently doesn't agree and demands another pick from Kriger, lest he be smoted with a tax audit and reassignment to Highlights. The stuffy Britpic Atonement ends up taking the prize, and America yawns. Hey, don't yawn yet ... this means more dripping wet Kiera Knightley ads for us all! They need our consideration, let's make them work for it.

6:58pm: Oh Golden Globes producers, you missed a PRIME opportunity to launch "I drink your milkshake!" into the national lexicon.

6:56pm: Julie Christie wins for Best Actress, besting the A-List likes of Angie Jolie and Cate Blanchett. She deserved it, but now we know for a fact that NBC got lucky not having to actually air this whole ceremony. Can you imagine how many folks in The Heartland would've tuned off by now, having the likes of Marion Cotillard, Ricky Gervais and Julie Christie are walking away winners?

6:54pm: Nancy O'Dell and her luscious, well-displayed rack will not stand (WILL NOT STAND!) to let a clip of a then 23 year-old dripping wet Angelina Jolie frolicking in a pool with an Access Hollywood producer go without commenting that he the reason why we, the viewing public, are seeing it is that her producers are sexist pigs. Hey Miss O'Dell, hope you enjoy the next six minutes of the Golden Globes broadcast 'cause you'll never host another one again.

6:52: Whoa Mad Men! Bet HBO is kicking themselves something fierce right now for letting Matthew Weiner's show slip off to AMC. Which reminds us, John From Cincinnati was really putrid wasn't it?

6:49pm: Sweeney Todd? Best Comedy? Really? We saw it, but it was no Brothers Solomon. But then again, if Billy Bush approves, we must've missed something the first time around; he likens Depp and creative lifepartner Tim Burton the Scorsese and DeNiro. By the way, we are so bored. Where's Kathy Griffin when you need her?

6:46pm: Johnny Depp's win for Best Actor of the Musical and/or Comedy variety bodes well for his chances to march triumphantly onstage at the Kodak Theater next month. Think he'll pull a Brando? He should.

6:42pm: Don't worry, Stevie Spielberg. You'll get your sloppy 20 minute hummer from the HFPA and the rest of your underlings NEXT January. And now that Julian Schnabel has gone himself and won a Best Director Golden Globe, we're betting his evening will end by telling a politically inclined brunette, "Let's go home so I can Diving Bell the Butterfly out of you."

6:36pm: And come on, we know that Extras is good, but is is NO 30 Rock. Or even Pushing Daisies. With all these big name nominees and all these (relative) no names winning awards, we're betting that Ben Silverman is laughing maniacally in his Burbank office, glad as hell that he was able to convince people to watch this nonsense without having to spend any real money on the party itself.

6:35pm: The all-seeing, all-knowing Billy Bush has just bestowed Ricky Gervais with his Bush Stamp of Appeal for his work guiding the series Extras. Howevs, judging by the stunned look that he had on his face, we're pretty sure he thinks that Extras is the show hosted by his dreaded rival, Mark McGrath.

6:31pm: It's only been 31 minutes? It feels like 31 hours. Especially because they just handed an award to David Duchovny for his work in Californication over heavyweight favorites like Alec Baldwin and Steve Carell. Thankfully, our Host and Father Billy Bush feels the same way we do, and uses the microphone behind his pulpit to blast the HFPA for daring call Californication a comedy. We must concur, as it never makes us laugh, either.

6:25pm:We're not sure exactly what role Entertainment Weekly Senior Writer Dave Kriger is supposed to be playing on this special. After all, with Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell as the Play-By-Play and Color Commentators (respectively), does this make Dave Kriger the Tony Siragusa of the special? We digress. No matter what role he is supposed to be playing, he is using this opportunity as an open audition to be Marion Cotillard's he-bitch ("she's spectacularly beautiful, 32 years old. Looks nothing like the older woman she plays in the movie.") Glad to hear you want to bone her, Dave ... join the list.

6:23pm: The recent crest of Juno-mania failed to catapault Ellen Page to victory over the frog princess Marion Cotillard's performance as Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose. The Academy might as well engrave that Best Actress Oscar for Marion now.

6:19pm: We're still bored. Not even the fact that Jon Hamm won for his magnificently powerful performance as adman par excellence Don Draper is breaking these duldrums.

6:13pm: You know, we're trying to manufacture enthuasiasm for this ceremony, we really are. But as we lie here in the first commercial break, we find ourselves missing watching guys like Joaquin Phoenix fight the urge to shotgun a few beers. We miss the fact that Jack won't be able to inappropriately put his hands on Juno's homeskillets. Sobriety on this Sunday night is no fun.

6:07pm: Jeremy Piven is not just a member, he's the president of the Entourage Club For Men. Perhaps more importantly than the Globe he just picked up, he earns the laudits of Future PUSA Billy Bush ("Some characters just break through, and Ari Gold is just one of those characters"). Piven can sleep tight knowing that Billy Bush approves of his work.

6:05pm: Cate Blanchett just won a Golden Globe for I'm Not There. She basked in the glow for all of five second's before Billy Bush, renowned film historian and master of ceremonies, called her out for not being as good as Amy Ryan.

6:02pm: Wait a minute, the Globes got cancelled? We must have missed the news. First impressions ... we've never seen a press conference like this. This is like the Palms Casino of press conferences.

5:51pm: We have got to admit, we're not exactly sure what is about to go down when the Golden Globes "press conference" airs on NBC (and Telemundo!) in roughly 10 American minutes. Either way, we'll be here, watching, observing and, should the mood strike or the situation warrant it, posting...

Even if the cancellation of the Golden Globes and its satellite parties had been precipitated by nuclear, rather than labor, Armageddon, you could be sure that a radioactive, iridescent army of swag suite staffers would still be roaming the smoldering Hollywood hellscape, distributing designer jeans, sunglasses, and coupons redeemable for full-body laser-resurfacing procedures to any semi-recognizable survivors of the blast. Though gifting professionals initially feared that the sober climate of this crippled awards season might dissuade people from turning out to collect their frivolous wares, they soon realized that the siren call of free shit would be far too seductive to ignore:

"We were afraid no one was going to show up ... and we almost backed out, but it really paid off," said Cindy Lott, who was touting Xtreme Lashes eyelash extensions at another event in Beverly Hills. "There were more RSVPs because people aren't at their stylists."

"I knew the actors would still be supporting the gifting," said Susan Setz, who was showing her Wild Rose Tattoo Shirts at a gift suite in Brentwood, a neighborhood known for its high celeb quotient. "I looked at it as a wonderful opportunity." [...]

Like awards shows, gifting is a Hollywood tradition. Maybe the Golden Globe suites are proof the industry hasn't entirely shut down.

"Stars want to come and celebrate," said vendor Niels Christiansen. "They support the writers, but they still want to have fun."

Fortunately, the Guild has been silent about the continuing operation of the suites, as there could be no greater solidarity-undermining misstep than to interfere with their high-profile brethren in SAG's God-given right to collect as much freely proffered crap as their assistants can carry--there are, after all, only so many life-altering sacrifices one can be asked to make even in the name of a just cause.

[Photo: AP]

• Globes show canceled, but not the swag [Yahoo! News]

It's a Tarnished Golden Globes One-Hour Announcement-Of-The-Winners Press Conference Extravaganza Free-For-All! The Hollywood Foreign Press Association has just revealed that NBC no longer has an exclusive on Sunday night's much-anticipated list-reading, inviting any media outlet with 60 or so free minutes and some warm bodies to spare to drop by and cover the event themselves: "After discussions with NBC, Hollywood Foreign Press Association President Jorge Camara today announced that the HFPA will have complete control of its 65th Annual Golden Globe Awards Announcement that is scheduled to take place Sunday, January 13 at 6:00 p.m. PST in the International Ballroom of The Beverly Hilton. Under the new arrangement, there will be no restrictions placed on media outlets covering the press conference." There is no word, however, if refreshments will be served to anyone who bothers to show up. [Variety]