"Follow That Tiny Speeder Bike!" We defy you to look at this adorable Star Wars tableau—achieved, much care is taken to point out, without the use of Photoshop, but rather with an actual Scout Trooper action figure riding bareback on an actual adorable chipmunk—without going, "Awww." Still, we'd caution not to look at the next photo in the series, in which the Trooper slices open the chipmunk's stomach and climbs inside to survive a bitter Hoth ice storm. [Great White Snark]

Read More »

Rape Sells! South Park beat George Lucas at his own pervy game Wednesday with its already-infamous "Indy rape" episode — the show's highest-rated fall premiere in nine years. Paradoxically, this must mean Indiana Jones 5 will be green-lit within the hour — probably at the end of that crisis meeting rumoured to be unfolding today at Paramount. Sadly, bitterly, the cycle continues. [The Live Feed]

Read More »

We knew George Lucas had a taste for franchise-rape, but our relatively proscribed imaginations prevented us from conjuring the horror of Lucas and accomplice Steven Spielberg forcibly tag-teaming Indiana Jones not once, not twice, but three times in 30 minutes. But that's what South Park is for, we guess, where the mandate to get tanked on Crystal Head Vodka™ and crossbreed cinema's most notorious rape scenes with Indy's own violation was thriving nicely in last night's episode. We've culled one-third of the NSFW nightmare for your viewing pleasure after the jump; expect the filmmakers' "He was asking for it" defence to arrive here later in the day. [Comedy Central]

Read More »

It would be too easy to say that Harrison Ford hit the Crystal Head Vodka a little hard before today's interview at the LA Times; how else to explain his eagerness to jump aboard Indiana Jones 5 so soon after the franchise's fourth installment? He's 66! George Lucas can't settle on a script! And Shia still has months of recovery ahead for his pinkie and balls. All signs but the dollar say "stop," but that's all the actor apparently needed to wax fantastic about the potential pouring forth everywhere from the box office to cereal aisles:

Read More »

In fairness, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull doesn't have much going for it in terms of viral marketing potential; it's not as though Ow Shia's Balls brand jockstraps or My First Carnivore Ant Farm sets were on backorder when the film opened last May. But one savvy (if completely incongruous) cross-promotion has indeed sold out in advance of Indy 4's DVD release Oct. 14: Crystal Head Vodka, pimped by unassuming pitchman and Indy franchise alum Dan Aykroyd on a Web site making the rounds today. Despite the overall conceptual stupidity that uncannily mirrors the film it intends to sell, the set-up nevertheless extends all the way to a popular liquor site that turns you away when adding Crystal Head to your cart. So relax, parents! It's safe for your kids — or at least safer than Scooby-Doo's disastrous Rummy Rum Rum!™ tie-in from a few years back. Matthew Lillard still hasn't recovered from that one. [Crystal Head Vodka]

Read More »

· Jack Black will soon reunite with the writers of Kung Fu Panda, teaming up on an untitled comedy about a man who wakes up sans memory on Cuban shores only to deduce he's a superspy. Yuks, partial nudity and Bourne-franchise comparisons ensue. [THR]
· If you are the least bit sleepy, we recommend skipping to the jump. Ready? OK: SAG is expected today to approve a measure requesting a strike vote, most likely sometime after the new board is seated later this month. We warned you, didn't we? Wake up! [THR]

Read More »

Though George Lucas has dashed the hopes of a scant few Indiana Jones fanboys already camping out in line for Mutt Williams and the Search For Elvis, series add-on Shia LaBeouf is man enough to take the bad news on the chin (if not on the reconstructed pinkie). In fact, while promoting his new film Eagle Eye to MTV News, he took time out to defend his much-derided Indy 4 vine swinging, blaming the "changed viewer" for negative reaction to a hallowed film franchise that, somehow, LaBeouf compares to 80's sex comedy Porky's.

Read More »

While we have to say were taken slightly aback by the addition of limp-flippered velvet-slug mafioso Capote the Hutt to the Star Wars character universe, we were even more surprised to learn from a Defamer operative that the Lucas brand—Synonymous with Quality Intergalactic Family Entertainment Since 1977™—harbors other...how should we put this diplomatically...C3POic tendencies? They write:

Read More »

We thought all discussion of The Clone Wars ended yesterday with the discovery that if Harry Knowles hates it — enough even for George Lucas Warner Bros. to swoop in and kill his embargo-shattering review — it must be some kind of radioactively awful. But new revelations have surfaced this afternoon about Ziro the Hutt, the fringe character whom Knowles described as sounding like "a racist take on a Black New Orleans Crack-Dealing Whore." Not quite, Harry — not even close, in fact, according to an interview published today at MTV Movies:

Read More »

We never thought it could happen, but the fanboy bloom may officially — and dramatically — be off the Star Wars franchise after 30 loving years of devotion: Ain't it Cool News boss Harry Knowles has written a scathing review of the franchise's new, animated The Clone Wars. And we mean scathing — vicious enough to not only shake our faith in geek compliance to its very foundation, but also rouse George Lucas from his afternoon cash-bath with a cease-and-desist order straight from the top.

Read More »