· Fergie has joined the ever-growing cast of the Weinstein Co.'s Nine. In her first role in a major motion picture, she'll play "Saraghina, a lusty woman who introduces [Daniel Day-Lewis's character] to the world of sexuality" by lowering her drawbridge, extending a long straw, and sucking down the frothy contents of his simmering desire. In some ways you could almost say that she'll drink his manshake—she'll drink it up! (Forgive us.) [Variety]
· Mad Men endured another critic-derived facial, being named TCA's program of the year, best new program, and best drama. [Variety]
· British actor James Purefoy close to signing on as the lead in The Philanthropist, an NBC series about "a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth to help people in need no matter the risks or costs" that's loosely based on Donald Trump's life. [THR]
· Selma Blair's new sitcom Kath & Kim will take 30 Rock's 8:30 p.m. Thursday slot, with 30 Rock pitching camp in the far MILF-friendlier environment of 9:30. [THR]
· High School Musical: Get in the Picture underperformed for ABC, curtailing that network's plans for spinoffs High School Musical: My First Internet Photoscandal and Being Miley: The Search for America's Next Virgin Slut. [Variety]

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Blake Lively's people are throwing a hissy fit over the Gossip Girl star's cover shot on this month's Seventeen. And before assuming this is just another case of some publicist overreacting and getting their La Perlas in a twist over nothing, one quick look at the cover in question actually makes us side with the flack this time. Lively's gone out of her way recently to make sure no one confuses her with Paris Hilton, but her puffy eyes, hollow cheekbones and vampire chompers on the Seventeen cover aren't helping her case. Which begs the question: why is it so hard for a magazine to shoot a decent celebrity cover? Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie and Sarah Jessica Parker are all recent victims of the same unflattering cover treatments, and all kinds of oddly unglamorous shots have hit newsstands for years.

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Nicole Kidman's rehabbed, country-crooning husband Keith Urban has infinite knowledge on many things: how to prepare cocaine for free-basing, which hair salons in Australia promise the best blond guylights and where one can pick up a sweet pair of skintight leather pants. But one area of expertise Urban hasn't quite nailed down yet is this whole baby business. At the CMA Awards on Friday night, reporters bombarded the surprise performer with the inevitable string of wombwatch-related questions, one of which involved the topic of gifts the odd couple have received for the upcoming celeb spawn:

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PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often--the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Tara Reid having her credit card denied at Blockbuster.

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Our appreciation of Black Eyed Peas main man Will.I.Am has increased dramatically after we read today of his reaction to a VIP party thrown for the band (as well as pal and sometime collaborateur, Justin Timberlake) by Michael Gudinski: in short, he reckoned it sucked.

And for once, that is the actual opinion of the man in question, not some subeditor tomfoolery or word-massaging by the gossip columns! Gudinski's Frontier Touring had brought BEP to Sydders for a one-off gig to promote Pepsi, and chucked a Harbourside bash with guests including - and this must've really impressed the million-selling R&B crew - Marcia Hines and Jimmy Barnes.

However, despite the world-class Harbour views, gourmet menu and A-list guest list, Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.I.Am couldn't get it started, let alone "retarded" - yesterday, branding Gudinski's no-expenses-spared bash a complete dud.

"Man that party sucked," he told a media gathering yesterday.

"Justin's a really good friend of ours and we thought that party was going to be wack but it totally sucked - I'm just being honest."

...Fergie attempted to smooth over her bandmate's harsh criticism of the event, saying "but the beef was really good and the mushroom risotto was amazing".

HA HA! The vibe sucked and the party was non-existent, but the risotto was good! Well, that makes all the difference, and will now go into our vernacular as a shrugging "oh well" to be uttered after disastrous events.

For example: "The crash of the Hindenburg was awful, but the mushroom risotto was amazing."

We're well aware that these days it's plain old-fashioned to expect a stadium gig's support act to be in the same genre or vintage as the headliner, but this could be taking it one step too far: Fergie will be supporting The Police on the Australian leg of their reformation tour.

"I've always been a fan of The Police so I'm really looking forward to this tour," she said. "It's also a great chance to come back to Australia as a solo artist."

Word has it, however, that as much as Fergie is apparently head of the Californian chapter of The Police Fanclub, her inclusion on the bill is more to do with promoters desperate to sell tix - seeing as the little girls of Australia would be quite keen to see The Dutchess in a stadium setting - with the word on the street that the Suncorp Stadium show has sold only half the tickets allocated.

Perhaps yoga practitioner Sting could give Fergie Ferg some onstage lessons in pelvic floor muscle control.

Last night we caught bits and pieces of Concert For Diana, the feel good "celebration of life" which featured the voices of Prince William AND Prince Harry (we can't remember the last time we heard their voices, but we're pretty sure they wouldn't have broken yet), footage of the young royals getting jiggy to Nelly Furtado, as well as countless musical superstars performing SMASH HIT after SMASH HIT! Like Status Quo! And Fergie Black Eyed Peas singing a song we recognised solely because it is Lindsay Lohan's private MySpazz site's profile song!

While the entire concert was obviously amazing and wonderful and representative of everything good in the world, Diddy's performance left us feeling a little nauseous, especially when he did a spoken word part during "I'll Be Missing You".

Diddy - (breathlessly earnest voice) "So beautiful! So graceful! So elegant! Princess Diana, we'll never forget you. TAKE ME TO THE BRIDGE!"

The latter part of his moving tribute to Diana leading our viewing companion to yell at the television "It's too late, she took the tunnel!"

We also thought the ads that followed Diddy's performance (White Lady Funerals, then a commercial warning against the dangers of speeding) were in marvellous taste. Applause! Applause!

We hope this is not the end of tribute concerts for deceased stars. We'd like to see -

Concert For Kurt!
Concert For Freddie!
Concert For Big Kev!

We are quite prepared to get our hands dirty, particularly for the latter suggestion.

Hot on the heels of the weekend's revelation that the fat one from Westlife's ex-missus spent one particularly high night attempting to converse with a wooden horse comes news that Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie also has a history of nattering away at targets who are unable to run away. No, we don't mean Josh Duhamel.

Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie has admitted she was once so strung out on drugs she spent eight hours talking to a clothes hamper.

Paranoid, hallucinating and hooked on crystal methamphetamine she thought someone was hiding in her dirty-clothes bin.

She says: "I remember thinking somebody was inside of it, going to come and get me, so I was talking to the person who was crawling in the hamper.

"I was actually telling them that they were very rude, if you can believe that one!"

Last time we were hopped up on crystal meth, we spent three frustrating days debating Australian politics with a beanbag (who, to this day, we still suspect secretly voted Liberal during the 2001 election) so we can absolutely believe it, Fergie.

When we promise something, we deliver. Until the day we don't. Which means that our claim to have a couple of peeps attending the MTV Awards in Sydney was not a lie we made up to impress our Invisible But Beloved Nonetheless Audience and distract you from the fact we couldn't go ourselves! Nay, our delightful moles did indeed infiltrate the awards and took a whooooole lotta photos on the red carpet. Unfortunately it seems the after party was so hideously boring, it was simply not worth taking illicit mobile phone pictures. Anyway. Here are some snaps from the showbiz knees up of the century! the year! April!

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