evictions
BB08: Buh-Bye, Bianca
10:57AM Jess McGuire | Fiery know-it-all Bianca has been kicked out of the Big Brother house after last night’s eviction. Once the obligatory post-Big Brother nightclub appearances are over with, she can no doubt go back to prancing around in tight tops and holding large books in an effort to look more intelligent than anyone else in the world.
From what I can tell (despite her constant attempts to gain attention through sulky temper tantrums) this excerpt from the Big Brother site’s article on her eviction is the most interesting thing about Bianca.
Bianca also made Australian BB history by being the first Housemate to be given a watch as part of the secret Moon Monks task. As Head Monk, she had to recruit and train new members of the Secret Order without the other HMs detecting her confidential extracurricular activities. After a few close shaves, they passed the task successfully.
SHE GOT TO WEAR A WATCH? FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS, BIANCA!
I don’t loathe her that much. She just made me get all narky whenever I was eating dinner and she appeared on the telly with that surly expression (you know, where she’d pout moodily and her mouth resembled a slug dropped in a bowl of salt*).
She is probably a really lovely person in real life, blah blah blah, but anyone who makes me root for Corey makes me feel a bit weird, and it’s best they leave my television screen.
*Description courtesy of Brendan Shanahan’s column in the Daily Telegraph years ago regarding Vanessa Amorosi’s facial expression after she failed to win a single ARIA – despite, like, eight thousand nominations – at the awards ceremony back in 2000. I’ve never forgotten it (although I may not have quoted it correctly – there’s no online reference to it anywhere, alas). God bless you, Brendan. More » 
BB08: Goodbye Saxon, We Hardly Knew Ye…
8:33AM Jess McGuire | After last night’s show, UFO conspiracy theorist and former – we hope – racist Saxon was the first person to be evicted from the Big Brother house (well, if you don’t count those two intruder folks whose names I never bothered to learn even though I am going out of my way to remember one of them has a stripper girlfriend and will mention it as often as I can be bothered – OMG PLEZE DONT GET UR PPL TO CAL MA BOSS, IM AFRAYD OF YER ‘PULL’).
Why did his fellow housemates choose to boot him, you may be wondering – well, Saxon says…
“I’m pretty aggressive and I probably got under some people’s skin,” he said last night after his eviction.
“I’m pretty rude, and I probably gave it to them,” he said moments after being booted out.
Indeed.
According to the official site, his parting gift to the housemates was an EXPLOSIVE!!! farewell video where he informs a couple of the Dreamworld massive of what he really thinks of them (gosh!) and then has BB remove Bridget Brigitte’s possessions.
Saxon’s message from the grave causes some trouble in the House. He doesn’t hold back and tells everyone what he thinks of them. Saxon tells the group that what caused him the most trouble was people talking behind his back, he singles out Bianca and David! Saxon tells David he needs to change to make the House more harmonious and he needs to realize his word isn’t the be all and end all! Saxon also expresses his problem with Brigitte he tells her to read a book and stop worrying about her unicorn. Then he drops a bomb shell … the second Housemate Hand grenade. Brigitte is the target, her possessions will be removed indefinitely.
This bit is particularly pleasing.
Brigitte is irate, running up to the screen to hit it with her shoe she begins to cry. Upset and confused pushing through her tears Brigitte asks the House what indefinitely means…
Heh. More » 
BB’s Daniela Is Always Thinking Of Ways To Promote Positive Body Image Amongst Girls Especially If Taking The Moral High Ground Involves Highly Paid Appearance In Raunchy Lads Magazine
7:43AM Jess McGuire | Just in case you’ve been living in a cave all weekend*, you may not have heard that recent Big Brother evictee Daniela has decided to strip off for Zoo Weekly.
The curvaceous Brazilian Bombshell from Big Brother has taken it all off like Emma and housemates before her in a raunchy photo shoot for a lads mag.
Daniela, the 24 year-old hospitality worker from Western Australia will appear naked in smut mag Zoo Weekly after the magazine made her a lucrative offer.
“The original price wasn’t worth me taking my clothes off, so I said No, but then they came back with a second offer that was pretty good and I took it.”
We get it. You needed the cash. It was a financially beneficial situation for you, no feelings involved!
She goes on…
“It’s really good that a size 12 body is on a magazine that celebrates size 8 and lower so it’s quite positive,” she said.
Presumably the positive aspects of her decision grow exponentially with the amount of money offered by Zoo Weekly.
Daniela confessed on the show to having once suffered an eating disorder, and claimed to be a spokeswoman for an unnamed charity that helps women with eating disorders.
Oh really? But.. wouldn’t this… erm?
However the curvy reality show contestant declined to be drawn on whether these sorts of magazines further contribute to body image issues and eating disorders.
“I don’t want to talk about it, I’m not interested, my Big Brother experience has ended and I don’t need to be political in my statements,†she said.
And, it would seem, her inclination to make statements not involving her breasts decreases dramatically the more cash is thrown her way by lads mags.
*And we have, if by “living in a cave”, you mean “had an overly thrilling long weekend of adventure and madcap hijinks would make for a brilliantly received Clooney/Pitt/Damon/etc extravaganza, but it would not make for a half decent blog post”. In any case, please forgive your editor for being a tad quiet, and instead prepare yourself for an onslaught of idiocy. More » 
Two Things About Tonight’s Big Brother Show
7:51PM Jess McGuire | Firstly, what a fucking waste of time Kyle Sandilands was! And not just in the normal everyday sense he’s a fucking waste of time. Comes into the house, has a sook about wearing a hat, behaves like a boring dullard of a child toward Big Brother, makes Travis wear a corset, and then goes home with a sick note. NEXT!
Actually, before we howl “NEXT!” at the telly… we ask you this. Did Kyle’s tantrum about having to take off his hat have anything to do with the fact he was decked out head to toe in gear from the Sean John fashion label? Was there some sort of sponsorship deal?
Secondly, ZACH TO FUCKING WIN! SERIOUSLY. Defamer Australia wholeheartedly throw our support behind him. He is sweet and adorable and funny and mischievous and we are right the fuck into the gorgeous smattering of freckles across his noble nose. More » 
Defamer Operatives Update I
7:45PM Jess McGuire | Well, don’t bother looking for the signs we mentioned before. Big Brother has confiscated the posters, claiming the first four rows are a “no poster zone”.
Still, Gretel is set to do a monologue in front of our charming operatives, so look out for the slightly crazed, probably drunk adults screaming like banshees and poking at Gretel as though she were a FaceBook friend. More » Defamer Australia Operatives Have Hit Dreamworld.
3:27PM Jess McGuire | Defamer Australia was unable to head up to a Big Brother eviction this weekend like we’d planned to due to “life” malarkey springing up last minute and keeping us stuck in our home town*.
However, our operatives hit the Gold Coast with explosive force on Friday, accosting recent evictee Michelle on the streets and taking a plethora of photos (which we’ve been assured will be sent straight to us as soon as humanly possible). Our agent in mischief Genny B apparently screamed at Michelle excitedly “I’M LOVING YOU SICK RIGHT NOW!” which, from what we hear, both thrilled and terrified the Bogan Queen.
Our amazing gang of misfits are, as we speak, wandering around Dreamworld and biding their time until tonight’s eviction show. They will be texting Defamer Australia updates and news from the audience, so if we hear anything good, you guys will be the first to know. Swears.
Oh, and if you want to play a bastardised version of “Where’s Wally” while watching tonight’s eviction, our crew are holding up the following nonsensical signs in the crowd.
· Genny B = “Zach, I’m Pregaz!”
· Lee = “LOL”
· Dirty and Hotman = “Kersal” and “Massive” respectively. (see here)
· Sugar = “It’s All About Me”
· Fits = “*pokes*” and “IM IN YR EVIKSHUN”
*We may be going to the final eviction though, which should be surreal, hilarious and amazing in equal parts. More » 
Big Brother’s Michelle Shows An Almost Inspiring Lack Of Self-Awareness Post-Eviction
1:09PM Jess McGuire | You can’t call her insecure, can you?
Dreamworld’s latest evictee, the truly unfortunate Michelle, has told interviewers that she believes she might have walked away with the cash bonanza at the end of the series – if she’d been more charming toward her fellow housemates.
Ousted Big Brother housemate Michelle insists she would have won the competition if she was nicer to people – but that’s just not her.
Which is a lot like the time we could have won the women’s 400 metre at the Sydney Olympics except Cathy Freeman sprinted off with first place BECAUSE WE ARE NOT AN ATHLETE AND THERE’S NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT!
Honestly, the “I could have won the show, had I been a different person” thing seems almost redundant to point out. Obviously if you weren’t a fuckwit more people would have liked you, Michelle. But the gods did not bless you in that way. Accept your fate.
Also, we wish to note (in paraphrased form) three things shared by Michelle’s poor husband on stage during his chat with the Killeenatron.
i) He used the line “You can’t back out” in reference to getting married.
ii) “My leg was broken”
iii) “Her daughter is just like her”
Read between the lines, people.
i) He is terrified for his life and fears leaving the screaming harpy!
ii) HAVE YOU SEEN ‘MISERY’?
iii) EVEN THOUGH MICHELLE HAS BEEN AWAY IN QUEENSLAND, HER EQUALLY FRIGHTENING DAUGHTER HAS HIM UNDER LOCK AND KEY.
The man needs rescuing. Someone step in, for god’s sake! More » Big Brother To Give Housemates The Choice On Who To Evict
4:00PM Jess McGuire | Here’s the latest news hot off the Big Brother press, folks.
BIG BROTHER FLIPS!
NOMINATIONS & EVICTIONS REVERSED
Frustrated the Housemate you want nominated never gets picked? Screaming at the screen each Monday that you could do better? Well Big Brother has decided it’s time Australia had that chance.
Next week Big Brother will reverse the nominations and evictions, giving the public another chance to nominate, but this time their votes will count for everything.
Unbeknownst to housemates they will in turn be given the power to evict.
The public votes will be the only nomination votes that will count for the week’s nominations (9th July). The following eviction (15th July), housemates will have to choose which out of the nominated housemates they want evicted.
Each housemate is called into the diary room to name two nominees for eviction. i.e. Who do you evict for 2 points? Who do you evict for 1 point? The housemate with the most points will be evicted that night.
Hmmm… we wonder who the housemates will choose to ditch? We’re gonna assume Michelle is on the way out this weekend, so who do you think’ll be served a red card by their fellow housemates in a fortnight’s time? More » 
And Now Jamie Has Left The Dreamworld Compound
3:27PM Jess McGuire | Big Brother’s resident nerd Jamie was evicted last night from the house. Here’s a few things we noted during the eviction show, delivered in snappy point form as our brain is functioning at low speed due to suffering nicotine withdrawals.
- Jamie, you cannot blame EVERYTHING on alcohol. We know this for a fact, because we have tried it repeatedly in our own life and it gets real old, real quick.
- Hey Gretel, could you make your dislike of Jamie anymore obvious?
- You could? Oh, wonderful!
- We like Jamie in a theoretical sense, but find him quite difficult to watch in a David Brent sort of way.
We also don’t believe this for a minute.
Big Brother housemate Jamie says he is such a nerd that when he worked at a sex shop during his university years, he would ignore the racks of pornographic magazines to pour over his text books.
We assume Jamie’s version of not masturbating over porn mags is quite similar to his version of “not crying” ie: TOTALLY LEGITIMATE.
More » 
We Love A Man Who is Unafraid To Cry
3:10PM Jess McGuire | Actually, love is a strong word, but Andrew’s “I haven’t seen Hayley in WEEKS, I LOVES HER GRETEL, I LOVEEEEEES HER!!!!!!!!!!” sobfest last night after he was evicted was strangely moving/amusing.
Also winding up his time in the house on Sunday night after the shows producers decided to go for an all male double eviction – does that not sound somewhat porn to anyone else? – was mega-buffed flirt Thomas.
So who are we left with?
Let’s turn to brilliant blogger Scott To Be Certain for an assessment of the remaining housemates.
1. Billy. A nice enough bloke with nostrils soon to be annexed by the WA mining boom, but otherwise completely vanilla. Adds nothing whatsoever to the house dynamic.
2. Aleisha. The poor man’s Christie (BB05), she has cleverly leveraged off Billy for longevity, realising it worked last year for Jamie. By creating a romantic alliance she ensures plenty of fodder for the BB clip editors should she make the final 2, which is looking possible given she is the only viable remaining female. Acknowledging this fact is gradually causing me to lose the will to live.
3. Daniela. The 2nd Brazilian on the show after the completely mesmerising Andy from BB01, who left the show far too early (cue “Gone Too Soon” funeral violin solo), she sadly doesn’t share her countrywoman’s penchant for leather (that we know of). She did wolf down a fish eye though, but this is hardly akin to Charla downing her body weight in Austrian sausage (and then wilfully regurgitating it with the aid of a butter knife) on The Amazing Race.
4. Zoran. Exceptionally good looking, until he opens his mouth. Amuse yourselves by counting how many times he says “Know what I mean?” in any given 30 second period. Zzzz.
5. Travis. The most calculated strategist in the history of the game. A combination of Ben, Reggie and Jamie, 3 former winners, and deliberately so. Yawn.
6. Joel. Mini-Aqmal is probably a lovely person, but what the hell is that Cosima impersonation when he speaks? Allegedly he has a clashic sensh of humour, which like that other allegedly hilarious contestant Trevor (BB04), is likely to lead him to victory this year. Kill me now.
Check out S2BC for the rest of his housemate wrap up, which does a fairly wonderful job of summing up how Defamer Australia feels. More » 
