emos
Where Emo Fans Go When They Die
2:05PM Jess McGuire | As easy as it is to poke fun at the angsty youth of today, with their deep love of mascara and sweeping fringes, when what first looks like a standard case of the pubescent sooks actually ends in a suicide, it’s a tragic situation and there are no laughs to be had (unless you were born without a soul and are the type of person who lists kicking elderly cripples in your Facebook interests).
So believe me when I say I am not taking the piss out of this terrible story of a thirteen year old girl who took her own life in the UK
A girl of 13 killed herself after becoming obsessed with a fashion which links death with glamour, an inquest heard. Hannah Bond hanged herself from her bunk bed with a tie after becoming an ‘Emo’.
Oh god, not again – are we really going to blame a hilariously rubbish genre of music for the death of another teenager? Is it not more likely that poor Hannah Bond was struggling with depression anyway, and the fact she wore too much eye makeup and listened to My Chemical Romance has absolutely nothing to do with her suicide? When a young sport star commits suicide, do the press go apeshit blaming the cult of Sherrin and a brutal culture which encourages phsyical aggression amongst teenage boys?
Sadly, this explanation of “emo” culture tacked onto the end of the Hannah Bond piece actually made me laugh. And then I felt awful. But come on -
The Emo phenomenon began in the U.S. in the 1980s. It is a largely teenage trend and is characterised by depression, self-injury and suicide.
Followers wear tight jeans with studded belts and wristbands. Their hair is dyed black and worn in long fringes to obscure their faces.
Emo – from the word emotional – is a reference to the angst-filled lyrics and melancholy themes of the rock music central to the culture.
One of the foremost of these “suicide cult” bands is My Chemical Romance, from New Jersey. Their first single, Welcome to the Black Parade, from the album The Black Parade, was released in 2006 and became a huge hit, going to number one in Britain.
The concept album follows the story of a character called The Patient, who dies of cancer. The Black Parade is a nickname for the place where Emo fans believe they will go when they die.
I’m sorry. Repeat that?
THE BLACK PARADE IS A NICKNAME FOR THE PLACE WHERE EMO FANS BELIEVE THEY WILL GO WHEN THEY DIE.
Unbelievable. Has anyone ever heard of this musical Valhalla, where Panic! At The Disco and Simple Plan blares through speakers constantly and everyones parents finally get them?
Lindsay Tanner is gonna have to write another presentation on “emos”, I think.
More » 
That’s Not An Emo Tree, That’s Milky Joe Wearing Eyeliner!
3:13PM Jess McGuire | Ahem.
This tiny article has probably made our day.
A man from Nashua, New Hampshire, was cutting down an oak tree when he discovered what appeared to be a frowning face in the wood. “I’ve never seen anything like this,” said Mike Adasczik.
The treea looks adorable! Just like those plump heavily made up goth kids who gather around at train stations looking sad and bum-puffing their cigarettes in a moody manner!
More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Two Thousand And Great!
3:02PM Clem Bastow | Lord, lord, lord… In case you didn’t already think that Amy’s case of “impetigo”, or the news that Blake Fielder-Civil self-harms when Amy doesn’t make her prison visits on time (according to a prison “source” quoted in the article below, “he is cut to ribbons but carries on gashing his arms with razor blades”), was bad enough, how about this corker: Gordon Smart from Bizarre reckons the sore on Amy’s face is from… stubbing a fag out on her cheek!
Winner!
The troubled star was with pals when she was asked THREE TIMES by staff to put out her Marlboro Light because of the smoking ban.
As she received her final warning, Amy stared straight into the waitress’s eyes and pushed the burning tip of the fag into her own face.
A source at the diner said: “She hardly flinched because she was so high. The whole place was open-mouthed in horror.”
Amy tried to conceal the wound with foundation — but it has now apparently become infected, causing the swelling on her cheek.
Well, we don’t really know what to make of it all. We’d love to say, “Psht, that Smartarse (GEDDIT) is just making up stories”, but given Amy and Blake’s history, unfortunately it’s more likely to be the cold, hard truth than it is to be a wildly inaccurate rumour started in the subeditor’s office.
Don’t do drugs, kids! Or, at least, don’t do them with Amy Winehouse or Blake Fielder-Civil! More » Lindsay Tanner Urges The Nation To Support Emos
1:43PM Jess McGuire | We can honestly say that when we woke up this morning, we were not expecting to see a headline like “Emos need our total support” anywhere in the papers. But the world is a strange and wonderful place, and we must adjust to this fact accordingly.
You see, Labor politician Lindsay Tanner has penned a moving piece published under that very compelling headline. We’re sure he means well, but a grown man putting his name to an article which repeatedly makes use of the word “emos” results in a discombobulating explosion of feelings deep within us. We are amused, and yet frightened. We are touched at the effort, whilst simultaneously shuddering in vicarious embarrassment. Kind of like when your older bachelor uncle tries to hang out with the young folk at family get togethers, forever dropping archaic “groovy” lingo into conversation, his pot belly hanging awkwardly over his hipster tight black stovepipe jeans.
Emos need our total supportBy Lindsay Tanner
You might not have heard of emos. Neither had I until two teenage girls from Melbourne’s outer east committed suicide.
Some people blamed the emo culture.
Emos belong to a distinct youth subculture that emerged from the music and fashion of the goth and punk culture in the 1980s.
Emo is short for emotional. It now seems to reflect quite a bit more than just particular music and fashion styles.
Emos are supposedly sensitive, introverted and alienated.
Already, we’re marvelling at the pace of the missive. In our heads, we are imagining Lindsay Tanner in school uniform, standing in front of the chalkboard and hastily reading his report on the phenomenon of “emos” to a mildly interested troop of classmates. Each sentence is delivered in a nervous, breathless manner, with every new paragraph giving the knee high socks-donning Lindsay a chance to quickly gasp for air.
More of Lindsay’s insight into the world of “emos” after the jump. More » 