election ‘07
Are You Sure You Haven’t Forgotten Anything, Fran?
12:42PM Jess McGuire | Oh, probably not. Fran Bailey’s list of reasons for why she lost the seat of McEwan is pretty dense.
Fran Bailey has blamed her apparent narrow loss in McEwen on a massive population influx in the seat, interest rates, the Kevin07 juggernaut and a sense that the Howard government had been in power too long.
Is Fran Bailey playing the Reasons You Will Hate Me blame bingo, by any chance? More » 
Howard’s Interest Rate Appears To Have Risen In This Happy Snap (Amongst Other Things)
9:47AM Jess McGuire | Oh, we’re clearly being ridiculous and immature, but this photo of Prime Minister John Howard out and about amongst the people during the campaign made us chuckle quietly to ourselves.
They are nice cans, John. We certainly don’t blame you for being momentarily distracted from the mammoth task of convincing the Australian public you’re not an over-the-hill power freak with a little note from your maker saying ‘IOU’ where your soul should be.
Who on earth is he on the phone to, and what is he saying, we wonder?
Feel free to forward anything else election related you think we’d like to the usual contact address (check the info column thingo to your left – we can’t remember the technical term for it because we’re a bit sick today, if you must know, and leaving bed is struggle enough). Shots of Kevin Rudd ogling bottoms are welcome. More » 
News Ltd Slightly Confused By Rise Of Lolpoliticians
12:47PM Clem Bastow | First News Ltd were totally befuddled by the LOLcats phenomenon, now they seem to be attempting to “get jiggy with it” once more – this time shining a light on the Greens-led “LOLpoliticians” craze.
We’re not sure which is more tragicomic – the opening precis, “John Howard can has cheezburger as well, with Australian bloggers progressing from the LOLcats phenomenon to tackling the Prime Minister”, or the sad little caption tacked onto the illustrating image:
Never has the phrase “LOL …” so accurately captured the utter bewilderment of the baby boomers and less-tech-savvy Gen Xers. It’s not so much a laugh out loud as a cry in the dark. More » John Howard Slips Up On Interest Rates
10:08AM Jess McGuire | Dude. If you’re gonna keep BANGING ON about interest rates and shit, claiming to be The Man when it comes to all things Reserve Bank, you may want to know what the interest rate actually is.
The Prime Minister’s ”Hmmm, thanks” at the end made us chuckle quietly to ourselves.
Thanks Jessica!
More » Howard Calls Election For November 24
9:07AM Jess McGuire | If one was to sum up the last few months in the exciting world of Australian politics using nothing but idiotically selected quotes and catchphrases from appalling teen movies of yesteryear, it may go a little something like this. Rudd: Bring it on.Howard: Oh, I’ll bring it.Australian Public: Can’t hardly wait.Rudd: Bring it on.Howard: Oh, I’ll bring it.Rudd: Bring it on.Howard: Oh, I’ll bring it.Australian Public: Can’t hardly wait. (TEDIOUSLY LONG PAUSE…) Rudd: Bring it on.Howard: Oh, I’ll bring it. (TEDIOUSLY LONG PAUSE…) Rudd: Bring it on.Howard: Oh, I’ll bring it. (TEDIOUSLY LONG PAUSE…) Australian Public: Can’t hardly wait. Rudd: Bring it on.Howard: Oh, I’ll bring it. (TEDIOUSLY LONG PAUSE…) Howard to Governor General: You got served (writs for an election). Australian Public: THANK THE SWEET BABY JESUS/OTHER RELEVANT RELIGIOUS FIGURE. FIN. (Keep an eye on your jobs, Grattan/Brissenden/Oakes! With brilliant political insight like the above… etc.) So it’s finally happening. Prime Minister John Howard has declared November 24 as the day of judgement, and here at Defamer Australia HQ we’re giddy with excitement. This is like Australian Idol for grown ups, only with less borderline retarded phrases to express approval* (”TOUCHDOWN!”, “That’s a big ticko from Dicko!”, “You are so beautiful, I would like you and I to be gay lovers”, “I have nothing to say, girlfriend/baby boy”) and more Hillsong influence. November 24 happens to occur during Schoolies Week. A friend asked us this morning if we supposed the Prime Minister picked the date in an attempt to lessen the potential ballot blows of the youth (”Almost three-quarters of voters under 29 said they would vote Labor, compared with 60 per cent in 2004. Only 27 per cent would vote for the Coalition.”) but we’re sure this is simply a coincidence. We’re 100% certain that Mr Howard is in no way counting on the kids, hellbent on squeezing the last few drops of crazed and unsupervised partying from their “holiday” (ie week spent chugging cheap revolting cocktails and awkwardly grinding their sunburned bodies against each other as they dance to the latest Rogue Traders single), being too shattered/distracted by the prospect of losing their virginity to bother casting their votes. Instead, we suspect the Prime Minister’s selection of election date has more to do with the fact that in numerology, those with the birth day ‘24′ are described as “family-oriented, with a gift for restoring and maintaining balance and harmony in relationships” and “willing to sacrifice much to maintain harmony in important relationships” which sounds like a truly apt description of the Coalition’s time in power, although we’re not entirely convinced the Government could be defined as “emotional and sensitive and like to demonstrate their love. They have a gift for both the healing and cultural arts.” In any case, head to GetUp! and take a look around. Remember – politics, despite whatever a quick glance at Howard’s frontbench may lead you to suspect, is indeed sexy. Pay attention! Give a damn! Hand out flyers! Have an election party! Heckle! Question things! Whatevs! *Although it’d be nice to see the nation’s political journalists inject some more flair into their reporting ie “That’s a strokesy from Oakesy!”. We’re going to get a coffee now. More »
Howard Admits IR Reforms Freaked People Out; Also Explains: Water Wet, Fire Hot
10:40AM Clem Bastow | Prime Minister John Howard’s election chances are looking shaky for anything other than a sympathy fuck vote, as he admitted to 7.30 Report sexpot Kerry O’Brien last night that the IR reforms left Australians “uneasy” and “unnerved people”.
Howard also took a moment to do his best Tangina from Poltergeist impression, telling Kerry about the vibes he picks up from opinion polls, i.e. that what the polls are saying is not what they actually mean, or something like that.
“I don’t believe they (opinion polls) are telling me the Government is terminal. I don’t believe they’re telling me I ought to go,” he said.
“I believe they are telling me, ‘You’ve been a good Government but we want more from you about the future’. I hear that message and I intend to respond.”
Rumours that, in a desperate move to be seen as hip and with it to the MTV generation, Howard was planning to team up with Jackie Stallone for a celebreality show about esoteric psychics could not be confirmed at time of press. More » 