After months of open canoodling with celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan has stopped playing coy about whether the two of them are in a relationship, finally confirming the news on (of all places) last night's episode of the radio show Loveline. And she wasn't even prompted by the harsh interrogation techniques of Dr. Drew, either! No, Lohan — who had the phone passed to her after Ronson called in to discuss her hospitalized friend DJ AM — was caught flat-footed after an innocent question by Dr. Drew's cohost, Stryker.

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Though Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff have been rivals for so long that no one can even remember how it began (wait, Aaron Carter? Really?), there's at least one thing the two starlets can agree on this week: their dads each need a serious time-out. In fact, while Lohan took to the pages of MySpace to chastise her father, Duff's received an actual sentencing: ten days in the slammer for poor parenting. Before we explore why, though, let's begin with the latest in the Lohan family psychodrama, which reached its boiling point this week when a fame-hungry Michael Lohan took to the press to denounce the woman who his daughter has "gone gay" for: Samantha Ronson. That didn't sit so well with Lindsay, who made a scathing rebuttal today on her Myspace celebrity blog:

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It's always a hoot when you show up to an audition thinking you're just trying out for another straight-to-DVD horror remake, only to find out afterwards that you just emoted all your talents in front of a titan of the porn industry. In yet another display of complete parental ignorance, Dina Lohan's decision to send Lindsay-wannabe Ali on a journey to score a part in Troll in this weekend's season finale of Living Lohan was kind of equivalent to sending your 14-year old daughter on a read-through of Bun Busters 13 or Breast Wishes 15. Yes, Ali's eager efforts to make it big in showbiz has officially included a smiley "nerve-wracking" experience reciting classic lines like "Ratburgers!" in front of the multi-coloured hair piece-topped Peter Davy, responsible for discovering gangbang queen Houston, among many other hardcore accomplishments. The clip, including Ali's stomach-tightening attempt to impress the porn industry professionals, after the jump.

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We don't know whether to cry tears of sadness or sweet relief, but last night brought us the heartbreaking season finale of Dina Lohan's dream come true: the Lindsay-free joy ride through the one of the most frightening TV family's household that was Living Lohan. And despite all Dina's efforts to convince us we should be happy for little 14-year old Ali and her double whammy of career success stories featured in this episode, the last few months have taught us that a role in the Troll remake and a single that makes our ears bleed do not necessarily a superstar make. But, as we've learned throughout the season, no matter how small these sad triumphs, if it weren't for Dina and her never-ending flow of parental lessons, Ali would still just be some normal teenager allowed to go to the mall with friends and shop, instead of Dina's way of remaining the Mother Of The Century:

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Just when things seemed to be coming up roses for Lindsay Lohan, none other than (surprise!) Mother of the Century Dina has jumped on the chance to turn two otherwise non-items into full-out scandals reminiscent of Lohan's cokepants days. First, reports surfaced that her cigarette- and hickey-delivery girl Sam Ronson refused to play vocally challenged Ali Lohan's new single at a DJ'ing gig last week because she felt the song was "really bad." Not exactly breaking news, right? Thanks to Dina and Living Lohan, we already know anything Ali squeaks out won't turn her into the next Whitney Houston (or even the next Lindsay). Then, over the weekend, TMZ reported that Lohan and Ronson were victims of a hit-and-run bicyclist while taking an innocent walk home after a night out in New York, ending with Lohan in the hospital. And so what? It's not like Lohan was the hitter-and-runner, and any hospital stay without the phrases "asthma attack" or "fainting spell" attached to it is fine by us. But courtesy of both Michael Lohan and Dina's consistently yapping mouths, we will know have the pleasure of associating both stories with the phrase, "bull doodie":

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At long last, Dina Lohan has figured out a way to put all those rumours about her fictional former career as a Rockette to rest. In a clever and trademark bout of not-so-subtle child manipulation, Dina arranges for the always-bored Cody to publicize her very own Vegas show starring Dina, her jazz hands, and a pair of leggings that look suspiciously like a knock-off of Lindsay's blow job-ready version. With Ali's career at its inevitable standstill, Dina decided to show her little ones how a real stage star gets the job done: con your child into playing PR boy for your otherwise blip on glitter-dusted Vegas' star-studded radar, and feign shock and scorn for the cameras after Cody's adorable promotional fliers are hung all over town. And still, amidst all the excitement of Dina's return to solo stardom, we viewers learned yet another essential trifecta of lessons on how to belittle your son, blow off pony-tailed Carlos Leon-wannabes who just want a piece of your delicious arse and, of course, dance like it's 1989:

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In the grainy land of reality show famewhoring, sometimes a pair of boobs will come together and a cable miracle is born. And that's exactly what happened last night when we saw our maternal icon, Dina Lohan, meet our paternal icon, Hugh Hefner. On the latest edition of television's most reliable guide to parenting, Dina taught us some highly unique strategies in order to effectively downsize your son's balls, fake your way to the fountain of youth via Me-Time, and prove to your tweenage daughter just how insanely awesome and superior you are by making her choose between "Mr. Hot" and a career in music best left for those with actual talent. The newest lessons learned from Living Lohan, below:

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Another day, another provocative pictorial series starring a scantily clad Miley Cyrus. The latest batch of photos featuring the 15-year old Billion Dollar Girl staging her own personal Playboy Jr. shoot for boyfriend Nick Jonas has surfaced online, thanks to a hacker who claims he got a hold of everything on Miley's iPhone. We've already seen Miley's makeout sessions with various girls and boys, eating her clothes off and, of course, daringly flashing her bare back in Vanity Fair. But now we have the (uncomfortable) pleasure of seeing the then-14 year old showering in a wet t-shirt, photographing her widely seen midriff and, in a highly anticipated step closer to actual kiddie porn, totally topless. And judging by Miley's posing style, stances, and familiar Blow A Kiss act, this is not a matter of kids growin' up so fast these days. If you're looking to point fingers, look no further than original self-produced porn star Lindsay Lohan:

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A brief refresher course in what's currently going on in the wild world of the Lohans: Lindsay's dad, Michael, apparently banged some woman when he was separated from Lindsay's mum. The lady he banged had a child. Yesterday, Michael took a paternity test to see if the child is his. We're still waiting on that verdict, but stop the presses ... OK! Magazine has the first photos of Lindsay's potential half-sister Ashley!

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Last night's Living Lohan was all about Ali and her glass-breaking array of vocal talents. The happy family, which is somehow shrinking and growing simultaneously every day now, is still taking Las Vegas by storm as each member's collective talents go into creating International Superstar-Turned-Trainwreck number two. Little Cody helps out by distracting Dina with adolescent silliness like concussions and that all-too-common need to be "loved," Ali helps broaden the franchise by doing her best Daddy Left Us And I'm Gonna Record My Angst- And Nicotine-Laced Breakdowns For You! rehashing of Lindsay's already perfected musical adventures, and Dina grants us with another round of must-have parenting lessons:

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