david archuleta

4:31AM Seth | When Radio Station Photo-Op Ideas Go Wrong: David Archuleta Glimpses Horrifying Vision of His Possible, Justin Guariniesque Future Edition! Someone at Oakland’s KHOP 95.1 FM thought it would be a good idea to have Archie work the Drive-Thru/sign autographs at fourth-tier fast food franchise Del Taco (seriously, they couldn’t trade him up to a Quiznos or something?), which the preternaturally upbeat, tweensy Idol phenomenon smiled through without complaint. (His father was just out of camera range, barking, “Goddamit the blue Tercel said NO sour cream. Get in the GAME, son.”) Enjoy a gallery of photos here, including one of Archuleta sweetly taking the time to sign the back of Pugsley Addams’s T-shirt. [ONTD] More »

Knowledge That David Archuleta Reads Defamer Makes Life Worth Living

5:58AM Seth | Finally coming out to the world as a David Archuleta fan has made a huge difference in our day to day lives—we just feel lighter and happier, as if we can finally start being the real us, instead of keeping up some ridiculous charade of what society expects a grown man living in Silver Lake to have on his iPod. But never, in our wildest Archie-loving dreams, did it ever occur to us that he might actually…know we exist. More »

Defamer’s Track-By-Track Review Of David Archuleta’s Debut CD

5:38AM Seth | We’ve already expressed to you how American Idol runner-up David Archuleta could literally save the world. How big an Archie fan are we? Let’s put it this way: You see that video above us? We’re the one in the orange shirt and glasses. Well, we’ve just downloaded his debut CD on iTunes, made available today, and have jotted down our thoughts on every track. Our occasionally tear-smudged first impressions follow: More »

David Archuleta Caught In Crossfire Between Mormon Church And 98% Of His Fanbase

8:56AM Seth | We find ourselves absentmindedly doodling pictures of littlest karaoke soldier David Archuleta in the margins of our publishing software, wiling away these final days until his totally-going-to-blow-Cook-out-of-the-water debut LP drops. But listen, Archie—our little shaved koala, our 300-lb. gospel powerhouse in the body of a 17-year-old Mormon twink—the times, they are a-changin’, but not a-quite fast enough. You’ve already begun to do your part, releasing a catchy single called “Crush” whose video remains titillatingly unspecific about which of the several boys splashing around in a lake you secretly want to take Christmas Tree shopping. But things are escalating. More »

David Archuleta’s Lyric-Challenged Tumble From ‘Idol’ Frontrunner Grace

9:25AM Seth | To say that David Archuleta arrived at the Idol Thunderdome last night carrying with him the judges’ raised expectations is akin to saying the Magi had high hopes for that Nazareth kid over at the Ye Bethlehem Inn. He was, as Simon Cowell pronounced in the second week of competition, “the one to beat”–as good a coronation of Saviordom as any. His myth quickly grew: Animated woodland critters would suddenly appear every time he opened his mouth to sing…His voice could heal the lame, bringing to his feet scores of girls afflicted with a rare condition that rendered them incapable of lowering their arms…His farts smelled like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. But anyone watching could immediately tell that something was not right: More »

‘Idol’ Controversies Kick Into High Gear With Gay-Lapdance Confirmations And Videotaped Wishes For Santa-Rape

4:16AM Seth | We’ve expressed some frustration that American Idol hasn’t yet given us more to work with by way of controversies, but we’re happy to say that today brings some solid progress in that department. For starters, we have official confirmation via AP report that dark horse contestant David Hernandez once made a living giving dark horsey rides: More »

From David To Kelly: An ‘Idol’ Frontrunner’s Brush With Destiny

8:45AM Seth | If you aren’t yet familiar with magical Mormon munchkin David Archuleta, chances are you will be soon. Already dubbed the Chosen One by the LAT, the 17-year-old singing wunderkind seems as though he were literally fashioned out of plasticine by disconcertingly bedentured Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe, ready out-of-the-box for mass tween consumption. And while his aw-shucks humility has served him well thus far in the competition (his reaction to the judge’s gushing and Ryan Seacrest’s mild flirtation after his first performance was something akin to tickling a five-year-old mercilessly), Archuleta, in keeping with the theme of this year’s vet-heavy Idol, is no stranger to high-stakes performing. More »