Dave McCormack love continues here at Defamer Australia. Just had a squizz at my new BFF's MySpazz blog and laughed my arse off at this entry.

Cooking and health on the road......

Current mood: hungry
Category: Food and Restaurants

Being a hugely successful rock star and media identity means a lot of travel. And travelling means grabbing whatever food you can, whenever you can. Over the years, I have developed many handy tips and tricks for eating right and feeling good on the road. After a sweaty gig and with a belly full of booze, it is tempting to head for the nearest kebab or burger or pizza or cheesecake. Instead, why not head straight back to the hotel room. Every hotel room contains all we need for a fully fledged rock and roll kitchen; a hairdryer, a jug for boiling water and an iron. With these handy implements and a bit of forethought, a tasty, nourishing midnight meal is only seconds away.
First thing to do is to get your hands on a nice leg of lamb. We all know lamb has been a celebrated dish for centuries - lamb is served at weddings in the Middle East, Jews love it for Passsover and it has been a Christian Easter favourite for longer than I can remember. Avoid mutton if possible. Good quality lamb is available all year round and you should have no problem getting a leg or two from the 7-11 as your drive back to the hotel in your Tarago after the gig.

Simply grab the lamb and push it neatly into the electric jug until it is in far enough to close the top. The lamb should make a tender squelching sound and be soft to the touch when it is fully enclosed. Turn the jug on and then run yourself a nice hot bath. By the time you pull your wrinkly soaked body from the tub, your lamb will be done to perfection. Feel free to chuck a few sprigs of rosemary and a bit of garlic in there with it for extra seasoning.

For those with a sweet tooth, simply grab some vanilla beans, some ripe figs, 3 tablespoons of cream and about 100ml (enough to cover a small baby's head) of Cognac or Armagnac. Get yourself a hotel pillow case (discard the pillow itself for now) and throw in all the ingredients. Lift the bulging sack above your head and swing it round like a helicopter rotor blade. When fully combined, open the end of the pillow case and give it a blast with the hairdryer (make sure it is set to maximum) for about 10 minutes. Allow to sit for 30 minutes and you will have a tradition rock and roll "soggy pillow" dessert. If you don't like the texture of uncooked figs, use poached figs. Nice.

Finally, for a meal in a second, grab some squid, 2 large tomatoes and some vermouth or white wine. From the cupboard, extract the ironing board and the little folder of information that you find in every hotel room. Remove some pages and spread the ingredients out, placing another page on top, a bit like a sandwich. Vigorously iron the mixture for about 5 minutes. Once again, the iron must be on maximum. Taste and adjust seasoning, sprinkle with parsley. Serve with sliced sourdough bread.

So there you have it. Using a little bit of knowledge and ingredients readily available from service stations, truck stops, adult novelty stores and convenience stores throughout the land, you will be the envy of all your band mates and fans.

Remember, cook responsibly.

Love,

David

The man is a genius.

ARGH!

Technical difficulties have prevented me from popping this promised audio up in a sweet mini-player sort of way - along with large dollops of conversation which we will hold onto for when Angie Hart misbehaves in a ridiculously public way and we feel that random chit chat about vegetables and drunkenness will deliver us the all important "hits" - but bugger it, let's allow you to download in a terribly primitive manner an mp3 of Angie Hart instructing you PERSONALLY how to win tickets to her East Coast shows with Dave McCormack.

Right click and save as

Marvel as Angie pretends to love the YouTube Clip Of The Day feature, and practice your fingering skills (so to speak) when she is railroaded into agreeing to let eager punters holding a recorder join her onstage at shows to play along to Labour Of Love!

After some highly impressive clip submitting, Marcus has won two tickets to tonight's Melbourne show, while Marnie is the lucky winner of tickets to the Sydney gig on Thursday night at The Vanguard, but the rest of the shows are still up for grabs. Do what you must.

So I vaguely hinted last week (and by "hinted", I obviously mean "hit you over the head with a large block of wood with the words 'ANGIE HART AND DAVE MCCORMACK ARE GOING ON TOUR AND WE HAVE TICKETS TO GIVE AWAY SOON' carved into it") that we had something special to offer the beloved readers of Defamer Australia this week which was somehow connected to the lead singers of Frente and Custard, and by jingoes, we'll be following through on our promise of free passes to the shows.

However, I prefer to bundle these giveaways up with something resembling an interesting online experience, and this booty of gig goodness is no exception.

Thus, I am happy to inform you that I managed to locate my infamous special journalist hunting gear once more, and soon I will be popping online an EXTREMELY EXCLUSIVE (ie: slightly idiotic) interview with Angie Hart - in AUDIO FORM. Yes! Recorded this morning, you can listen to your editor playfully insult Australia's favourite songbird! Hear the amazing asides and dumb jokes that should have been edited out for the sake of both our reputations, but weren't! Because I'm lazy and quite dreadful when it comes to using editing software!

I do need to clean it up a little though, so it won't be up until tomorrow (around midday). Accompanying it will be instructions on how you can win a double pass to a show near you over the next fortnight. And next week - no promises, but I can only try - I'll attempt to get Dave and Angie to do a little something special just for the viewing pleasure of Defamer Australia readers.

"PORNO?" - You

Oh, behave.

"OMG AND WHERE WILL THE SHOWS BE HELD, ANYWAY? MAYBE I WANT TO BUY A TICKET JUST IN CASE I DON'T WIN ONE!" - You

You're a switched on cat, and I respect that.

After the jump, a helpful guide to the tour (and some phone numbers if you'd like to order yerself a couple of tickets).

"BUT WAIT - CAN YOU TELL US ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR BRILLIANT AND PENETRATING (LOL) INTERVIEW WITH ANGIE HART IN ADVANCE?" - You

Okay. IF you have a recorder, and IF you can play the solo in Labour of Love, then Angie has agreed to welcome you on stage at the shows to play along with her and her handsome guitarist Sam Agostino. Top that!

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - You

Dude, I know.

Now jump and check out the tour schedule, for fucks sake.

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Ahhh, 1981 in Australia... a blissful, innocent time. A period where a man could compliment a woman's legs without fear of reprimand, and when ladies flashed their knickers with impressive regularity.

To celebrate, let's watch the following advertisement from "back in the day".

Awesome.

Today's YouTube Clip Of The Day was submitted by Tim C in response to our Sime Nugent gig competition yesterday. As a reward, Tim will find himself on the door (plus one) at Friday night's festivities at The East Brunswick Club.

East Coast living Defamer Australia readers should stay tuned, as we have tickets to give away for what should be an awesome July tour featuring two beloved Australian artists. Let's just say if you're a fan of Custard and/or Frente, and have a healthy admiration for the lead singer of each band's solo works too, then you'll be WELL PLEASED with what we have to offer you next week.