connor cruise

Katie Holmes’ Attempt To Flee The Scientology Kingdom: A Tragedy In Three Parts

8:30AM Molly Friedman | Looks like it’s time to reopen the case of Suri Cruise and the Toxic Scientology Bottles. After seeing this photo of Katie Holmes and her tiny dancer, we couldn’t help but notice the presence of an actual sippy cup. Why is this news so glorious? You see, most babies tend to go from nipple to bottle to sippy cup to the wine glass you’re currently holding. But Hubbard’s Parenting Book tells Scientology mums like Holmes to rot their kids’ teeth with honey instead, a method Holmes had been following obediently. But before we could celebrate Suri’s freedom and Katie’s long-awaited rebellion against Overlord Tom and his disco-dancing minions, Cruise suddenly descended on their escape attempt clutching an asbestos-stuffed rabbit that made Suri cry. The dramatic series of events, in pictures, after the jump. More »

By Sheer Coincidence, Tom Cruise’s Son Lands Role In Will Smith’s Next Movie

8:15AM Molly Friedman | The last time we were allowed a brief glimpse into the mysterious lives of Tom Cruise’s “other” kids, the news wasn’t pretty. Harvey Levin and his TMZ minions were pointing out their awkward adolescence and homelessness, even going as far as to making a crack about their “frizzy” hair. But following in his defiant father’s footsteps, 13-year old Connor Cruise is fighting back against all those media meanies by reportedly scoring a plum role in the upcoming Will Smith vehicle, Seven Pounds. And as happy as we are that Connor finally realised playing soccer while surrounded by paparazzi wasn’t likely to turn into a full-time career, we’re somewhat suspicious of Tom’s claims that Connor scored the part of potential Scientologist/Cruise buddy Smith “all on his own”… More »