In a summer where we seemingly can't go a full day without facing down some newer, denser wave of comic-book effluvia, the recently released Watchmen teaser is up there among the more nerve-rattling encounters we've endured. It may just be the destabilizing Billy Corgan whine, or poor Billy Crudup writhing in CGI anguish, or the idea that Zack Snyder is actually the "visionary director of 300" to which the ad copy refers. Or maybe it's just that the only teasers that seem to captivate our attention any longer feature either vaguely racist chihuahua dance numbers, Brad Pitt aging backwards in Spanish or some permutation of men saving Earth — usually brooding and often in slow-motion. Maybe it's just that we need to get out more. In any case, here you go. Did we mention Billy Corgan whines? Never mind. [Empire]

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No sooner did the Universal logo appear onscreen than straight men around the world shrugged at the sight of the new Mamma Mia! trailer, a glittering, sensory-overloading hint at this summer's forthcoming tribute to the revolving institutions of ABBA, Meryl Streep, and general gayness.

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Should we be surprised that the largest visual Beowulf marketing placement in Tinseltown is a customised gift-wrap of the Public Storage facility squatting at the corner of Santa Monica and Highland? Nay! The well-researched placement is simply Paramount's attempt to sequester a share of the eyeballs normally reserved for Apple's longstanding "We are fucking huge, and we are here to stay" tribute to dancing and antisocial >> behaviour directly across the street.

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Today, the creative dream team of American Idol host/tireless megaproducer Ryan Seacrest and America's Got Talent judge/off-key finale-stealer David Hasselhoff have announced their promising collaboration on Tales From the Hoff, a scripted E! series that should provide a much-needed respite from the celebrity-fellating network's nonstop countdown-related programming. If you've ever furrowed a brow at the actor's repeated attempts at sustaining a post-Baywatch show business career and thought to yourself, "This man's sad quest to remain relevant to a generation that's never even heard of Knight Rider would make a darkly funny television show," then this upcoming project will quickly find itself on your Season Pass list, according to Var:

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Hoping to further exploit the seemingly inexhaustible demand for stories about the Denali-jacking, coke-panted, briefly-incarcerated-but- frequently-rehabbed starlets whose misadventures move as much tabloid product as the public can choke down, producer Joe Nasser - you may know him as the mastermind responsible for the upcoming Willa Ford vehicle Anna Nicole - today announces his intention to eventually bring Celebutard: The Motion Picture (inferior working title: Hollywood Brats) to the big screen. Reports the Times:

"It's all about these girls in Hollywood getting into trouble," Nasser said. "You see them all go to jail, you see them get arrested, you see them go through trials and tribulations."

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[Note: video possibly NSFW] The release of the red-band trailer for Beowulf finally provides a promising demonstration of the powerful motion-capture technology director Robert Zemeckis has been trying to perfect over the last handful of years. While earlier versions of his moviemaking technique were able to produce nothing more impressive than disturbingly dead-eyed, animated children in The Polar Express and somewhat less disturbingly dead-eyed, animated children in Monster House, the director's mainframes can now generate computer-enhanced images of a naked, golden Angelina Jolie so compellingly lifelike that audiences will momentarily forget about all the fantasy-destroying, do-gooding baggage she's accumulated since acquiring her debilitating orphan-collecting addiction.

• Beowulf Uncensored Internet Trailer [YouTube]

Back in the good old days of the web - say, circa April of 2007 - when one's CAA-backed, Will Ferrell-supported comedy video-sharing site had an amusing clip starring an attention-grabbing A-list talent one wished would go "viral," one simply posted it and let the internets work their magic, confident that endlessly forwarded links would efficiently deliver their work to the eyeballs of bored employees across the globe. Now, however, we live in far more complicated times, when newly retained PR firms dare not leave anything to chance, as evidenced by this e-mail invitation enlisting the help of the "internet press" to turn Bill Murray into Funny or Die's next drunken, swearing baby:

FUNNY OR DIE INVITES YOU TO PARTICIPATE IN A SPECIAL INTERNET PRESS PREVIEW OF "FCU: FACT CHECKERS UNIT" AN UPCOMING FUNNYORDIE.COM EXCLUSIVE WEB SHORT STARRING BILL MURRAY, THURSDAY, SEPT. 6

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Every time we attempted to watch more than 30 seconds of Dog the Bounty Hunter, we always found ourselves wishing that someone would replace the pro-wrestler-looking guy with the ass-length mullet with a bunch of chicks who would occasionally type on laptops, roundhouse-kick heavy bags, and say things like, "We're gonna have to Tazer this guy!" or "I'm gonna bring him out with my big, sexy, luuurrring ways." A thank you, then, is owed to Court TV for so thoroughly meeting all our bounty hunting show needs, as demonstrated in this Today clip. We might finally have something else to check out on the network after we're done watching freakishly thin Star Jones learn to live with the decreased capacity of her walnut-sized stomach.

• Today [MSNBC.com]

Given envelope-pushing Fox reality guru Mike Darnell's recent contract extension and NBC rock star Ben Silverman's proven track record of repurposing the very best of foreign television for American audiences, we expect a heated bidding war for the rights to Japan's Joyous Marble-Smash Happy Funtime Challenge to begin momentarily. Our prediction is that Fox will prevail over the Peacock, and the late summer debut of the Jeff Foxworthy-hosted Can We Punch You In The Balls For A Hundred Dollars? will be an unqualified hit.

• Nut Shot Japanese Show [YouTube]

In the interest of bringing a small amount of closure to the Lohan-related events we've so exhaustively covered this week, we note the unsurprisingly low Tomatometer score for her cinematic sideshow I Know Who Killed Me, which, in fairness, reflects the opinions of only a small group of critics due to the studio's understandable decision (really, hasn't everyone suffered enough?) not to pre-screen it for the media. But to judge from this first wave of nearly unanimous negative reviews, not even the prospect of sharing an inappropriate laugh in a theater sparsely populated by fellow trainwreck fans is worth the price of a ticket.

• I Know Who Killed Me (2007) [Rotten Tomatoes]
• Previously: Inside Last Night's Lohan-Haunted 'I Know Who Killed Me' Screening [Defamer]