christmas
Music
1:26AM Ryan Tate | Here’s the cover to Bob Dylan’s forthcoming Christmas album. Proceeds go to charity; as Vulture notes, this lends hope the project won’t be commercially corrupted and critically panned. We still wish the sleigh driver had a harmonica holder or something. After all, a Dylan flourish would make the disc all the more gift-able!
Bob Dylan’s Christmas Idyll
1:26AM Ryan Tate | Here’s the cover to Bob Dylan’s forthcoming Christmas album. Proceeds go to charity; as Vulture notes, this lends hope the project won’t be commercially corrupted and critically panned. We still wish the sleigh driver had a harmonica holder or something. After all, a Dylan flourish would make the disc all the more gift-able! 
Music
When Good Musicians Record Terrible Christmas Albums
7:43AM Ryan Tate | Bob Dylan has been recording a Christmas album featuring songs like “O Little Town of Bethlehem” and “Here Comes Santa Claus,” according to two websites. His career trajectory does seem about at that regrettable stage. The precedents are sad. More »
Anyone For A 50% Off, Christmas-Themed Britney Spears Image Party?
7:45AM Defamer Hollywood | It’s a little late, but the Jewish media titans controlling Defamer US don’t exactly know when the pagan holiday commemorating the birth of your false prophet falls on your calendar; what you call “Christmas”, occuring on December 25th, is just regular ol’ Tevet 16th, 5768 to us. Having said that, here’s a video montage of Britney Spears set to one of her own Christmas songs, as compiled by Defamer’s own Image Party Picasso, Molly McAleer. More »
‘Yule Log III’ Packed With Bonus Features
7:36AM Defamer Hollywood | We’re sure more than a few of you apartment- and tract-housing dwellers without the luxury of a real fireplace have turned to the crackling comforts of the televised Yule Log over the years to give your Christmas mornings some added ambiance. More »
Not Santa
5:04AM Defamer Hollywood | “The driver — 6-foot-4 and 280 pounds — was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving [on Sunday evening], in this case a misdemeanor, police said. In addition to a red Santa hat, he wore a blond wig, red lace camisole, purple G-string, black leg warmers and black shoes. ‘We are pretty sure this is not the Santa Claus,’ Deputy Chief Ken Garner said.” [LAist] More »
Brit Academic Decrees Cracker Jokes Not A Crack-up
12:36PM Clem Bastow | In one of those hilarious “serious” articles commissioned to leaven the merriment of Christmas, the Sun today reports on a survey conducted by UK academics to decide upon the worst ever Christmas cracker jokes.
You know, the little rolled up pieces of coloured paper that usually fall out and end up in your roast dinner or egg-nog.
Why they thought they needed university muscle to do this, we don’t know, but the results are typically hilarious (for all the wrong reasons), with “What is Santa Claus’ favourite pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even” decided upon as the all-time stinker.
Andrew Linn, Professor of Linguistics at the University of Sheffield, deconstructed the top-placed gag.
“The essence of a fine joke is clever and original use of language, often exploiting some sort of ambiguity. This joke has been voted the worst Christmas cracker joke because it is almost too clever,” Prof Linn said.
“It uses ambiguity in how the words are put together (’deep pan’ ’deep and’) as well as contextual ambiguity (pizzas and a Christmas carol). In short, once you get it, it’s a real groaner.”
But hang on a minute, those academics missed another point – surely it should’ve been Good King Wenceslas’ favourite pizza?
Mummy, our heads hurt!
Read on for the top ten Christmas clangers – ho, ho, ho!
More » 
The Bbc Ruins Christmas, Says Sorry; Bulk Orders Of Lumps Of Coal Comin’ Right Up
4:02PM Clem Bastow | Heartening news today that people have had jack of political correctness, after the BBC committed something tantamount to treason when they decided to bleep out the words “faggot” and “slut” from beloved seasonal favourite The Fairytale Of New York, by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl.
The Beeb emerged from the ensuing fracas with their tail firmly between their collective legs and a sorry look on all their faces.
The BBC had said the full lyrics might be unsuitable for children hearing it on the morning school run in their parents’ car.
But MacColl’s mother Jean lashed out at the decision. “I think it’s pathetic, I really do. It’s absolute nonsense. Really, this is too ridiculous,” she told BBC Radio 5 Live.
“As a parent, whatever age your child is, you have to guide them. You would say, ‘well, some people talk like this’,” said Ms MacColl, whose daughter died in a boating accident in Mexico in December 2000.
After relenting later in the day, Mr Parfitt explained that it was because the BBC believed there was no malicious intent in the words.
“While we would never condone prejudice of any kind, we know our audiences are smart enough to distinguish between maliciousness and creative freedom,” he said. “In the context of this song, I do not feel that there is any negative intent behind the use of the words, hence the reversal of the decision.”
Good to see that the people still have some power against our new broadcasting overlords.
Hop on over the jump with a glass of eggnog or eight and enjoy a rollicking rendition of Fairytale to celebrate the triumph of good music over tedious moral guardianship.
More » Barbara Walters Gets A Little Braggy About How Many Famous People Want Her To Have A Merry Christmas
8:30AM Defamer Hollywood | Preferring to keep to herself the naughty Yuletide tales of how a couple of glasses of brandy-infused apple cider and a tantalising proximity to some dangling mistletoe release her Rent-A-Santa-craving, hot-flashing office party freak, The View’s Barbara Walters decided to celebrate the season by sharing with America the Christmas cards her famous friends have recently sent her. Thankfully, the segment veered away from the erotically charged one of yesterday, though there was a fleeting moment when we feared that Walters, stroking the suede-and-lace accented greeting from a certain fading megastar with a little too much relish, might succumb to the same kind of baffling Cruiselust that once wreaked havoc on former couchmate Rosie O’Donnell’s sexual identity. The View [ABC.com] More »
Mincing Pete Wishes You A Very Merry Christmas, Eating All The Pies
11:31AM Clem Bastow | A little pre-Christmas cheer from everyone’s favourite petri dish experiment on mould “human being” troubled knob muso, Pete Doherty, who is apparently planning to stave off the booze/horse pangs this Christmas by gorging on his favourite holiday treat.
Like you, we’ll believe it when we see it.
Potty Pete, 28, amazed fans by rejecting offers of booze before he joined his pals on stage at the Tap ’n Tin pub in Chatham, Kent.
The Babyshambles singer said: “It’s going to be mince pies for me this Christmas. I’ve got a massive order on the way.”
Surely the edited end of that statement read “…on the way from Colombia, where they are packing them full of the finest crack money can buy; thanks, $100,000 guts-spilling fee!” More » 
