chefs

Gordon ‘F–ken’ Ramsay Gets Sh-tting Spray From His C–ting Ex-Friend, The M—–f–ker.

10:54AM Clem Bastow | Gordon Ramsay, the celebrity chef and television identity that the Australian media likes to remind us is pretty sweary, has probably put a few extra dollars tenners fifties in the swear jar after his former best friend, mentee and bloke-whose-wedding-he-was-best-man-at decided to open up and give Ramsay what for. For what, we are still not particularly sure. His most famous protege and former close friend Marcus Wareing described him as a “sad bastard” whose influence had left him feeling, “trapped and constrained”. [...] Wareing’s comments follow a bitter legal battle over his position running Ramsay’s two-star restaurant Petrus at the Berkeley Hotel in West London. He has spent nine years heading up the kitchen, but in May the hotel announced it wanted to work directly with him, rather than deal with Ramsay’s company. The move has been challenged by Ramsay’s lawyers. Wareing now claims he would rather “kill myself” than work with his mentor again. Wow, choosing suicide over Ramsay? Them’s fightin’ words – two thumbs way up, Wareing! Then again, though our constant use of the cuddlesome photo of Ramsay draped with a widdle baby sheepy is our feeble attempt to stop the Ramsay coverage from being too nasty, it’s probably all true – and he probably slit the lamb’s throat right after the photoshoot and then tossed it on a hot plate. More »

Nigella “Secretly” Seeing Personal Trainer; We “Secretly” Think This Is A Load Of Arse

3:04PM Clem Bastow | We told you recently that the Food Network in America were apparently horrified by the size of TV chef Nigella Lawson’s behind (like a horse’s, apparently); much groaning ensued. Well, the seemingly irrelevant “news” of her weight gain continues to inspire rabid editorial, as the Daily Mail has reported that Lawson is apparently so mortified at putting on weight that she is seeing a personal trainer in a clandestine manner more suited to secret drug drop-offs than exercise, one would think. The domestic goddess, who admits to a weakness for calorific treats, has embarked on an intense exercise regime in a bid to lose weight. Says a chum: “Nigella has been secretly meeting a personal trainer to do an aerobic work-out session tailored to help her get back into shape.” Is that so, “chum”? The problem seems to be this: Nigella Lawson is and has always been referred to as “sexy” or “hot”. Current media/celebrity theory also tells us that to be hot, one has to be slim. You can be “ugly” and fat, or maybe even “funny” and fat, but you can’t be sexy and “corpulent” (thanks, odious Age editorial). This whole thing makes us feel more ill than we would if we ate one of Lawson’s cream and butter stuffed honey baked ham lard sandwiches deep fried in chocolate – honestly, WHO CARES what size she is. Who cares what size anyone is! She’s a chef for crine-outloud! More »