Not having listened to much commercial radio since overexposure to it had me saying "come back after the break for your chance to win a Hyuuuundaaaaii" in my sleep, I was unaware that Australian reject expat Sam Sparro was doing quite well in the charts, both here and in the UK.

So well, in fact, that his track Black & Gold, possibly a tribute to his favourite budget supermarket brand food, was being whispered as a giant-killer that could hold Madonna off the top spot. Alas, poor Sam, it wasn't to be, and he's done what any electro-popper in his situation would do: started ranting bloody murder about Madge.

"Madonna is wretched at the moment - absolutely vulgar. Put it away," the young artist told UK magazine Attitude.

Despite topping the local charts, Sparro's spray got personal, claiming the superstar had resorted to desperate measures to maintain her career stronghold.

"You're not young and sexy any more," he railed, telling the interviewer Madonna had been "thoughtful and mature for a while and now she's chucked it away in a desperate attempt at being hot again. It's a bit vile."

The 25-year-old also let fly at Madge's looks, saying: "I definitely think she's had some work done - like a recent facelift."

Wow, awesomely diplomatic there, Sam! I bet no one thinks you're a bad loser at all! No way in hell!

Actually, I did hear Black & Gold in the car today - or at least, I heard approximately 23 seconds of it before my ears started bleeding. She may be "vile", Mr Sparro, but at least her song is better than yours. See you on VH1's One Hit Wonders Of The '00s - Where Are They Now? in thirty years!

New Zealand's ex-struggling musical comics Flight Of The Conchords keep kicking goals since breaking the US market; first they were picked up by HBO, signed to SubPop, then they won a Grammy for Best Comedy Release, and now they're even charting in the states.

Naturally this means our local press, tired of Australians' not succeeding overseas (see: Oscars "disappointment" etc), will soon do a number on Flight Of The Conchords and claim them in much the same way we did Russell Crowe, Crowded House and Whale Rider.

The self-titled album from Flight of the Conchords, who have their own show on cable channel HBO, sold 52,000 copies in the week ended April 27, according to tracking firm Nielsen SoundScan.

In the process, they outsold pop idol Ashlee Simpson, whose new album opened at No.4 with 47,000 copies. Bittersweet World marks her first release that did not go to No.1.

Top work, eh bros! Stick that in yer chilly bin and, er, smoke it.

Although beating Ashlee Simpson to chart supremacy doesn't really wash with the whole 'struggling musos' aesthetic of their show, who cares? Coldplay have been singing songs about failing and being unlucky in love for years now!

Our first indication that something might be awry with Jessica Alba's career came not when that guy on TRL told her that getting pregnant was "Not cool, dude", but rather when we saw the one-sheet for her new movie, The Eye. While certainly a captivating Photoshop job (ish), we found it fairly bizarre that Lionsgate would choose NOT to use the beautiful visage of one of the most lusted-after actresses in the world to promote their film. But then we did some research on Rotten Tomatoes and realized something very important. Save for fanboy fave Sin City, no one really seems to have liked any of the films she's starred in.

Read More »

Looks like the Idol curse has claimed another female winner and Natalie Gauci's debut single, Here I Am, has limped in at a "disappointing" #2.

This gives her the dubious honour of being the first Australian Idol winner not to have their single debut in the top spot, and is - all in all - a rather fitting end for the fifth season of the talent quest, which looks to have terminal rot setting in.

It debuted at No.2 with the less-than-stellar response partly due to the sledgling it got from Idol runner-up Matt Corby.

Gauci herself had admitted she as at first confused by the song but her overhaul of the track written by American hitmakers Lindy Robbins and Tom Leonard was undoubtedly a far better version than Corby offered.

...Download sales have yet to skyrocket in Australia hampered by broadband speeds. Even though Gauci's Here I Am was available via Bigpond straight after her win a week ago, it only reached No.3 on ARIAs Digital Track Chart.

Well, honestly, Blind Deaf Dumb Freddie could have told you this would be the likely result.

If they insist on importing these wet power ballads for Idol releases, they need to be prepared for this result. Maybe back in 1997 when Faith Hill was big news they could've gotten away with it, but the Kids Of Today™ want something with a happening beat!