celeb love

Paris Hilton’s New Lover Is An Aussie

10:40AM Jess McGuire | According to latest reports, Paris Hilton is now dating an Australian t-shirt mogul with the gnarly name of Tyler Atkins. Party girl Paris Hilton appears to have fallen for the larrikin charms of Australian fashionista Tyler Atkins – a one-time car thief and confessed drug user. The surf-loving Atkins, 21, was yesterday revealed as the new mystery man in Hilton’s life, with the duo being inseparable over the past few days. Atkins has been faithfully trailing Hilton, 27, on the party scene in Los Angeles since the pair was spotted canoodling at a celebrity jewellery event held at a private Malibu estate on Saturday. Inseparable for a few days? This must be the real thing. BestWeekEver found a YouTube video featuring an interview with Atkins, but the clip appears to have been removed since the site first posted about it. Probably because it sounds… well, decide for yourself whether BWE’s description affects your view of Paris Hilton as a teetotalling angel whose humble ways thoroughly moved renown tough nut interviewer Larry King. What’s interesting is the YouTube interview this wastoid gave a few weeks back, in which he describes in extensive, semi-retarded detail his encounter with a “famous celebrity” in Hollywood who took him back to her mansion, drugged him, and forced him into “full-on threeway” sex with her and a girlfriend. We have no idea who he’s referring to, but our hearts bleed for this poor young lad. More »

James Blunt Has Delusional New Girlfriend

9:09AM Jess McGuire | Tedious British singer-songwriter (and inexplicable ladies man) James Blunt has apparently landed himself a fresh girlfriend. Writes Sunday Mirror columnist Zoe… I have met the newest girl that James Blunt has been calling Beautiful. Mika Simmons, 30, who is a holistic therapist, told me at a party last week: “It’s official, I am James’s girlfriend.” Always ominous when a celebrity’s new lover approaches a tabloid columnist to make the relationship official, but go on. With his new album All The Lost Souls out this autumn, it looks like James is settling down. I saw him with a different girl every night at the Cannes film festival in May, following his split from Czech model Petra Nemcova. WHY? But Mika, who was once an actress with bit parts in TV dramas Casualty and Bad Girls, has moved in to the singer’s Chelsea flat. She gushed to me: “How many girls wake up every day and get sung the most beautiful song in the world? Things are going really well.” We’re not sure how many girls wake up every day and get sung the most beautiful song in the world, Mika, but one thing we can definitely conclude is that if you’re shagging James Blunt, you’re not one of them. More »

Catherine Zeta-Jones Explains How Michael Douglas Managed To Get In Her Pants

11:39AM Jess McGuire | It’s time to add another chapter to The Big Book Of Deeply Moving Celebrity Love Stories, because Catherine Zeta-Jones has revealed the magically seductive pick up line thrown her way by Hollywood’s favourite sex addict Michael Douglas. In an interview with US magazine Parade due out this Sunday, Zeta-Jones, routinely voted one of the world’s sexiest women, relates how Douglas wooed her with the some would say cheesy line, ‘I want to father your children.’ Clearly Zeta-Jones wasn’t thinking straight when she found herself swooning at the notorious wick-dipper’s one liner, because in practical terms Douglas was essentially saying “Allow me to place my old man penis inside you, shuffle about for a while, and then leave a sticky mess which in nine months time will result in a small creature who will both scream and defecate incessantly for a tediously lengthy amount of time.” “Months later, we were dating, and I was already in love with him,” she told the magazine. “But there was one thing I had to be sure of. I turned to him and said, ‘Do you really want children?’ And I thought, for that one minute, he was going to say, ‘I already have a son, Cameron,’ and I would have to say goodbye. “I remember saying defiantly, ‘I cannot live without having children.’ And he went, ‘Me too’.” “Me too” – a rapidly ageing man’s way of saying “Oh god, let me just touch it once before I die, I beg of you.” PS: For the record, we actually quite like Michael Douglas. More »

Olivia Newton-John Arouses Suspicion By Dating Men Who Apparently Look The Same

11:15AM Busty St Clair | Australia’s most uninteresting celebrity export, Olivia Newton John, has a new boyfriend. The much-loved Aussie songbird, whose long-time boyfriend Patrick McDermott mysteriously disappeared two years ago, stepped out with natural health guru John Easterling on Tuesday night. The whereabouts of McDermott, who bares a strong resemblance to Easterling, is still unknown despite several reported sightings of him in Mexico since he disappeared on an overnight fishing trip off the coast of Los Angeles. A strong resemblance? As in, what? They’re both men?? Tell us what you think about this astute observation from the Sydney Confidential team. Here’s John - And here’s Patrick - More »

Someone We Have Never Heard Of May Have Left Someone We Have Never Heard Of For American Actor We Are Vaguely Familiar With

8:12AM Jess McGuire | Now, we’ve made a fairly concerted effort to get to know the “Who’s Who” of Aussie showbiz since we blackmailed our way into a position of blogging power here at Defamer Australia, and this pursuit of knowledge has meant we’ve done a crash course in AFL players and B-grade Australian blonde actresses. But we still don’t know who the fuck these people are. Australian actor Teresa Palmer is believed to have split from ex-AFL footballer Stuart Dew and is rumoured to be dating Spider-Man star Topher Grace. Palmer, 21, is based in Los Angeles while Dew, who retired from playing AFL for Port Adelaide last year, lives in Adelaide. “Teresa is now living in LA for work reasons,” a source close to Palmer told The Sunday Telegraph. “Her and Stuey are apart but they have not officially separated, they are on a forced break brought on by the distance between them. “They are both good friends and are in regular contact. Topher and Teresa are mates, that’s it.” Well as long and Teresa and ‘Stuey’ aren’t officially separated, our whole day hasn’t been ruined. Once again, who are these people? Are they quite famous? Or just in Adelaide? Which is a legitimate kind of fame, don’t get us wrong… We can only hope one day to be Adelaide-Famous. Hell, Hobart-Famous would be enough. Cherrybrook Shopping Centre-Famous? We will try harder in the future to keep abreast of these things, we promise. On the upside, we have a vague memory of finding Topher Grace a bit spunky in some movie or another, so at least the entire article didn’t go over our head. More »

Pussycat Doll Doesn’t Get Hit On By Men

4:00PM Jess McGuire | Nicole Scherzinger, from girl group extraordinaire the Pussycat Dolls (once described by website HolyMoly as “herpes in a halter neck”), has told reporters that menfolk just don’t put the moves on her. The Don’t Cha singer admitted that men are scared of her “no-nonsense” attitude and decide to stay away. “Guys are usually frightened of me so I don’t get hit on a lot,” Nicole explained. “I think as a female, if you carry yourself a certain way, you don’t get that. If you show that you are no-nonsense and mean business, guys are less likely to bother with you. It’s all about the energy you are putting out there.” In other possibly unrelated news, the Pussycat Dolls are repellent. More »

Tom Cruise To Marry Jamie Packer!

1:51PM Jess McGuire | But not in a gay way, because both men are enthusiastic vagina hunters* and don’t you forget it. We’ve held off writing about James Packer’s impending nuptials to fellow Scientology follower Erica Baxter because to be honest, we’ve been too swept up in the excitement of it all to pause our hyperventilation and actually sit down at the keyboard to bang out some rubbish about their love affair. But today’s twist to the wedding story is simply too good, and so we’ve huffed on an inhaler and applied ourselves accordingly. The A-list guests for James Packer’s wedding to Erica Baxter flooded into the French Riviera yesterday, ready for days of celebration and relaxation. One guest yet to arrive last night, however, was Tom Cruise, who if US media reports are to be believed could find himself promoted from guest to celebrant. Women’s Wear Daily claims Cruise is now at the highest level of Scientologist, which would allow him to perform the wedding ceremony for fellow L. Ron Hubbard follower Mr Packer. This revelation has sent our party thetans into fits of glee. We are simply so excited at the idea of Tom Cruise being the one who turns to the bridegroom to utter the following words (which are part of a traditional Scientology wedding ceremony) “Now, James, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice if you will, but still they need them.” Because frankly, those words tickle us more than we could ever express. Perhaps a cat! PERHAPS A CAT! IT NEVER GETS OLD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA x a billion (to fade) *Phrase courtesy of our lover Simon Amstell. More »

Enrique Iglesias Will Woo You With Gay Anthems

7:40PM Jess McGuire | Newly single Enrique Iglesias (yes, he and Anna Kournikova have called it a day… hopefully the break up wasn’t related to him admitting he has a tiny cock) likes to get down and dirty with the ladies whilst listening to… the Village People? Erm, yes. Enrique revealed his favourite band is Village People – and he enjoys listening to Macho Man while making love. Lyrics for the camp group’s sexy classic include: “Body, wanna feel my body? Body, such a thrill my body/Body, wanna touch my body?/Body, it’s too much my body/Check it out my body, body.” We’d like to take a moment to appreciate the fine lyrics of Macho Man, stirring words we (unbelievably) had never noticed featured in the tune. He said: “Village People are one of my favourite bands. It’s not a joke! I’m surprised you think it’s a joke. “I like their originality. I really do.” And while he chose Marvin Gaye, Josh Groban or even Enigma as mood music to make love to, when asked if he also adds the Village People to the list, he said: “Yes, to Macho Man.” Later this month Enrique, who scored a UK No.1 with Hero in 2001, is back with a new album Insomniac and single Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song). There is something kind of brilliant and tragic about Enrique’s new single having a title like ‘Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song)’. Has anyone actually heard it? UPDATE: Apparently he and Anna have not split up, it was just a merry jape! We’re kinda starting to like his pisstaking, even if his back catalogue does make us feel like rubbing our face against a cheese grater until we hit bone. More »

The Poo Would Give Everything To The Right Teenage Girl

2:24PM Jess McGuire | It sounds like it could be the reality television show of the year. Australian tennis star Mark “The Poo” Philippoussis is looking for a partner, and he’s planning on hunting down his true love through the magical modern Cupid that is a reality television dating show. It’s called Age Of Love – although we would have called it Ace Of Love. DO YOU SEE WHAT WE DID THERE? According to reports… In a slick new TV commercial in the US, Mark Philippoussis looks earnestly into the camera and proclaims: “When I do find the right person I will give everything to her”. Swoon. The ad is the launching pad for US TV network NBC’s slick promotional campaign for its new dating reality show, Age of Love, starring the Australian playboy and tennis star. Philippoussis, 30, did not know it when he volunteered to sign up for the show, but the producers arranged for seven of the 13 desperately single American women competing for him to be aged over 40. OVER FORTY? ARE YOU MAD, NBC? THOSE LADIES SHOULD BE IN A NURSING HOME, NOT FEELING UP OUR BELOVED SCUD! FIND HIM A MORE APPROPRIATELY AGED WOMAN (SIXTEEN TO NINETEEN) AT ONCE! Philippoussis, who has always dated younger women, also has six hot bikini-clad babes aged in their 20s to choose from, but to make it tough, the producers, while the cameras were rolling, first introduced the man known as Scud to the more mature women. He had just broken up with 19-year-old fiancee, Miami actress model-actress Alexis Barbara, so the older women came as a shock. “I knew what he was walking into and he didn’t,” the show’s producer, JD Roth, said today. “It was difficult for me to look him in the eye knowing how sincere he is and how he really wants to fall in love. “He walked up that first night and was introduced to women all aged over 40 years old. “He handled it very well.” God bless The Poo, what a gentlemen. We are so very proud that he managed – for the sake of the show – to resist his natural and very reasonable urge to throw up upon making eye contact with the haggardly geriatrics. More »