celeb delusions of grandeur

Dannii And Sharon Osbourne’s Bitch Fight Set To Upstage Grand Prix, Kiss

1:50PM Clem Bastow | Remember Dannii Minogue and Sharon Osbourne’s mighty X Factor cat fight? Well, just when you thought it was all over, the two showbiz dames are likely to cross paths at the upcoming Melbourne Grand Prix, as both ladies are likely to have RSVPed for the various celeb-soaked functions that surround the motor race. Ozzy will be in town to play Rod Laver Arena that weekend, and Sharon is accompanying him (presumably so she can remind him he is playing a concert, and not going for a prostate examination). Formula 1 drivers will rub shoulders with celebs including Rachel Griffiths, Miranda Otto, Fifi Box and Dannii Minogue at the high-rise party. But the real fireworks are expected when Minogue and Sharon Osbourne run into each other at the champagne bar. As co-judges on the Brit version of talent quest X Factor, there was no love lost between the two, with Osbourne attacking Minogue on air. We can’t wait, cat fight, the hair, the hair etc, but did anyone else notice something odd about that excerpt? “Celebs including … Fifi Box“. Yes, that Fifi Box. Celeb is probably pushing it a little, wouldn’t you say? More »

Chipsop Katona Feels Britney’s Pain

9:24AM Clem Bastow | Former Celebrity Mum Of The Year and Atomic Kitten reject Kerry Katona has lashed out at the UK tabloids, as she reckons they treat her worse than Britney Spears. The thing is, Kerry, it could be argued that Britney – like you – just lives her life as she sees fit and the press report it with minimal editorialising. Well, that was at least what we were going to run with, until the Mail opened their piece on the matter with this: If this is what Kerry Katona looks like after five hours of pampering at a salon we’d hate to see the ‘before’ photos. Nice! They then grudgingly mention that her eating-all-the-pies visage, you know, may have something to do with the fact that she’s heavily pregnant, but like, whatever. Anyway, back to Kerry herself: Kerry, who last night hosted a late-night baby shower at London’s Hospital nightclub attended by Big Brother stars Ziggy Lichman and Sam and Amanda Marchant, said: “I’m the British Britney Spears, which is ridiculous.” “The press write what they want to write about me. Once they’ve built you up, they try to pull you down and they’ve been doing it for the last two years now. “You show me one picture of me taking cocaine or coming out of a nightclub in the last two years. “I’ve admitted taking it for about a year but look at Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty and Kate Moss. They’re legends for it and I don’t do it any more. “I’ve just recently done a drugs test which I had to do for a court case and of course it came back negative, which I knew it would anyway. “It’s just unfair. I want people to forget what they read and remember the Kerry that won in the jungle because that’s still me.” “The Kerry that won in the jungle” refers to her time on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! And, you know what? All that stuff we said about a lack of editorialising the facts of Chipshop’s misdemeanours? We take it all back. As we were scrolling through the story, in the links pane to the right we saw this: Okay, Kerry, we believe you now. More »

Richard Ashcroft Thinks Verve Reformation Worthy Of Headlining Festivals; Clearly, The Drugs Do Work

10:56AM Clem Bastow | After apparently fluking The Verve’s Urban Hymns, Richard Ashcroft has continually shown himself to be a tool of astronomical proportions and questionable talent (we should know, we couldn’t give his solo stuff away on eBay), and his latest outburst is no exception. Apparently, according to Dicky, all these Boyzone, Take That, Spice Girls and Led Zeppelin reformations can pale into insignificance with the news that The Verve are getting back together – and he thinks they should be given an appropriately large celebratory return performance. The Verve frontman Richard Ashcroft wants the band to headline Glastonbury 2008. The star insisted it would be a “travesty” if they didn’t take centre stage at the event – though the recently-reformed band faces serious competition for one of the coveted slots. Speaking to XFM, Ashcroft said: “I think it would be a travesty if we didn’t. Because I think what’s missing from a lot of the headliners is we’re one of the few bands that can jam without sounding like Lynyrd Skynyrd on a bad night, so we can actually take people on a proper journey, rock ‘n’ roll-wise.” Oooh, Richard, you do not want to incur the wrath of the Skynyrd fans – we’ve seen them, and they are not pretty (and some of them keep axes and rifles as “pets”). And beyond that, how about a nice, steaming cup of shut the fuck up? The fact that he thinks a protracted jam session is the mark of a good band is indicative of his skewed view of “the biz”. All of this reminds us of one of our favourite negative reviews of all time, on the topic of Ashcroft’s solo effort, Keys To The World: “In Richard’s head he no doubt thinks he’s made an album that stands up with the greatest rock records of our time. We can concur with part of that statement. Richard Ashcroft has made an album.” More »