celeb breakups
‘That’s An Ouch’: Joe Jonas Dumps Taylor Swift Over Phone In A Record 25 Seconds
7:35AM Seth | Pop-country tween phenomenon Taylor Swift dropped by Ellen today to promote a new album of songs that tap deep into the wells of heartache she’s already amassed in her scant 18 years on this planet. The most achy-breaky of all? Her breakup with dreamy-haired Jonas brother Joe, about whom she says pragmatically, “One day…I won’t be able to remember the boy that broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18.” What follows is a thunderous wave of “Ohhhhhhwaaahhhhhhwhoooooooaaaa” from the audience we think is supposed to encapsulate their shock, sympathy, and outrage over the callous tele-dumping. While we feel for the singer, we too are certain there’s far more worthy suitors in her future, and she’ll chalk this experience up to yet more grist for the country-song mill, culminating in a CMA-winning composition entitled, “I Need Your Lovin’ (Like I Need A Fartin’ Dog in My Dodge).” [Ellen] More »
‘Jennifer Aniston’s Body Is A Wonderland, But I’m More In The Mood For A Six-Flags Groupie Adventure,’ Admits John Mayer
5:15AM Seth | We’ve been made vaguely aware that there recently existed some sort of romantic entanglement between preternaturally unlucky in love Friends star Jennifer Aniston and female-anatomy-as-human-amusement-park-rhapsodizing troubadour John Mayer—and that it has ended, badly. Our condolences go out to both of them, but particularly to Aniston, about whom we’re really starting to believe that one-eyed Gypsy woman who grabbed us on a Melrose sidewalk, wagging a gnarled finger in our face as she warned: “Mark my words—Jennifer Aniston will die alone!” before vanishing into a nearby alleyway. More »
Whales Cry For Free Spirited Isabel As Adrian Swims Off Into The Sunset
8:55AM Clem Bastow | There’s a kind of hush in the oceans of the world today as dolphins and whales everywhere take a moment to pause and reflect on the sad death of one of their own – well, perhaps “death” is a little melodramatic, but it seems that our free spirited hippie princess Isabel Lucas’ relationship with fellow green star Adrian Grenier is as finished as a penguin in an oil slick. Our princess is pictured at Hayden Panettiere’ Whaleman Foundation Benefit over the weekend, at which she was flying solo, and as usual, a helpful source is able to fill in the gaps:
“It wasn’t working out,” says the source.
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‘Us Weekly’ Liveblogs Sarah Silverman’s Post-Jimmy Kimmel-Breakup Brunch Of Despair
6:35AM Seth | We don’t know how many more young Hollywood power-couple breakups our hearts can bear: Days after learning that Drew Barrymore would never again look the Mac Guy in his built-in iSights, cooing, “You’re so unbelievably special and have a huge, amazing heart. You really do have the soul of a manatee—free and strong and beautiful,” out of the side of her mouth, comes word now that Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel’s open-fucking-relationship is no longer. (Sure, this seems like Matt Damon’s perfect opportunity to swoop in and bag the potty-mouthed Jewess of his dreams, but we’d argue that it was the illicit nature of their mini-bar rendezvous that really fuelled the affair. Now that she’s available, we doubt we’ll be hearing any musical odes to fat Damon moustache rides.) While their flacks would only offer, “Jimmy and Sarah will have no further comment,” usmagazine.com spotted Silverman with “a male friend” at WeHo bruncherie Hugo’s, where they obsessively chronicled her every menu choice, facial expression, and A-list tableside condolence:Vegas Bartendress Fails To Tame Bucking Bachelor Bronco George Clooney
2:45AM Seth | Call us incurable romantics, but something about the pairing of Hollywood elder statesman George Clooney and Sarah Larson—the Phish-loving, sandworm-emulating Ginger to his Fred—seemed to us more than your standard, fly-by-night arm-candy operation. This was a girl who inspired in George acts of chivalry previously thought not possible—on one occasion requiring him to come nearly to fisticuffs with a physically imposing margarine-spokesman just to protect her privacy. Yes, we naively predicted these two crazy kids would find a way to muddle through, in road rash and in health. We were wrong:
Warning: A Broken Heart May Lead To Drink Driving Charges
9:04AM Jess McGuire | It’s wonderful when close friends of celebs care enough to contact gossip columns and give them the lowdown on exactly what was on a troubled star’s mind when said star happened to plonk their metaphorical expensive footwear into a metaphorical steaming pile of legal poo.
That’s exactly what the Herald Sun’s Confidential column is reporting, with Alex Dimitriades’ chums spilling their guts about the reason behind the Underbelly actor’s recent brush with the law. It was a broken heart, Your Honour/court of public opinion!
Friends of Alex Dimitriades have blamed lovesickness and the success of Underbelly for his drink-driving arrest, while his co-star has gotten a new gig.
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The Daily Telegraph Has Taken The Monk-Madden Break Up Rather Badly
8:10AM Jess McGuire | Look, we’re all upset at losing a new Australia’s Favourite Son-In-Law contender (the position having been sadly left vacant ever since Tom Cruise abandoned Our Nic and pursued his interest in couch-jumping and psychiatry hatin’) in Benji Madden, the tattooed twin from Good Charlotte who has moved on from his relationship with actress Sophie Monk with lightening speed – and straight into the arms of Paris Hilton.
But the tone in this article regarding Ms Hilton’s donning of a ‘B’ necklace leads us to believe that somewhere in a News Ltd office, there’s a writer taking things particularly hard and strangely personally.
Paris Hilton may be showing off a bejewelled B named for her latest lover Benji Madden, but really, it may as well stand for bitch.
Thems fightin’ words!
The necklace is the latest display of nasty behaviour straight from the pages of Hilton’s how to be a bitch manual, and surely designed to get a rise out of Madden’s ex fiancee Sophie Monk. Monk was especially attached to the “B” for Benji necklace the Good Charlotte guitarist gave her as a gift last year, even insisting on wearing it in the promotional material she did to launch the Bio-Fit bra for Pleasure State last June. Close to her heart, literally, behind-the-scene spies on the set recalled Monk wouldn’t be parted from the trinket necklace at the time.
Hang on, Benji’s giving the same gift to all his ladyfriends? Surely that would leave a bad taste in Paris’ mouth (not an unusual occurence, but nevertheless…). How odd.
But while the Hollywood heiress clearly thinks she’s winning the battle of the blondes, she’s effectively only flaunting her deep seated paranoia and insecurity along with the necklace.
We really did look earnestly for a by-line on the off chance we’d discover Sophie Monk is now writing for the Telegraph, but there’s no trace of the author in the online version of the article (unless we have been blinded by lack of sleep and, perhaps more devastatingly, lack of coffee this morning).
Regardless, Sophie Monk will no doubt be pleased to learn the Australian media is 100% behind her. Once Andrew Bolt and Michelle Grattan throw in their two cents, we’ll be done. More »
Sophie Monk: “My Idiot Ex Did NOT Leave Me For Paris Hilton!” World: “Suuure…”
9:55AM Jess McGuire | Sophie Monk has broken her silence (what happened to the whole “this will be the only statement we’ll be making on the break-up” schtick, eh?) now that the public has learned her former fiancee Benji Madden is currently running around town with Paris Hilton, and has insisted the well-ridden socialite was not the reason for the couple’s break up.
The former member of all-girl outfit Bardot, who is from Brisbane, said the media had got it “all wrong” with speculation over her break-up with the tattoo-laden Madden, lead guitarist with international chart-toppers Good Charlotte.
“Let me make this as plain as possible, Benji did not leave me for Paris Hilton. Benji and I did not break up badly or anything like that,” she said.
“We both decided as adults our relationship had run its course and decided to move on.”
And then, three hours later and totally free of guilt, he decided Paris Hilton was the one.
To be fair to Sophie, we’d be choosing denial over accepting the fact Paris Hilton was the preferred choice of ladyfriend of a man who is clearly, clearly punching above his weight when it comes to landing paramours.
Monk added that despite her relationship bust-up, her acting career in the US had gone into “overdrive”.
There’s that denial again… More » 
Ryan Phillippe Urges You Not To Order That Abbie Cornish Voodoo Doll
8:59AM Clem Bastow | Ryan Phillippe has come out in defense of his alleged giirrrrrllllfriend Abbie Cornish – who was seen putting a Christmas wreath on her head in an effort to impress his children over the holidays – and says that, contrary to the belief of the gossip mag set, she was in fact not the reason he and America’s Sweetheart™ Reese Witherspoon broke up.
Phillippe and Cornish have been sort of dating for a fair while now and we’re sure her tendency to wear topiary as hats has nothing to do with his reticence when it comes to officially confirming their relationship.
He claimed the reason for the break-up from the mother of his two children was “far more complicated and far less interesting than it was made out to be”.
“It was unfair for (Abbie) to be called the names that she was, because it wasn’t about that,” he said.
Cornish was mauled by the American showbiz media over the rumoured role she played in wooing Witherspoon’s husband when the pair met on the set of Stop: Loss. But Phillippe said no other woman was responsible for his divorce.
“I don’t think an outside person can ever cause a divorce. I had difficulties in my relationship and in my marriage long before I ever met (Abbie).”
Well, that’s good then, because it was causing almighty tears in the space/time fabric of Australian women’s magazines – on the one hand, they wanted to call her “lovely”, “radiant” and “beautiful”, but they can’t use those words if she’s a marriage wrecking harlot, either, and lord knows the Weekly et al love to call a woman “lovely”. More »
Sophie Monk No Longer With The Bloke From Good Charlotte Who Isn’t The One Who Knocked Up Nicole Richie
10:54AM Jess McGuire | It seems like only a month ago Sophie Monk’s reps were insisting she and Benji Madden’s relationship was just fine and dandy (actually, it was) but that is not the case now, with the couple officially announcing yesterday they are splitsville.
Revealed exclusively to Confidential by Monk’s Sydney agent Yoon Kim, the announcement ends months of speculation about the gradual deterioration of the high-profile couple’s 18-month relationship.
“Sophie and Benji have officially split. The decision was mutual and they remain amicable,” Kim’s statement read. “This will be my only statement regarding this matter.”
After meeting on the set of a Good Charlotte videoclip in mid- 2006, the starlet and the tattooed rocker embarked on a whirlwind romance which peaked with a marriage proposal six months later at Monk’s Gold Coast home.
Whether her parting of ways with the more internationally famous Madden will affect Monk’s rapidly skyrocketing career in Hollywood where she has dazzled in assorted blonde hottie roles (a quick glance at her IMDB profile reveals she’s currently filming Spring Break ‘83, while another enticingly titled film – Spring Breakdown – is in post-production) remains to be seen.
Ah well, Sophie. There’s always Brandon Davis. More » 
