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Two-Thousand-And-Great Gets Even Greater For Channel Nine

9:16AM Clem Bastow | At this point in time there’s almost no point reminding you what a shit year Channel Nine has had so far – between the bonings, cancellings, court orders, legal disputes, anonymous scandal rags and Eddie McGuire, it’s as close to an annus horribilis as one gets without involving the royals. Well, things just keep getting better – not one but two of their new flagship shows are being booted out of their time-slots, no doubt in order to give them a dignified death out of the glare of prime time. My Kid’s A Star has been all but dumped, with the remaining episodes to be shown at midday on Saturday, instead of at 8pm on Wednesdays. Meanwhile new drama Canal Road has been shifted back an hour from 9.30pm on Wednesday to make way for Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen. Canal Road premiered on April 16, drawing 1.09 million viewers, but that fell last week to 811,000. My Kid’s A Star, featuring young performers and their stage parents, has failed to rate since premiering with just 878,000 viewers earlier this month. The network on Monday said remaining episodes had been shifted, with the final to air on Saturday May 17. “The last three episodes will screen Saturdays at midday from this week,” a Nine spokeswoman told AAP. So, for those of you who are keeping score, that’s two ‘local content’ comedies and dramas, and one big-ticket reality/talent show down the gurgler, and we’re not even halfway through the year. At this rate, all Nine has left in the Aus-made basket is more “observational reality” programming (i.e. where they gaffa tape pens into the hands of critically ill in-patients so they can sign their release forms before having a leg removed, etc), Fire 000 and Search And Rescue. More »

Daniel Radcliffe Breaks The Hearts Of Aussie Girls; Pulls Wings Off Flies In His Trailer

1:10PM Clem Bastow | Well! We predict that the jingoistic tabloids will go into an absolute frenzy of righteousness within the next day or so following the revelation that Daniel Radcliffe was ‘avin’ a larf about his mysterious Australian girl. What’s more, Harry Potter didn’t even have the guts to come out and say it himself, choosing to speak via his rep. There will be at least two very angry Mums at dinner tables tonight, we daresay! “(Radcliffe’s comments) were meant in jest, but sadly been blown out of all proportion,” his London-based representative Vanessa Davies told New York’s Daily News newspaper. Translation: “Those silly little newspapers down there in the colonies, throw them some crumbs and they go into a feeding frenzy.” We’re inclined to agree with this imagined colonial cringe; really, what did the papers think this was, a second take of that Heartwarming™ story about the dude who saw an Australian girl on the subway in New York and declared his love online? Ooh, someone from overseas – not to mention rich – thinks Australian girls are nice! We’ve finally been validated! More »

Another Australian Publication Bites The Dust

4:46PM Clem Bastow | New Woman, the mag that was never quite saucy enough to muscle in on the Cosmo/Cleo crowd, not fashionable enough for the Marie Claire/Harpers Bazaar crew, and not quite grown-up enough for the Women’s Weekly audience, is set to close at the end of April. Since publishing behemoth ACP took over Emap Australia’s titles last year, they have apparently noted New Woman’s “challenges”, which in mag publishing trade-speak essentially translates as “it’s fucked”. ACP Magazines chief executive Scott Lorson said ACP had made the decision to close down the magazine “sooner rather than later”. “The title has enjoyed some success in the past, but has struggled to establish a unique and sustainable position in the highly competitive women’s lifestyle category,” Mr Lorson said. “When we purchased the Emap business, we were aware of the significant challenges facing New Woman.” Don’t be too quick to shed a tear for the staff, however, as ACP are particularly good at absorbing and reabsorbing staff from one magazine to another – witness the career trajectory of, for example, Mia Freedman (through the revolving doors of Cosmo, Dolly and so forth) and Paula Joye (from Cleo to Madison) and Bronwyn McCahon (Cosmo to Dolly and back to Cosmo). More »

Spice Girls Tickets Selling Like Coldcakes

3:55PM Clem Bastow | The Spice Girls tour that initially seemed like the most exciting thing EVER OMG has started slowing down somewhat, with ticket sales waning and critical reception cooling. Now, with Emma Bunton hobbling around with a busted foot, it seems that booking seventeen gigs in London may have been a little too optimistic on the part of the promoters as the arenas’ seating stands become speckled with gaps. It seems Girl Power is on the wane as the group’s second performance, on Sunday, was reported to be less than full and Monday’s had plenty of seats available. Saturday’s show at the O2, the Spice Girls’ first performance together in the UK for eight years, was boasted to have sold all 23,000 tickets in 38 seconds. The girls, included Mel B who was spotted at Cipriani with husband Stephen Belafonte on Sunday night, then added 16 more dates because of the overwhelming enthusiasm. But the initial rush on tickets was not all it seemed as the internet touts, who bought thousands, started selling them for less than a third of their face value. And audience members at the venue on Sunday said it was noticeably empty, with one saying there were “a couple of hundred” spare seats. On Monday, seats were available on the O2 website. Look, this really only says one thing to us: it bodes well for a secret gig at Melbourne’s Tote Hotel when they eventually arrive in Australia! Only 350 tickets available, send us your money now! More »

Two Tickets Become One As Spice Girls’ Tour Dates Empty Out

11:05AM Clem Bastow | Well, it couldn’t have been all wine and roses (or whatever the bloody saying is) for the Spice “Girls” on their reunion world tour. They’ve enjoyed a number of high-profile television gigs, a fairly warm critical response, and good ticket sales – until now, that is. They recently played the second of two dates in Las Vegas and the auditorium was about as “full” as North Geelong Basketball Stadium was when we went to see Spice Force: The Australian Spice Girls Experience in 1997. Promoters boasted of a sell-out tour, but it appears a number ticket holders had second thoughts about seeing the Spice Girls perform in concert last night. Almost half of the seats in the Mandalay Arena auditorium were empty as the group took to the stage for their second show in Las Vegas. …It’s not the first disappointment the Spice Girls have encountered since their reunion. Their charity comeback single Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) is the worst selling Children in Need song ever after it scraped into the UK midweek charts at No.10. It’s funny, isn’t it – if you were a struggling young indie band, it’s safe to say you’d pretty much lose your shit if your single “scraped in” at #10. But this obviously means the death knell for the Spicy reunion. We gather that these “friends forever” will be gagging to never see each other ever again come the final dates of this tour. More »

Natalie Gauci Sets The Charts On Fire (If By “Fire” You Mean “Damp Squib”)

2:40PM Clem Bastow | Looks like the Idol curse has claimed another female winner and Natalie Gauci’s debut single, Here I Am, has limped in at a “disappointing” #2. This gives her the dubious honour of being the first Australian Idol winner not to have their single debut in the top spot, and is – all in all – a rather fitting end for the fifth season of the talent quest, which looks to have terminal rot setting in. It debuted at No.2 with the less-than-stellar response partly due to the sledgling it got from Idol runner-up Matt Corby. Gauci herself had admitted she as at first confused by the song but her overhaul of the track written by American hitmakers Lindy Robbins and Tom Leonard was undoubtedly a far better version than Corby offered. …Download sales have yet to skyrocket in Australia hampered by broadband speeds. Even though Gauci’s Here I Am was available via Bigpond straight after her win a week ago, it only reached No.3 on ARIAs Digital Track Chart. Well, honestly, Blind Deaf Dumb Freddie could have told you this would be the likely result. If they insist on importing these wet power ballads for Idol releases, they need to be prepared for this result. Maybe back in 1997 when Faith Hill was big news they could’ve gotten away with it, but the Kids Of Today™ want something with a happening beat! More »