Anticipation is building steadily for the release of Lynne Spears's Through The Storm: A Real Tale Of Fame And Family In A Tabloid World, a sort of My Life by Bill Clinton for the absentee parenting set. As luck would have it, the National Enquirer has secured an advanced copy of the three-time grandmother and world class permissivist's memoir, in which she weighs in with astonishing honesty about her powerlessness over her teenage daughter's extra-curricular activities:

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Comeback Comeback: Britney Spears's ongoing flirtation with this year's VMAs has progressed past the stage of hanging out near an elephant while Russell Brand played Itsy Bitsy Spider up her inner thigh. She's going to open the show—though great care is being taken not to have a repeat of last year's performance, a still of which now appears next to the word "train·wreck" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Instead, MTV Networks Music Group President Van Toffler said it will be something "fun and unexpected." Britney said in a statement, "MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs? I'm excited to open the entire show, to say hi to my fans and to be nominated." [AP/Yahoo]

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Actually, that's not the case at all. (Besides, everyone knows her event is javelin.) No, this was a photograph taken from the opening night of her Sticky & Sweet Tour in Cardiff, Wales. While there existed in it no single sacred-cow-buggering money shot like her last tour's disco ball crucifixion sequence—and the tour before that when she was lowered via loop-and-pulley system onto an engorged Dalai Lama—there was an eyebrow-elevating video installation in which images of John McCain were juxtaposed alongside "photos of Hitler and brutal Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe," while later in the show a similar montage featured Barack Obama spliced with pictures of John Lennon, Mahatma Ghandi, and Ron Popeil Al Gore. Needless to say, the McCain camp was outraged, as much over her heavy-metal bastardization of "Borderline" as they were the ugly comparisons to the Third Reich:

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Though we may go back and forth on whether we want our MTV, one thing we can all agree on is that we want a Dirt Sandwich. Like your favourite music channel in its heyday, it's packed with pop stars (Britney! Sanjaya!), celebrity antics (Bill Murray skydiving) and even the occasional bit of sobering news (Christina Applegate's mastectomy). And that whole "quick-cut MTV editing" thing? We got that, too. Sit back, put down your remote control, and let Molly McAleer take you on a psychedelic trip through the world of celebrity infotainment that would make even a Radiohead video seem banal. And if you don't watch? Katherine Heigl is gonna point and laugh at you.

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· You know how everyone used to complain that Britney Spears lip-synced her way through all of her concerts? Well, after seeing this video that isolates Britney's vocals during her "Live From Las Vegas" show, we're pretty sure you'll be thankful that backing tracks exist. [Funny Or Die via Buzzfeed]
· We know that we're supposed to bow at the feet of Radiohead because, well, everyone bows at the feet of Radiohead. But we can't help but concur with Hold Steady guitarist Tad Kubler's recent comments about the band: "I think they've lost the plot. I like them as a rock band, all the buttons and sequencing and stuff like that I don't really care for. I'm a fan of rock music, and what they're doing now I don't think is very good." [Vulture]
· We've been thinking a lot about Sharon Stone ever since we revealed her new twentysomething boyfriend yesterday. While her film career is stalled, we think we spotted a reality show opportunity that would be a perfect fit for her brand of crazy: Vh1's Cougar Camp. [NY Post]
· This headline has us thankful all of the film critics haven't been killed off yet: "Hamlet 2: The First One Was Better." [Time]
· Most of our favourite movies of the '80s require a healthy suspension of disbelief to enjoy. Teen Wolf was one of those films. But now, thanks to the comedy troupe Summer Of Tears, we're not sure we're ever going to be able to watch it again without contemplating how none of the characters raised an eyebrow when the bestiality angle came into play. [/Film]

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Back Together: After Britney Spears skipped out on plans to record a Timbaland-helmed duet with Justin Timberlake for her last album (hmmm, maybe she's been busy?) the NY Post reports that the pop singer and Timberlake are finally set to reunite for her album due later this year. Though the Post calls it a "long-awaited duet," we have to wonder: haven't they already recorded one together? Not that we knew that or anything, it just...happened to come up when we Googled "Britney duet." OK, fine, we'll admit it. We knew about it already. You've caught us Cheeto-handed. [NY Post]

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Now that Britney's sister Jamie Lynn Spears has just "had the damn Caesarian already," you might think the 17-year-old would be free to raise her new baby in relative peace. Sadly, the newest issue of InTouch arrives bearing the gift of postpartum depression; the magazine has alleged that babydaddy Casey Aldridge has been cheating on Jamie Lynn with an older woman, 28-year-old Kelli Dawson. They even have proof: incriminating pictures of the two touching tongues as though they were eight-year-olds who wanted to try out the exotic concept known as "french kissing." Says the mag:

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After a brief, fruitful detour into Crazytown, pop starlet Britney Spears appeared to be on the mend: first there was the How I Met Your Mother cameo, then a sanity-spurred decline in baiting the paparazzi, then even a self-mocking MTV promo taped with Russell Brand! Things seemed to be going so well that we hardly batted an eye when OK! announced that Spears would be granting them her first interview in two years (after memorably storming out of her last encounter with the magazine).

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Feast your eyes now upon those buzzy promo spots for the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards—featuring host Russell "Big in England" Brand, 2007 VMAs catastrophe Britney Spears, and a giant elephant in the room (not white, but you get it). 10 first impressions:

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Though they've already missed the perfect Mother's Day window, publisher Thomas Nelson, Inc. has just released new information on a parenting guide/cautionary tale penned by Britney and Jamie Lynn materfamilias Lynne Spears and set for release next month. Dubbed Through the Storm, the book will no doubt prove instructive to any stage mother willing to milk her daughters for all they're worth, subsequently ignoring them when their pregnancies/mental breakdowns interfere with a novelty T-shirt sale at Kitson (free out-of-season Uggs with any purchase!). Says Star Magazine:

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