brangelina
People
Brangelina! Brangelina! Brangelina!
9:30PM Amrita Rajan | Simon Cowell can’t escape the coiff, Bai Ling has a hungry pussy, Mel Gibson throws sticks and stones, and the Brangelina+Gosselin vortex will sink us all. More »
Flotsam & Jetsam
Brangelina Will Have To Pry My Gray’s Papaya From My Dead Hands
1:00AM Foster Kamer | Brad and Angelina want to move to the Upper West Side; I’d prefer they didn’t. Shirley Jones wants to get naked; same. Piven’s a perv, Shatner’s sad, Paul McCartney sucks, Stevie Wonder does blow! Here’s your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup: More »
Amateur Pundits Roseanne Barr and Jon Voight Raise the Family-Smearing Stakes
9:00AM STV | Like most other all-night diners in the vicinity, Defamer’s Washington Bureau is positively churning with activity a mere 11 weeks from Election Day. Alas, with so many other outlets having beat us to the punch regarding, say, Barack Obama’s fund-raising prowess, we’re left to cover an arguably more urgent and immediate controversy affecting liberal firebrand Roseanne Barr and her outspoken conservative archrival Jon Voight. And while it seemed like fun from a distance when the comedienne first lobbed mud last Friday, a closer look today has us dodging sallies in every direction. More »
The Night Is Darkest Before The Dawn
11:15AM Mark Graham | If it weren’t for Dark Knight news, there wouldn’t have been much news at all. After dispatching the Joker, Batman took on his toughest foe to date, the deranged Momzo The Clown (specialty: extortion). Batman denies all of the charges, which is just fine with new Oscar frontrunner Aaron Eckhart. · NBC announced that Jay Leno will be abdicating his Tonight Show throne on May 29, 2009 while a disguised Jay Leno sat in the audience cracking wise. Meanwhile, Jimmy Fallon will be spinning his wheels online for a few months before they let him loose on air. · Miley “Slut!” Cyrus took to the YouTubes to wage war on her new rival, Selena Gomez. · If you come within 1,000 yards of Brangelina’s test tube babies, Brad Pitt will beat you to a pulp. · We finally learned what Judd Apatow’s favourite season of The Wire was. · Surfer dude Matthew McConaughey cashed a $3 million check from OK! for baby pictures of young prince Levi. · Maybe it’s just us, but Lyons & Mankiewicz doesn’t quite have the same ring as Ebert & Roeper (let alone Siskel & Ebert). · Cuts at Vantage and Netflix made it another tough week for indie film. · Fer sure, fer sure, we counted down our favourite Valley Girls. · Don’t bother with MapQuest, NPH can tell you how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. · And finally, the passing of Estelle Getty affected everyone, from teary YouTube eulogists to our own Molly McAleer. The saddest part? None of the Golden Girls made it to the funeral. Nevertheless, the memory of Sophia Petrillo will always live on.
Brad Pitt To Bleeding Paparazzo: ‘If You Want War, You Will Get It’
8:05AM Molly Friedman | In the latest Pap Said / Celeb Said scandal, the mystical forests of Brangelina’s French estate turned into a bloody battleground where one ruthless pap and the Jolie-Pitts’ head of security attacked each other with walkie-talkies and teeth. As the NY Daily News reports, freelance photographer Luc Goursolas was so determined to slip into the compound unnoticed that he spent five hours on foot, decked himself out in camouflaged clothing, only to come face-to-unhappy-face with the soccer team’s unamused top guard. As Goursolas claims: More »
Chosen Two Outed As Test Tube Babies
10:15AM Molly Friedman | Excellent news to report for anyone who still thinks Angelina Jolie is perfection incarnate, in spite of that silly husband-stealing fiasco, heroin tape, Billy Bob phase, Life Or Something Like It and…well, there are probably a few of you left! According to Us, the conception of the Chosen Two was quite literally chosen to arrive at a specific point in Brangelina’s magical life. A source tells the weekly that the “impatient” soccer team managers didn’t rely on Brad’s super-sperm or Jolie’s scream-filled bedroom style to spontaneously produce Knox and Viv. Rather, the no-longer-immortal duo paid a hefty sum for in vitro treatments to speed up their plan to “have 10 kids…while [they're] young.” But their goal may not work out quite as planned. Reports that Angelina is being forced into joining the trendy rapid weight loss/gain club for her next role may cause a serious delay in recruiting new Jolie-Pitts for quite some time. More »
Is Katie Holmes’ Severe New Bob A Stealthy Way To Extricate Herself From Her Marriage To Tom Cruise?
6:00AM Molly Friedman | In light of some breaking hair-related news involving future fugitive Katie Holmes, we must admit that we’ve underestimated the Scientology prisoner. As the Daily Mail reported over the weekend, Broadway’s least-alluring celebrity rookie recently chopped off even more of her already chin-grazing bob, and even dared to pull out those hair curlers in what could be the beginning move in a new strategy to finally flee the Knights of Hubbard. Though Kate’s “boyish” cut may backfire, it’s a clever plan nonetheless. Below, we provide five of the best examples of drastic ‘do-caused catastrophes directly linked to highly publicized breakups, from Jennifer Aniston’s self-conscious bob that led to Brangelina, to Cameron Diaz’s unfortunate goth dye job that failed to inspire any future sex or love sounds from Justin Timberlake: More »
The Chosen Two Cometh! World Gets on With Life Without Pregnant Brangelina
2:25AM Defamer Hollywood | Congratulations this morning to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the latter of whose womb has reportedly yielded its blobby, twinsy bounty at last. We think. It’s official, isn’t it? The Chosen Two are here? After InTouch called it Saturday afternoon, Extra overrode it an hour later and the rest of the world simply hedged somewhere in between until Jolie’s exhausted doctor fled the delivery room craving a stiff drink, we can finally, confidently move on to the postgame show. Select reactions, including an overjoyed grandfather, and a French bureaucrat with paperwork, after the jump: More »
Just Rolling Out The Chosen Two’s Rouge Carpet Will Cost Brangelina $20 Million Dollars
6:00AM Molly Friedman | In case you hadn’t heard, Europe is expensive. Coffee costs five bucks, the dollar is like a penny, and it takes a lot of money to look as cheap as Victoria Beckham. And apparently, having a kid over there will set you back about $10 million. That is, if you’re Angelina Jolie and you’re giving birth to the world’s most important children, The Chosen Two. According to Life & Style, Brad and Angie are set to push out their newest soccer team members in France, where they’ll spend up to $20 million dollars on “birthing costs,” including every new mom’s standard requirements like helicopters, villas on the Riviera, and a fleet of nine cars. The full breakdown on just how expensive it is to have a kid when you’re Brangelina, after the jump. More »
