boring celebrity feuds
Pointless Televisual Celebrity Feuds: The Brits Do It Better
10:09AM Clem Bastow | One television trend that hasn’t really made its way to Australia yet (unless you count The Bush Tucker Man) is the whole extreme survival movement. The Brits eat it right up, what with their endless supply of Super Army Soldiers and landscape full of bogs, rivers, snow and wild beasts ready to be turned into edge-of-your-seat Sunday evening viewing.
Well, both BBC and Channel Four have their own takes on the theme, and now the Beeb’s survival bloke, Ray Mears, has called Channel Four’s – the excellently named former SAS action man Bear Grylls; that’s him eating the fish with what appears to be extra t-sauce – nothing more than a pretender.
This was my favourite bit of the slanging match:
Last summer, 33- year- old Grylls was criticised over revelations that his existence during filming his series Born Survivor had been more comfortable than the programme suggested.
More » 
The Young Divas Wish Ricki-Lee A Long And Prosperous Walk Off A Short Pier
11:06AM Clem Bastow | Those charming young ladies in what our UK Correspondent Will has termed “the bin of the Australian music industry”, Young Divas, have been curiously quiet on the topic of Ricki-Lee Coulter’s defection in order to focus on her solo efforts (she was replaced by Jessica “Do What You Do, Say What You Say” Mauboy).
Quiet, that is, until Kate DeAraugo opened her Farnham-esque trap recently and let rip.
We’d call it a touchdown but we’d be happy to never hear or see Mark Holden roll out that tired cliche ever again.
Sniping about Coulter’s decision to leave, on the eve of her wedding, catty Kate said “Ricki-Lee had other things on her mind and she became half-hearted.
“The rest of us put our hearts and souls in the Divas and for whatever reason, she wasn’t prepared to do that, so it’s better that she’s moved on to what’s next in her life and career. That said, we’re still in touch.”
Yes, because if there’s one thing that the vocal-acrobatics-on-autopilot of Turn Me Lose and Gloria suggest, it’s a whole shitload of heart and soul.
Somewhere out there in the music industry, Ricki-Lee is laughing into her Happy Meal. More » 
Bring Me The Head Of Sienna Miller: A New Film By Kate Moss
12:59PM Clem Bastow | By now we’ve established that Kate Moss is not much of a fan of Sienna Miller.
It was bad enough when Miller was Ms Jude Law and hovering on the outskirts of Moss’ Primrose Hill set, then she became “the new Kate Moss” in the eyes of the fashion editors, and now she’s dating Moss’ old pal Rhys Ifans.
This, clearly, is enough to send any multi-millionaire supermodel tumbling over the edge in an apoplexy of Cosmopolitan Fashion Insider envy, as Sienna found out at a recent bash.
The catwalk beauty had a dramatic showdown with rival Sienna over the actress’s relationship with the Welsh actor at soap star Davinia Taylor’s 30th birthday party at The Colour Rooms, in east London, on Saturday.
Kate, 33, was overheard saying: “If you hurt Rhys, you’ll have made an enemy for life. Treat him right and we’ll leave you alone. But don’t hurt him because we love him – and we always stick together.”
This is a bit like that ad for dog food. Kate Moss is only little, but we think it’s reasonable to assume that you wouldn’t want to cross her.
Not only does she have an arsenal of sharp-heeled boots, she could always just get Pete Doherty to breathe on you – and no one wants to see that shit. More » 
Saint Geldof Still A Sinner In The Eyes Of The Hutchence Clan
11:57AM Clem Bastow | The sad story of little Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily continues, with another Hutchence family member sounding off about their niece/granddaughter/distant relative’s life with Bob Geldof.
Hutchence’s sister Tina, speaking to New Idea on the eve of the ten-year anniversary of Michael’s death, reckons Geldof is keen to legally adopt Tiger Lily and change her name to Geldof.
The Hutchence family has received a letter from Geldof’s lawyers informing them of his intention to change Tiger Lily’s name, Tina Hutchence said.
“In seven years, he’s given my mother just four days of supervised visits,” she said. “None of the rest of us have seen Tiger, only my mother, and that was with the nanny.
“And the interesting thing is Bob Geldof is patron of a charity called Grandparents Apart – a charity for grandparents who don’t get to see their grandchildren.”
You know, if the Hutchences hadn’t shown themselves to be money-grubbing whingers throughout the past ten years (that eBay auction springs to mind) then we might be inclined to side with them.
However, since Sir Bob seems to be doing a reasonably good job of caring for Tiger, we can’t help but see this as just another publicity grab – one thing that, like him or not (his endlessly snowballing charity gigs notwithstanding), Sir Bob does well to avoid.
If Tiger was “returned” to the Hutchences we get the feeling she’d be featuring in an RSL-touring jazz ballet spectacular faster than you could say “Bindi Irwin”. More » 
The Battle Of The Spokesmodels Doesn’t Really Continue
9:58AM Clem Bastow | First Megan Gale opened a can of whupass on A Current Affair after they suggested she was in some sort of supermodel fight to the death with Jennifer Hawkins (Gale reps David Jones, Hawkins their competitor, Myer), now J-Hawk is having her say.
And, not surprisingly from a “story” whipped up by ACA, she’s putting paid to the rumours, too.
Who woulda thunk it, really?
Hawkins hasn’t seen Gale’s ACA interview, but she has read what Gale said about it afterwards and isn’t concerned.
“I think Megan is a great girl,” she says.
“I have met her a few times now. I wouldn’t say that we are buddy-buddy friends but I like her and respect her career.
“The rivalry is more between David Jones and Myer than us.”
So, in other words, this whole thing has been a completely tiresome tale of NOTHING at all.
As much as we think Jennifer Hawkins is very pretty and probably very nice, really, this “feud” has been appropriately bland, when you consider her personality or lack thereof. We’d like to see her hire a heavy to break Gale’s knees or something, but really, she’s probably busy saying things like “I have a puppy! The sunshine is nice!” and smiling while she helps grandmothers cross the street. More » 
Kerry Katona Sez Posh Spice Is Desperate; Pot, Meet Kettle
9:56AM Clem Bastow | Kerry “Chipshop” Katona took a break from her unending personal struggles to pen some fightin’ words in her OK! column in the UK, hitting out at Posh Spice – who is apparently “sad and desperate”, if Chipshop is to be believed, after she attended the Diana inquest.
Because, you know, cashing in on your C-list celebrity break-up, weight loss, drug hell, pregnancy issues and so forth is, like, totally, er happy and un-desperate.
“I can’t believe she walked – with her entourage – straight in front of the world’s paparazzi waiting outside the hotel to see jurors retrace Diana’s final footsteps!
“She was even dressed like Diana was ten years ago in a black dress, cropped blonde hair and sunglasses.
“I think she’s desperate to be Diana – but she’ll never be the People’s Princess!”
We’d come up with something witty to say in conclusion, but Bizarre’s Saint Victoria has already beaten us to it: “Harsh words from Kerry – but then I don’t suppose she is in any danger of running into Posh at an A-list event any time soon.”
Zing! More » 
Betty Boo No Longer Doin’ The Do, Now Dishing The Dirt
1:11PM Clem Bastow | While it pains us to use the phrase “Remember Betty Boo?”, most would be unaware that life didn’t end after she dropped that pesky microphone. Boo, otherwise known as Alison Clarkson, has enjoyed some continuing success as a songwriter and with her own material.
When it comes to the former, however, it doesn’t look like she’s in a hurry to work with Girls Aloud’s Cheryl Cole any time soon, telling the Mirror that the experience, which was rather unsavoury, was over before it had even begun.
“I was asked if I would be involved in some of her solo stuff,” she explained. “So of course when that was put to her, she hadn’t heard anything about it and accused me of lying and said I needed the publicity or something like that.
“I thought it was hilarious and a bit upsetting actually ‘cos it wasn’t like that at all. So I spat back – that’s the way I am.”
It’s true, Boo does have new material out at the moment, but really, them’s fightin’ words from Ms Cole, who is no stranger to the publicity machine herself! More » 
Sienna Miller Wants To Wear Kate Moss’ Beautiful Skin… Beautiful…
10:05AM Clem Bastow | Kate Moss has been moaning for some time that Sienna Miller is stealing Ms Moss’ thunder as an It girl and fashion trendsetter, and raiding her extended friendship group for new pals.
Well, she’s sure to be delighted to hear that not only has Sienna poached Primrose Hill setter Rhys Ifans to be her special man friend, now the pair have gotten matching tattoos – only the tatt design is also something Kate Moss might feel Sienna is nicking from her.
Following Miller’s drunken row with Kate Moss recently, when she confronted Sienna at a pal’s wedding and said she is sick of Sienna ’stealing’ her style, Rhys has clearly taken a big step to show her exactly where his loyalties lie.
But maybe the tattoo will serve to convince Kate that she isn’t being paranoid – but is in fact right.
Miss Moss already has a swallow tattoo, and has used them in her TopShop range.
You know, if we were a canny cable TV producer (we picture ourselves as falling somewhere between Joe Francis and Aaron Spelling), we’d be signing these two up for a straight-to-TV remake of Single White Female, set in Notting Hill with an awesome soundtrack featuring Babyshambles and The Kills. More » 
Georgie Parker And Nicole Kidman In Theatre Vs. Film Smackdown!
9:39AM Clem Bastow | Okay, so that headline might have made this story look a little more exciting than it actually is, but humour us: Nicole Kidman has signed on to play the lead in the cinematic adaptation of Rabbit Hole (David Lindsay-Abaire’s play about parents’ grief at the death of their child, which recently won the Pulitzer for Drama), but Our Georgie Parker reckons the text should stay live on stage.
Parker who plays Becca, the mother of the dead child, in the Ensemble Theatre production said the beauty of the play was the intimate grief of the characters shared with the audience.
She said although the screenplay starring Nicole Kidman would be overseen by the playwright, the script was one for the stage.
“Part of the beauty of this play is that the audience is here going through everything with you, as soon as you adapt it to a screen you’ve got a distance from that,” Parker said.
In other words, Georgie is saying “As soon as you put Nicole Kidman in it and not me, it’s going to suck massive dog’s balls and you’ll be sorry you made that particular casting decision when your children wake up next to a severed horse’s head on Sunday morning”.
Or words to that effect. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: The Celebrity News Service That Will Never Say Die
10:17AM Clem Bastow | Winegums Watch continues to slip in and out of consciousness, but fortunately we can always rely on the press to winkle a few slaggy-offy quotes out of Winegums’ peers; step up to today’s plate, K.T. “Unlikely To Have Another Hit After Suddenly I See” Tunstall!
“I’m sure lots of people would love to see me on coke coming out of a club. But there’s way too much at stake to muck it up just because I would get better known for being an idiot than for being a musician.”
Here’s where we make a hilarious gag about Tunstall’s illustrious career as a musician encompassing airings of Suddenly I See on Ghost Whisperer and in the “moving video farewell montage” segment of the second series of So You Think You Can Dance. More » 
