bonings
Richie Benaud’s Job Is Safe, We Repeat, Richie Benaud’s Job Is Safe…
3:43PM Jess McGuire | Happy news via the MediaWeek newsletter today – Richie Benaud’s not in any danger of being ousted from the Channel Nine cricket commentary team even though Adam Gilchrist and Shane Warne will be joining the gang. So if you can’t imagine summer without hearing Richie’s dulcet tones saying “Chew for chwenny chew…”, relax – he’s not going anywhere.
Or, has CEO David Gyngell so traumatically put it:
“You’d be struck by lightning if you ever tried to bone Richie Benaud.”
The visual picture which just appeared in my mind will haunt me for weeks. More » 
Briefly In Axings Nobody Noticed
9:45AM Clem Bastow | As was noted in the arse end of Ros Reines’ Next Top Model-related piece, Channel Seven’s big Jennifer Hawkins (and Tyrese) hosted “After The Olympics”™ hope, Make Me A Supermodel was quietly axed last week – and now, Channel Ten’s oddly-timed dating show (”Why, Scooter, you’re a genius! Of course people will switch across from the Channel Nine news to watch derros trying to date each other!”) Taken Out has been, well, taken off:
The Channel 10 dating show was launched at the start of the month but never really took off. Speculation it was soon to get the chop mounted after it was bumped from the 7pm timeslot to 6pm.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is that. Back to the party cab, Kerley? More » 
Jodhi Says Jodbye To ‘Australia’s Next Top Model’ Gig
9:45AM Clem Bastow | After months of not-very-convincing hand-wringing and assuring everyone that yes, she will come back to Australia’s Next Top Model – not to mention a brief foray into soft furnishings – Jodhi Meares has surprised absolutely no one by announcing her decision to quit her AusNTM hosting gig.
Foxtel boss Brian Walsh continued his praise for Meares’ “invaluable contribution” to the show.
More » Not Even The Bogo Pogo Can Save Paul Mercurio From ‘Dancing’ Boot
9:41AM Clem Bastow | After Confidential speculated yesterday that Todd McKenney could be being shown the door at Dancing With The Stars HQ, it turns out it’s not the acid-tongued tall poppy who is on the way out, but instead fellow judge Paul “New Steps” Mercurio who will be let go from the panel. Now who will we turn to on network television to remind us how much we all enjoy reciting lines from Strictly Ballroom? To quote that very film, that was unexpected!
Mercurio was told yesterday he was no longer required on the judging panel of Channel 7’s hit show Dancing with the Stars.
More » Mike Munro Quits Channel Nine: “I’m Not Leaving Because Things Have Turned To Shit… But The Last Five Years Have Been Pretty Shit.”
10:06AM Jess McGuire | Oh noes! One of Channel Nine’s biggest names, news and current affairs guru Mike Munro, has boned himself! The handsome devil, who has appeared on 60 Minutes, A Current Affair, This Is Your Life, and Missing Persons Unit amongst other programs, informed CEO David Gyngell of his intentions yesterday afternoon.
Munro exclusively told The Daily Telegraph that he was taking early retirement after seeing out five tumultuous years at the former number one network.
“I’m feeling pretty good right now,” said the now weekend newsreader and host of This Is Your Life and Missing Persons Unit.
“I leave the place on a day to day level, but that’s tempered by the fact I love Channel 9 as much as David Gyngell does. It has been been a really hard slog for the past five years, but the network is now in a fantastic position and morale is up.”
Morale is up, post-Sunday/Nightline axing and talk of adopting the beleaguered Big Brother program? For shame, Mike. Don’t be telling us fibs. More » Tracey Spicer Reviews ‘Boned’
9:19AM Clem Bastow | We told you some time ago about the anonymous “novel” that had Channel Nine quaking in its collective Windsor Smiths, Boned; well, it’s finally on the shelves, and given its uncanny similarities to the career paths (and ends) of many female newsreaders, our friends at the Daily Telegraph have had the foresight to get a female newsreader to review it.
Enter stage left, Tracey Spicer! Cue not-so-hilarious gags from the Tele subs to the tune of “Tracey Spicer gets boned”!
Fortunately, Tracey’s review of the book is actually quite hilarious and biting:
What 40-something television presenter devours coffee, cigarettes and Red Bull for breakfast? More like an egg white omelette, herbal-tea- for-my-complexion then Botox for brunch.
Somehow she manages to have a “generous curve of the hips” AND a “pilates-honed butt”, the result, no doubt, of some bizarre genetic engineering involving Jennifer Lopez and Madonna.
Apparently, women viewers find Kate “intimidating” because she is single and childless. So I guess there’s no hope for Sandra Sully, Tracy Grimshaw and Liz Hayes, all single, childless and hugely popular.
And what self-respecting, hard-hitting current affairs presenter reads the horoscope? “Oh, I think we should do a story this week on Hezbollah launching an offensive on Israel because Jupiter is in Sagittarius.”
Tracey! Who knew she entertained Dorothy Parker-esque critical aspirations? Then again, I guess there’s only so much snark that can be fit into her magazine, Out And About With Kids.
As for Boned, I’ll either a) read it half-heartedly next time I’m killing an hour at the airport, or b) wait (probably not for a very long time) until it hits the $4.99 book sales. More » 
Gossip Magazine Editors, Out They Go!
10:15AM Clem Bastow | It’s a turbulent time in Australian magazine publishing currently, between New Woman folding and New Idea’s continued idiocy, now Famous‘ founding editor Shane Sutton has been shown the door.
He’s been replaced in the role by a former NW staffer, which is perhaps not surprising given that the two mags are more or less identical and when reading one, you wonder why the other still exists.
After a slide in last week’s sales survey, Sutton has moved to “new projects” with NW’s former deputy editor taking over.
Speculation was rife that management could be considering merging Famous with its stablemate, Who.
Moving on to “new projects”! That’s the publishing equivalent of “creative differences” or “the pair remain firm friends”!
As for merging Famous with Who, why bother? The latter ceased to be relevant some time ago, while the former never was, so combining the two would just create a massive publishing black hole of irrelevancy – and I think New Idea would have something to say about such encroachment on their market share in that department. More » 
More Sackings In Gossip Mag Headquarters As We Insert Another ‘No Idea’ Gag Here
10:13AM Clem Bastow | In the scheme of things, New Idea’s year so far has been about as good as Channel Nine’s; in between breaking embargos and paying Wayne Carey to talk about getting wasted and punching his girlfriend, suffice to say it’s been a red letter start to the year for the mag.
Well, as though they didn’t already share plenty of characteristics with Nine, New Idea is now apparently going on a boning frenzy, with staffers dropping left, right and centre. Health reporter Jane Worthington was apparently sacked via a phone call this week and is the latest to go.
Her firing follows the dismissal of New Idea veterans Patrice Fidgeon and Sue Smethurst last week.
Confidential sources yesterday alleged the sackings were part of a secret hit list poised to target current staffers Phil Koch, Lee-Anne Carter and Donna Ogier for the chop next.
Publisher Suzanne Monks denied the existence of such a list, confirming the trio’s on-going employment.
“All (are) valued members of the New Idea team and are part of New Idea’s plans going forward,” she said yesterday.
In other staff changes, the magazine’s beauty writer Chelsea Clark has been promoted to associate editor.
Naturally I assume Clark actually knows how to be an associate editor and that isn’t just a classic case of women’s magazine “editor’s BFF” musical chairs.
It’s worth noting, too, that Smethurst is considering legal action as her sacking occurred two weeks before the end of her maternity leave, as is Worthington, both fighting the bonings on unfair dismissal grounds.
Awesome, top work New Idea! Walkleys all ’round! More » 
‘The Lovely Bones’ To Stay Buried Until Fall 2009
9:30AM Seth | Yet further ominous news for Peter Jackson’s adaptation of The Lovely Bones: Yesterday, we reported internet mumblings that production had halted so that the director and his production designer could seal themselves inside a Wingnut Films conference room until one emerged, bruised and bloodied, but wielding the winning illustrations for the film’s version Heaven. More »
Two-Thousand-And-Great Gets Even Greater For Channel Nine
9:16AM Clem Bastow | At this point in time there’s almost no point reminding you what a shit year Channel Nine has had so far – between the bonings, cancellings, court orders, legal disputes, anonymous scandal rags and Eddie McGuire, it’s as close to an annus horribilis as one gets without involving the royals.
Well, things just keep getting better – not one but two of their new flagship shows are being booted out of their time-slots, no doubt in order to give them a dignified death out of the glare of prime time.
My Kid’s A Star has been all but dumped, with the remaining episodes to be shown at midday on Saturday, instead of at 8pm on Wednesdays.
Meanwhile new drama Canal Road has been shifted back an hour from 9.30pm on Wednesday to make way for Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen.
Canal Road premiered on April 16, drawing 1.09 million viewers, but that fell last week to 811,000.
My Kid’s A Star, featuring young performers and their stage parents, has failed to rate since premiering with just 878,000 viewers earlier this month.
The network on Monday said remaining episodes had been shifted, with the final to air on Saturday May 17.
“The last three episodes will screen Saturdays at midday from this week,” a Nine spokeswoman told AAP.
So, for those of you who are keeping score, that’s two ‘local content’ comedies and dramas, and one big-ticket reality/talent show down the gurgler, and we’re not even halfway through the year.
At this rate, all Nine has left in the Aus-made basket is more “observational reality” programming (i.e. where they gaffa tape pens into the hands of critically ill in-patients so they can sign their release forms before having a leg removed, etc), Fire 000 and Search And Rescue. More » 