The following email, which was sent to me by Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer, arrived in my inbox sometime during the middle of last night. That is all the context you need at this point:

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There were plenty of noteworthy moments from last night's American Idol Tribute to the Many Songs and Slutty Looks of Mariah Carey, from David Cook's soundtrack-ready, grungemo rendition of "Always Be My Baby," to a stirring performance of ''When You Believe" by a leather bepanted David Archuleta (who could have just as easily located the spiritually redeeming undercurrent to the "shoe do do do do do do do/shoe do do do do do do yeahs" of "Fantasy"). But the most thrilling development, for us at least, came not from the stage, but rather the judge's table, shortly before Randy Jackson was called upon to apply his highly attuned pitchydar to Carly Smithson's take on "Without You."

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We're beginning to think it might be worthwhile getting the tech dudes to create some sort of "trouble at mill" generator for Channel Nine stories, since they're coming thick and fast these days.

The latest woe-betide-those-at-the-happy-network tale concerns an "anonymous" novel, Boned (comedy platinum!), the thinly-veiled contents of which could potentially blow the place to smithereens.

You know, with the power of readin' 'n' shit.

Nine publicists refused to comment on the text when contacted today, but insiders say executives have been nervous about its pending publication for some time.

It is due for release in June - and this is how it is being plugged by publishers Michael Joseph:

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A lawyer for Andrew Koenig, aka Growing Pain's Richard Milhous "Boner" Stabone, pleaded in Pasadena court today on behalf of their client, who was detained by police for ten hours on New Year's Day for jumping in front of a China-themed Rose Parade float holding a sign that said "China: Free Burma." Interesting Boner fun facts: While his fictional father was Sylvester Stabone, Andrew's real father is Walter Koenig, aka Star Trek's Lt. Pavel Chekov! [Pasadena Weekly]

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