After months of not-very-convincing hand-wringing and assuring everyone that yes, she will come back to Australia's Next Top Model - not to mention a brief foray into soft furnishings - Jodhi Meares has surprised absolutely no one by announcing her decision to quit her AusNTM hosting gig.

Foxtel boss Brian Walsh continued his praise for Meares' "invaluable contribution" to the show.

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After Confidential speculated yesterday that Todd McKenney could be being shown the door at Dancing With The Stars HQ, it turns out it's not the acid-tongued tall poppy who is on the way out, but instead fellow judge Paul "New Steps" Mercurio who will be let go from the panel. Now who will we turn to on network television to remind us how much we all enjoy reciting lines from Strictly Ballroom? To quote that very film, that was unexpected!

Mercurio was told yesterday he was no longer required on the judging panel of Channel 7's hit show Dancing with the Stars.

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Oh noes! One of Channel Nine's biggest names, news and current affairs guru Mike Munro, has boned himself! The handsome devil, who has appeared on 60 Minutes, A Current Affair, This Is Your Life, and Missing Persons Unit amongst other programs, informed CEO David Gyngell of his intentions yesterday afternoon.

Munro exclusively told The Daily Telegraph that he was taking early retirement after seeing out five tumultuous years at the former number one network.

"I'm feeling pretty good right now," said the now weekend newsreader and host of This Is Your Life and Missing Persons Unit.

"I leave the place on a day to day level, but that's tempered by the fact I love Channel 9 as much as David Gyngell does. It has been been a really hard slog for the past five years, but the network is now in a fantastic position and morale is up."

Morale is up, post-Sunday/Nightline axing and talk of adopting the beleaguered Big Brother program? For shame, Mike. Don't be telling us fibs.

Things just keep getting better and better over at old man Channel Nine's house - after boning, axing and canning their way through the first half of the year, the trend looks like it's going nowhere - Million Dollar Wheel Of Fortune (that's it's full name, a bit like Liliane Rudabet Gloria Elsveta Sobieski, or Reginald Kenneth Dwight) has been cancelled.

You'll probably recall that, like most of the things Nine has boned so far in 2008, it was supposed to be a ratings winner. Not so, apparently!

"We are disappointed that Million Dollar Wheel of Fortune has not done as well as we had hoped," a Nine spokeswoman said.

"We are delighted, however, that the show has brought two great talents to the network, Tim Campbell and Kelly Landry, who are both staying at Nine."

All is good with the world.

Hurrah, more great news for Channel Nine!

Remember when they were all "Eddie McGuire's game show will save our sorry souls, and the ratings to boot"? They're celebrating on the other sides of their tear-stained faces now: 1 v 100 (and can I just say what a fantastic name that is; so memorable, so visceral) has been given the arse - after just two weeks back on air.

All together now, Nine staffers: "Ceeeelebrate good times, come on!"

Nine had hoped to use 1 v 100, which has been in hiatus since last year, to spearhead its bid to erode Channel 7's Friday night dominance.

But the show was belted by Better Homes and Gardens, Seven's highest rating program of the week with 408,000 viewers.

"It was only there to fill a hole," McGuire said.

"We didn't do any publicity for it. It went as well as you could expect."

So what's left in Channel Nine's ratings war chest now? Not counting 1 v 100, that's roughly three big launches that have gone down the toilet so far this year. Do they have any big launches left for the year? Anyone? Anyone...?

Despite the most intense network cross-promotion this side of that episode of Ally McBeal when The Practice dudes turned up in the unisex toilets, it seems Andrew O'Keefe's latest star vehicle for Channel Seven, The Rich List, has failed to attract enough viewers to keep the Seven bosses happy.

Despite holding his own with Deal Or No Deal weeknights at 5.30pm, O'Keefe will disappear from view on Saturday nights after the show was thumped in its 7.30pm time slot - then dumped yesterday.

Still, he's a sensitive man, and no doubt disappointed to see that his energetic efforts in publicising The Rich List didn't pay off, so I've taken the liberty of creating an artist's impression of what his reaction might have been when they told him the news:

I think you'll find that's quite true to life.

We told you some time ago about the anonymous "novel" that had Channel Nine quaking in its collective Windsor Smiths, Boned; well, it's finally on the shelves, and given its uncanny similarities to the career paths (and ends) of many female newsreaders, our friends at the Daily Telegraph have had the foresight to get a female newsreader to review it.

Enter stage left, Tracey Spicer! Cue not-so-hilarious gags from the Tele subs to the tune of "Tracey Spicer gets boned"!

Fortunately, Tracey's review of the book is actually quite hilarious and biting:

What 40-something television presenter devours coffee, cigarettes and Red Bull for breakfast? More like an egg white omelette, herbal-tea- for-my-complexion then Botox for brunch.

Somehow she manages to have a "generous curve of the hips" AND a "pilates-honed butt", the result, no doubt, of some bizarre genetic engineering involving Jennifer Lopez and Madonna.

Apparently, women viewers find Kate "intimidating" because she is single and childless. So I guess there's no hope for Sandra Sully, Tracy Grimshaw and Liz Hayes, all single, childless and hugely popular.

And what self-respecting, hard-hitting current affairs presenter reads the horoscope? "Oh, I think we should do a story this week on Hezbollah launching an offensive on Israel because Jupiter is in Sagittarius."

As for Boned, I'll either a) read it half-heartedly next time I'm killing an hour at the airport, or b) wait (probably not for a very long time) until it hits the $4.99 book sales.

Yet further ominous news for Peter Jackson's adaptation of The Lovely Bones: Yesterday, we reported internet mumblings that production had halted so that the director and his production designer could seal themselves inside a Wingnut Films conference room until one emerged, bruised and bloodied, but wielding the winning illustrations for the film's version Heaven.

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At this point in time there's almost no point reminding you what a shit year Channel Nine has had so far - between the bonings, cancellings, court orders, legal disputes, anonymous scandal rags and Eddie McGuire, it's as close to an annus horribilis as one gets without involving the royals.

Well, things just keep getting better - not one but two of their new flagship shows are being booted out of their time-slots, no doubt in order to give them a dignified death out of the glare of prime time.

My Kid's A Star has been all but dumped, with the remaining episodes to be shown at midday on Saturday, instead of at 8pm on Wednesdays.

Meanwhile new drama Canal Road has been shifted back an hour from 9.30pm on Wednesday to make way for Gordon Ramsay's Hell's Kitchen.

Canal Road premiered on April 16, drawing 1.09 million viewers, but that fell last week to 811,000.

My Kid's A Star, featuring young performers and their stage parents, has failed to rate since premiering with just 878,000 viewers earlier this month.

The network on Monday said remaining episodes had been shifted, with the final to air on Saturday May 17.

"The last three episodes will screen Saturdays at midday from this week," a Nine spokeswoman told AAP.

At this rate, all Nine has left in the Aus-made basket is more "observational reality" programming (i.e. where they gaffa tape pens into the hands of critically ill in-patients so they can sign their release forms before having a leg removed, etc), Fire 000 and Search And Rescue.

An update for those of you who have been breathlessly following (as we have) the Christine Spiteri vs Channel Nine boning extravaganza: the network isn't going to lie down on its back and let Spiteri bone them!

Turns out, in fact, they plan to bone her right back, so hard her case gets thrown out of court - take that, pretty newsreader!

The long-time TV reporter was on maternity leave when she was notified of her axing by her employer.

But Nine plans to fight to have the case, in which she will allege she was sexually and racially discriminated against by the network, dismissed at a Federal Court hearing on May 23.

A Nine spokesperson said Spiteri's claims were "misconceived, so we are taking steps to challenge [them]".

We're inclined to say "no way in hell", but await the next exciting installment in boning central.