Remember Zach from Big Brother 07, the darling bird-like gay who left the house in runner-up to pursue his dreams of corseting Australia's sheilas?

Well, you may or may not have known that he also snared himself a job on Channel 7's HD late show The Night Cap, but if that is news to you, too bad, because it seems the powers that be at 7 weren't too keen on having Zach merrily describe blow-jobs and fisting to the viewers playing along at home!

While the former Big Brother runner-up had been criticised for his "frozen" debut performances on the experimental show, which launched on February 12, Douglas turned up the heat too far when answering a viewer's email.

The seemingly harmless question about kissing veered into dangerous territory when Douglas began describing same-sex practises and fellatio.

His explicit comments left the show's more experienced performers - host Matthew White, newsreader Jessica Rowe and roving reporter Monique Wright - scrambling to patch up the wreckage of the segment.

A spokeswoman for Channel 7 told Confidential yesterday there was "no correlation between the incident" and a decision to replace Douglas on the panel.

"Zach found flying between Melbourne and Sydney twice a week took its toll on him and his (corset) business, so he'll now be our entertainment and gossip reporter," the publicist said.

So that pretty much means the turnaround between BB fame and total nothingness has now reached its swiftest rate, yes? Especially since the last we saw of BB07 winner Aleisha was appearing in a Global Rags late-night ad for their Boxing Day crazy sale.

Let that be a lesson to all who unwisely chose to send in their videotapes this year despite the lack of Gretel and the presence of Satan and his minions.

This is nice to know, isn't it?

They were besties in the Big Brother house, now Aleisha Cowcher and Emma Cornell are living together once again. Proving friendship can survive outside the Gold Coast compound, Cowcher, from Cobram in rural Victoria, has shacked up with the fitness instructor in an Eastern Suburbs apartment.

Even though we thought Emma was diabolical when she appeared on last year's season of Big Brother (remember last year? We barely do...), we were assured by a Big Brother employee that she was nowhere near as heinous as we believed her to be, and Jamie was a thousand times worse than any of us could have imagined. We've never met the sob-happy D&D fan though, so we'll reserve judgement for now.

More regarding Aleisha, please!

Now her BB appearances are finally over, the bubbly blonde hairdresser is looking for a job as well as battling traffic out to Castle Hill to visit her lad Kris "Billy" Bentley.

Your Editor grew up out in the Hills District, so we will be sure to keep an ear to the ground regarding tales of Billy and Aleisha gyrating awkwardly on the dancefloor at the Tav ("It's happening at the Tavern, the Castle Hill Tavern, it's happening at the TAVERN toniiiiiiiight" - whaddajingle!) and any potential illicit carpark fondles at The Mean Fiddler.

When we read this piece in Confidential stating that Big Brother couple Andrew and Hayley had called it a day, we actually had to spend a minute or two trying to remember who the hell they were. Sadly indicative as to the likability factor of this years contestants...

The Big Brother experience has killed off the relationship between Hayley Luscott and Andrew Halas, who have split for good. Halas instigated the break-up and has moved out of the couple's apartment, blaming the Channel 10 show for the demise of their relationship. The TV twosome dated for a year before entering the BB house in April as a secret couple. Halas hinted the pair would walk down the aisle once the show's hype blew over but said the wedding claims were constructed by producers as a ratings grab.

Of course, after you've been through the pain of watching the joining and then tearing asunder of an uber-Big Brother couple like Marty and Jess from series 2, you really find it hard to muster up tears for any other broken relationships associated with the program.

We didn't watch much of BB07 (Note: this is the Associate Editor speaking; as you know Defamer Australia bosslady Jess McGuire is the queen of staying "in" with BB, and our water cooler capabilities thank her), but when we did tune in we were particularly taken with runner-up Zach Douglas and his man corset.

You may also recall that Zach was a "designer" who was particularly interested in the art of corsetry.

Well, it's taken some time, but now Zach's online corsetry emporium is finally up and running - and what a sumptuous embarrassment of riches it is.

Let's start with the copy:

Can't quite read it? Of particular enjoyment to us was the passage: "The period in which they where once produced where women worn them everyday."

Okay, so it's unfair of us to clutch at straws when it comes to reedin nad wryting gud, but the main problem with have is with the corsets themselves: they're... trashy!

We had high hopes for Zachy, but the stuff he's come up with looks like he was hoping to score a lucrative deal dressing Krystal BB for her Zoo columns. To wit, hop over the jump to experience "Victoria and Donna"...

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We interrupt this pause between Big Brother posts for a Big Brother related post.

Last night at the eviction night festivities attended by Defamer Australia, the most hotly debated topic of the evening was not "Aleisha versus Zach - who should win?" (as we were all united in our love for Zach) but rather "Umm, did you see Gretel get hit in the head back then? Did Bodie throw something? Was it a chicken or a shoe? A CHICKEN OR A SHOE, FOR FUCKS SAKE?"

The answer? It was a chicken. A rubber chicken, in fact, and it was indeed flung by the moronic Bodie ... the one male housemate (other than Jamie) who didn't cop a boozed up fondle from Killeen at the after party, we'd wager.

Here's the video!

(Via Behind Big Brother)

... we'd like to "celebrate" our time spent blogging about Big Brother.

Here's everything we ever wrote about Big Brother in one handy link!

Wow, what a trip down memory lane! Fantastic stuff.

Now without further adieu, let's get on with our - hang on. Big Brother's talking in our ear. Okay, alright... it seems the collecting of thoughts regarding the finale is taking a little longer than expected, we want to make sure they're worded just right, so we're going to "celebrate" our time blogging about Big Brother a little more.

Remember when Shilpa Shetty from Celebrity Big Brother UK was rumoured to be joining the housemates? Sigh. Never happened though, did it?

Hmmm. We've still got more celebrating to do, so just keep celebrating for as long as you can drag out the fucking celebrating, and before you know it - Defamer Australia's Big Brother finale report will be online!

CELEBRATION!

PS: There is no god.

It won't be a "live" live blog tonight, we've encountered technical difficulties. But we will make copious notes and publish all finale related malarkey as soon as humanly possible.

Stay tuned!

PS: ZACH TO 1992SAVE

That is all.

After this evening's festivities, Big Brother Haterz can rest easy for a week... and then Australian Idol starts.

The upside to this, if you dislike reality television shows, is that Australian Idol season means we are inspired to focus our mildly retarded attentions on Kyle Sandilands and his guaranteed repeated acts of idiocy throughout the series. And if there's one thing an entire country can get behind, it's loathing Kyle Sandilands and his publicly performed acts of arsehattery.

If he does for some godforsaken reason say or do anything good during the show, we will of course inform you of this. But in a begrudging, gritted teeth sort of way.

Is it possible? Could our broken heart over 2005's Big Brother result be repaired this evening with a Zach win? Oh, we do hope so.

Last night saw the eviction of Billy and Travis from the house, leaving Aleisha and Zach to duke it out for the title of Winner Of Life/A Fairly Average Season Of Big Brother.

THINGS OF NOTE ABOUT LAST NIGHT'S SHOW.

- They really hammered home the Dad love last night, didn't they? Making the housemates cry with their Diary Room confessions regarding their relationships with their fathers, etc. Makes you glad Emma didn't end up in the final four.

- Zach's parents are wonderful, and their genuine and emotional conversations with Gretel about their son's sexuality and the effect his time in the house has had not only on their own family, but the wider community? Beautiful and truly touching moments in an otherwise increasingly artificial feeling show.

- Billy's dad, this is not the Oscars, you are not Gwyneth fucking Paltrow, so PLEASE stop thanking anyone who has ever worked for Endemol Southern Star.

- Gretel sandwiching herself between Billy's father and Billy and admitting "I'll take what I can get these days" was a cheery and welcome return to form for Ms Killeen. We like it when she quips away in a self-deprecating manner!

- However, her kid glove treatment of Billy when it came to asking him exactly how his relationship with Hayley ended (ie: did you cheat, you randy goat?) made us recall her unfairly aggressive treatment of the admittedly irritating but essentially harmless Jamie. If Billy had been - IN HER EYES - not as attractive, we suspect she may have gone harder. Erm. In the interviewing sense, of course. Though we've no doubt she would "go hard" in many other senses too.

AND WHAT OF TONIGHT?

We desperately want Zach to win, and demand you spend your precious dollars texting ZACH to 1992SAVE. If he comes out the victor, we'll watch Big Brother again next year. If he doesn't...

(shakes fist at sky)

A few of our chums felt the loss of Travis from the race meant that Zach was a shoe-in. Remember 2005, people? REMEMBER 2005? The "Travis" of that year, Vesna, was booted out leaving the amiable Logan Greg (AKA ALEISHA) and Lefty Tim (AKA ZACH). No one expected Logan Greg to win - except possibly Logan David, if rumours of him spending fuckloads to vote for his brother are to be believed - and yet he did... at the expense of the wonderful, creative, intelligent, slightly bloody mad Tim Brunero.

So while we are hopeful and pleased Zach has made it to the final two - a miraculous feat in itself considering he is A Gay from the Camp wing of homosexuality rather than one of the "normal, straight acting kinda blokes" which some heterosexuals in the community idiotically view as the preferable variety of fruit to grow in one's garden (ie: society - we are enjoying our metaphors today, non?) - we are still wary of being hurt once more.

ZACH TO WIN - IF THERE'S A GOD.

Oh, and after the jump? Some charming snaps from last night's show and a couple more from the Big Brother finale rehearsal. Sweet!

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This weekend (well, dragged out over Sunday and Monday) will see the conclusion of an all-round fairly disappointing season of Big Brother. Can we blame the lack of nude moments? The housemates themselves? An exhausted nation weary of reality television? We will perhaps pen an incredibly lengthy and insightful essay answering these very questions next week.

In the meantime, please vote to save the wonderful, charming, sweet Zach who strikes us as the only person in the damn Dreamworld compound with a soul. Restore our faith in the nation. If Zach wins, the huge hole in our heart caused by the hideous victory of The Logans over Lefty Tim in 2005 may be somewhat filled.