bert newton

The Most Exciting Facebook Ad Ever

9:55AM Clem Bastow | Well, perhaps that headline is a touch hyperbolic, but when I got online this morning to check my pokes work really hard, I was greeted by the banner ad you see at the left. (Suffice to say it was a pleasant change from the usual “26 And Still Single?” varieties.) Anything combining the words “Alan Fletcher” and “musical” is bound to snare my attention – because we all love it when Dr Karl brings that old guitar out of the shed and Susan rolls her eyes – so I clicked through. Cop a load of these highlights from the cast! More »

Australia’s Favourite (If You Don’t Count The One Who Was Arrested Last Year) Showbiz Family Offers Up Its Newest Member To The Masses

1:02PM Jess McGuire | If there’s one thing that makes us more giddy than a newborn baby, it’s Bert Newton’s face. When the two combine to create one awesomely heartwarming piece of showbiz “news”, well, it goes without saying that we pretty much soil ourselves. And so it was this morning when we learned Bert and Patti Newton have become first time grandparents. Television personality Lauren Newton, yesterday gave birth to Sam Albert Newton Welsh, the first child for her and husband Olympic swimmer Matt Welsh. “Lauren is beautiful, Matt is as handsome as ever and Sam is the star of the family,” Newton told Channel 9 this morning. Little Sam was born three weeks early in Melbourne. We think it’s pretty safe to assume Bert is referring to son-in-law Matt Welsh in the above comment, and not son Matt Newton. We anxiously await the glossy magazine photo spread. More »

Dirty Bert Giving Channel 9 Audiences Bad Vibrations

9:30AM Clem Bastow | Channel 9 has been served a can of whoop ass by a watchdog after the network failed to respond adequately to complaints issued about the ‘whoops matron’-style gags made by Bert Newton on Bert’s Family Feud. Family groups are sooking because not only did Bert get all Brighton Pier in the 5pm timeslot, but because the gags are still being replayed on the ninemsn website. The controversy follows Newton’s man-on-man pash with Rove McManus for charity and greeting Footy Show compere Garry Lyon on air with “Hello Garry, you old poof”. … Viewers slammed the airing at 5pm of the incident in which the topic of sex toys was repeatedly brought up. Newton asked a young female contestant to name a gift that was hard to return. “This is a pretty filthy answer, but it’s all I can think of and there’s dirty people in your audience,” the woman said. “So I’m going to go with vibrator.” Newton then made a series of vibrator jokes. “I can hear a hum of some kind,” he said before telling the woman to check her trousers. Newton then asked the contestant’s sister if she wanted “to get down and dirty” and, while hugging the woman, said: “I think you may have left your motor running.” Is there no end to the man’s genius? Can you imagine being bear-hugged by Bert (who is, we should mention, probably one of the tallest and biggest – like he’s been zapped by the Honey, I Blew Up The Kid! ray – men we’ve ever clapped eyes upon) while he made a series of vibrator-related single-entendres? Our minds are collectively boggling! If we start a petition to get Bert to host every televised awards ceremony in the country, will you sign it? More »

Burt ‘Munface’ Newman – Forever In Our Hearts And Minds.

4:50PM Jess McGuire | You’d think 50 years worth of showbiz experience would be enough to ensure your relatively simple name was correctly spelled by journalistic types online, but if you’re Bert Newton – you’d be wrong. Poor ol’ Burt :( More »

Bert Finally Wades Into “Cesspool”, Reveals Thoughts On Gra-Gra, Biopic

10:55AM Clem Bastow | Following Graham Kennedy’s death in 2005, Derryn Hinch’s allegations that Kennedy died of an AIDS-related illness, and the filming of the ‘explosive’ biopic, The King, one person who has remained conspicuously quiet on the topic has been Kennedy’s friend and former collaborator, Bert Newton. However, in an interview that will air on A Current Affair this evening (prior to the network premiere of The King), Newton airs his thoughts on everything, including Kennedy’s sexuality, and explains his two-year silence on the matter. “I think the reason I didn’t say a hell of a lot was it became a cesspool at one stage which I thought was disgraceful given the manner in which he died,” Newton told Grimshaw. … The movie, which has already aired on Foxtel, drew criticism from Kennedy’s closest friends Noeline Brown and Tony Sattler because they felt it focused on his sexuality rather than his success. Not having caught The King when it first aired on Foxtel, we will be tuning in to make up our own minds, once we have luxuriated in front of Moonface’s God-like glow (while Derryn Hinch sits at home picking coal fragments out of last year’s Christmas stocking/pulling the wings off flies/burning ants with a magnifying glass, and so forth). More »