babies
Flotsam & Jetsam
If You Want To Lose Weight, Have A Baby
3:57AM Hamilton Nolan | Fat: the silent menace of new mums and just plain fat people alike. Scientists now tell us that you must either have a small human suckle the fat off your body, or cut your own gut open, to slim down. More »
Flotsam & Jetsam
Poor Africans Catch Break On Babies (Cue Questionable Remarks)
11:48AM Andrew Belonsky | It never fails: you leave a little food on your plate and some liberal whines about all the starving children in Africa. Well, thanks to a new, cheap invitro program, there may soon be more hungry mouths to not feed… More »
Flotsam & Jetsam
Surprise! Dead Baby Is Actually Alive
10:44AM Foster Kamer | A prematurely born baby: died, given a death certificate, had funeral arrangements made for him. Then he started crying from his coffin. [Guanabee]
Radio
12:51PM Jess McGuire | Pants off party machine (and Defamer Australia Twitter buddy, bless him) Todd McKenney wants his co-host Sonia Kruger to be the mother of his child! Well, I suppose the radio broadcasters who breed together stay together… More »
Todd McKenney Wants A Baby With Sonia Kruger!
12:51PM Jess McGuire | Pants off party machine (and Defamer Australia Twitter buddy, bless him) Todd McKenney wants his co-host Sonia Kruger to be the mother of his child! Well, I suppose the radio broadcasters who breed together stay together… More »
Small Screen
For Mel Gibson, The First Step Of Celebrity Rehab Is To Bully Octo-Mom
12:02AM Richard Lawson | What does one pop culture horrorshow do when he wants to publicly mock another, even more terrifying pop culture horrorshow? He goes on the soon-disappearing Jay Leno show. Today we have drunken Judaica scholar Mel Gibson vs. horrifying swamp breeder, Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman. More »
Attention, Sunday Has Left The Building, We Repeat: Sunday Has Left The Building
8:43AM Clem Bastow | Looks like the birth of little Sunday Rose Kidman Urban is going to be one of those that ushers in the “SHE HAS JUST EATEN SOMETHING” school of celebrity news reporting that occasionally troubles the gossip set. You know, where usually they’ll be all like “The baby’s here, congratulations to all, we’ll check in when it looks less like Hans Moleman; around the two year mark? Good, see you then”, in certain cases they’re just hanging on the new family’s every move.
This seems to be one of those instances.
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have reportedly taken newborn daughter Sunday Rose home, just a day after she was born.
Hospital staff told the media the new family set off for their secluded property outside Nashville just before midnight local time.
Well, at least it’s “good” to see that the days of a blissful week in hospital following the birth being tended to by wise old maternity nurses are not just a thing of the past for “normal” people like us.
But I look forward to hearing the latest update from the Kidman Urban camp – perhaps something along the line of, “At 2am eastern standard time tonight, Nicole Kidman will be changing Sunday’s nappy – EXCLUSIVE”. More »
Nicole Kidman And Keith Urban Welcome Your Pink-Themed Baby Gifts Now!
9:37AM Clem Bastow | Australia’s womens’ magazine-reading population today issues a collective sigh of relief after holding their breath all the way through Nicole Kidman’s pregnancy – Nicole and husband Keith Urban have welcomed little Sunday Rose Kidman Urban into the world!
In brief, Nicole’s father did not deliver the baby, and Tom Cruise is currently compiling a thoughtful ‘Baby’s First E-Meter Test’ gift basket for the new arrival.
Urban’s publicist Paul Freundlich announced the birth just after midnight Australian eastern standard time today.
Sunday weighed a healthy 6 pounds, 7 ounces (3.04 kilograms).
“Nicole and Keith Urban are delighted to announce that Nicole Kidman gave birth to a baby girl on Monday morning, July 7, 2008, in the United States,” Freundlich announced in a statement.
“Husband Keith was by Nicole’s side and mother and baby are very well.”
Urban let the world know Kidman’s birth was imminent when he performed a concert in the couple’s adopted new hometown of Nashville on Saturday night.
Kidman was backstage at the concert.
“I’m going to dedicate a song to my very, very, very, very, VERY pregnant wife!” Urban told the crowd of 50,000 before launching into his hit song, Better Half.
Aww! [Insert gag about Sunday Rose wanting to get out quick smart so she could turn down the volume on Dad's saccharine country-crossover power balladry.]
Defamer Australia sends its warmest congratulations to Nicole and Keith and little Sunday Rose! More » 
Kerry Katona’s Little Bundle Of Joy
12:30PM Clem Bastow | We know it’s neither big nor clever to laugh at babies, but when we saw this little blurb and pic linking to the news of Kerry Katona’s new bub, we had to stifle more than a few laffs:
“Already bearing some resemblance to his mother”? Is it just us, or is The Daily Mail being a bit cheeky?
It is, shall we say, not the loveliest bit of footage of a newborn we’ve ever seen – and, oh, wouldn’t you know it, it was all caught on camera for Kerry’s fly-on-the-wall MTV series. Happy days! More » 
The Kerry Katona Guide To Pregnancy And Parenthood
8:44AM Clem Bastow | Former Celebrity Mum of The Year Kerry Katona™ continues to kick parenting goals that we’re guessing her PR peeps would probably prefer we didn’t hear about, except – oops! – Kerry invited MTV cameras into her life and home for her fly-on-the-wall series, Crazy In Love.
So, based on continued updates courtesy of the Daily Mail and Crazy In Love, we thought we’d tally up some tips and hints on parenting and pregnancy based on what Kerry – again, Former Celebrity Mum of The Year – has to tell us. Read on!
More » It’s Confirmed: Humanity Is Doomed
3:27PM Clem Bastow | You know, on the topic of humanity’s slow and steady downfall, most people would point to things like overpopulation, recession, rising rates of arcane sexually-transmitted diseases, the brain drain, or maybe the fact that the Third World is still hungry and sick with illnesses that should’ve been magicked away years ago.
We here at Defamer Australia, however, believe the evidence will be found here:
Given the unstoppable rise of text language, it was only a matter of time before children’s names went the way of traditional English.
Sure enough, text-style versions have begun to appear on birth certificates. Anne has been changed to An, Connor to Conna and Laura to Lora. Six boys were named Cam’ron instead of Cameron. According to the online parenting club Bounty, one girl born last month was named Flicity. And there are numerous young chaps named Samiul.
Last year, a couple were told they would not be allowed to register their son’s name as 4Real.
Officials in New Zealand ruled that the use of a number made it inappropriate, so Pat and Sheena Wheaton had to opt for their second choice – Superman.
“Conna”? “An”? “FLICITY”?!
Please, if there is a God, could s/he start instigating some sort of anti-dickhead gene, so that as soon as a human being thinks, “You know what? These yellow sunglasses are the bomb shit, let’s have a party!” or “Hey, girlfriend, could you have a close look at this broken wine glass for me?“, they explode into a fine, bloody mist.
If not god, then Michael Bay. Which is near enough. More » 