Remember Graeme Isaako from So You Think You Can Dance Australia? The slightly earnest young insect who liked to have a cry after dancing for his life, looked like he thought partner Kate was a bit of alright, and surprised everyone by announcing, upon being booted, that what he really wanted to do was sing?

Well, some forward-thinking Herald Sun scribe got in touch with Isaako and asked him if he was going to play reality TV two-up.

"My goal, even before the show, was to do recording and stuff and I think now is the perfect opportunity," he said.

"But I'm not going to go for Idol. How embarrassing. Everyone would just look at me and go: 'Reality-TV whore'."

Yes. To paraphrase that old knight guarding the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade, he chose... wisely.

Do you know what the best part of this article talking about Andrew G's impending nuptials to hot tamale Noa Tishby was?

No, it wasn't the bit where we learned the saintly folk from Fremantle Media have been kind enough to offer Andrew G some time off the Australian Idol treadmill to get hitched in June, although that's nice.

Australian Idol host Andrew G will take a special break from filming the program in June, because of his wedding to Israeli model Noa Tishby.

The marriage will take place in Israel, with a number of celebrity guests from Australia expected to attend. G, who is busy with wedding plans, is said to be thrilled that his bosses have been so understanding about rearranging his Australian Idol duties in time for the big day.

"Channel Ten and Fremantle Media have been so accommodating," said Mark Morrissey, G's agent, who confirmed the nuptials would take place in Israel next month.

Nup, the best bit about the article is that the photo accompanying it appears to show Noa pulling back Andrew G's shirt in order to reveal a curious man-boob waxing job.

Is it just me? It's just me, isn't it?

Remember Tarisai Vushe, the 2007 Australian Idol contestant who started out sounding like the new Whitney Houston, then said "thank you" an awful lot, and ended up going completely bananas?

Well, she's baaaaack!

Tarisai has returned to the news after announcing that she was kidnapped by her ex-boyfriend - but, er, it's okay, you don't have to call the police. Or something.

Vushe said she was returning DVDs at 11pm on Friday when she was grabbed.

"He grabbed me from behind and kept asking me why I left him, in a really obsessive way," she said.

"He left me in the car. I got out and walked to a service station (near Penrith) and called a taxi," she said.

Her manager, Alex Haddad, who co-ordinates Vushe's new band Method, insisted he believed her account of the ordeal.

"I've encouraged her to go to the police, but I can't make her," he said.

"When she didn't turn up for rehearsal last week, we rang her family and they mentioned she might be doing a gig interstate. But Tarisai didn't want them to tell us anything."

Hmm, we're torn. If she IS serious, then for god's sake, go to the police, girlfrien'! Too many cases of assault against women go unreported these days.

However, if she's telling fibs a la "Marcia Hates me", well, a thousand aspersions on "Method" and may all their gigs be on Wednesday nights at RSLs.

Which is probably pretty close to the reality they'll enjoy, anyway.

After the fizzer that was 2007's effort, this latest season of Australian Idol is already having "isshews" - and it's not even on the air yet!

After much fanfare regarding the show's overseas auditions for expat Australians, the Los Angeles round has already been cancelled. The excuse they're using is Kyle Sandilands' busy schedule; is that what they're calling "no one turned up" these days...

The United States auditions were due to be held on Sunday with Sandilands presiding over the judging.

Just hours after Tina Arena and Darren Hayes were announced as guest judges to scope the talent at the show's London auditions, an Australian Idol spokesman said Sandilands' conflicting schedule had caused the endeavour to be scrapped.

Production being stretched for its London auditions was another big factor, the spokesman added.

"London has been massive for us and we've had an overwhelming response to London," he said.

"Kyle's timetable was a factor of us not being able to do all our commitments as well."

We shouldn't be too quick to judge Idol '08, however; the article goes on to reassure us all that audition numbers were up 30% this year... in Newcastle.

We're not going to start holding our breath just yet.

Wow, we knew the Idol franchise was going to require a decent revamp in order to draw in the punters this year, but we weren't expecting to find out that Mark Holden has been given the flick from the show!

According to the Daily Telegraph -

From touchdown to comedown - outspoken personality Mark Holden has been culled from the Australian Idol judging panel in an attempt to reinvigorate the tired format of the Channel Ten talent quest.

It is understood the network, together with Australian Idol production company Fremantle Media, reached the decision this week and will rush out a press release after the news - scheduled to be announced on Thursday - broke to media prematurely this afternoon.

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...By members of her family.

Walking down Swanston Street in Melbourne, we heard some familiar tones - it was Natalie Gauci's winner's single, Here I Am, blaring out of a speaker system. We turned to face the din and realised it was pumping out of the Golden Tower "chat 'n' chew" restaurant, run by the Gauci family. The restaurant's covered dining area is still bedecked with home-made 'Vote Natalie' posters, which look more poignant with every passing day.

We couldn't help but feel that this was one of the last remaining places on earth where Gauci's music career was of any interest to anyone, and as such should possibly be submitted as a Heritage site.

Where did it all go wrong? Things looked set to soar for The Gauch when she took the Idol title while memories of her stirring renditions of Umbrella and Boys In Town were still fresh in the country's memory. Then things started to develop the stench of death: her album tanked, and, well, things got worse.

The latest we've heard from her is this blog on the Sony BMG site from last week, which sounds more like a gap-year traveller's email home than a missive from a busy music career.

Add to that the fact that Matt Corby, the last season's great white hope, turned down a recording deal, not to mention a decided lack of publicity regarding any 2008 auditions, and the franchise looks more or less dead in the water.

Is the Idol dream over, full-stop? Looking bloody likely from here!

We're afraid it's true, ladies and gentlemen. Dan O'Connor, he of the variety of nose bridge not seen since Michael York in The Island Of Dr Moreau, is leaving our screens.

If you cast your minds waaaay back, you may recall that O'Connor - prior to being a sissy bitch who cried when Janae left him - was once an underwhelming Australian Idol contestant, and it seems that the musicality pulsing through his veins is crying out to be released once more, so in a move of striking originality, he's leaving Ramsay Street to relaunch his singing career.

We can't wait for that one!

The former Campbelltown lad (in Sydney's west) has announced he's leaving his soap stud-dom behind in April to concentrate on a music career.

Signing new management and with plans to head to Britain in June, the Australian Idol favourite says he hopes to have a pop/rock album ready for release by the end of the year.

"To try to do music and the show at the same time is really hard. I wanted to commit to it (music) 100 per cent."

We'd say something here about "you'd want to commit to it 100%, since you suck at it", but it's Monday and we're trying to start the week on a positive note.

So, good luck, Dan! See you at the ARIAs, mate!

So everyone's well aware of the chart woes currently affecting Australian Idol winner Natalie Gauci (who will be referred to as The Gauch from hereon in, just because we can). Suffering from a severe bout of Casey-itis, it seems The Gauch's victory at the Opera House finale last year hasn't been enough to guarantee album sales, with her single Here I Am only managing to reach the dizzying heights of the #2 position (good under normal circumstances, but when you're part of the Idol juggernaut and the associated publicity power that comes with it, not so good) and her album debuting at #12.

But even we were surprised when checking out the 50 members of the Facebook group "I NEED A GIG IN MELBOURNE!!!!!!" to see her name pop up.

Surely Sony-BMG aren't forcing her to arrange her own shows via Facebook?! This'd never have happened to Matt Corby - IT IS A TRAVESTY!

Poor The Gauch :(

On the upside, she's not alone. Former E-Street star (and deliverer of The World's Greatest Lyrics TM - "If you wanna wait til later, hands off my detonator") Melissa Tkautz is also part of the shouty group. Can we organise a Gauch/Tkautz double-header at a small, intimate venue like The Empress? We'd pay the $7 cover charge. Anything to support our Australian Idol!

Young Matt Corby - remember him? - who was tipped to be the sure-shot victor of Australian Idol '07 (despite, you know, not actually being the victor) evidently isn't too fussed about whether he makes it or not (despite, you know, not actually going back to school in favour of a career in the industry).

It seems that Sony BMG offered him a shiny record deal - despite (last time we'll say that, promise) the word that only winner Natalie Gauci would be signed - but Goldilocks Matt has decided he doesn't want it after all.

The Idol runner-up was reportedly gloating about rejecting an offer from Sony BMG because he wanted to be his own man, even though he is still a teenager and the label has said it wants to give him time to grow.

"I'm still a young guy and I don't want to be packaged. I'm just cruising along and playing music, if it all fails I'll go back to doing my HSC or become a garbage man," he said.

We're pegging our bets on "if it all fails I'll become a garbage man" being the new "just making the music I love, if anyone else likes it, that's just a bonus".

See, Matt, it's meant to be! You're as big a wanker as any of these other pretenders! Take the record deal! TAKE IT!!

Poor Natalie Gauci; we'd hoped - for her sake rather than for the sake of her whoopy R&B stylings - that she wouldn't fall prey to the curse of the female Australian Idol winners (i.e. sinking without a trace), but it looks like that's precisely what the fates have in store for her.

Her "album", The Winner's Journey (a rush-recorded comp of all the covers she performed on Idol) hasn't even made the top ten, offering a grim forecast for whenever Sony BMG deign to release her real debut album, which will hopefully have even more originals inspired by backpackers than her single's b-side.

Despite heavy promotion on one of the year’s most-watched programs, the souvenir CD The Winner's Journey only managed to make it to number 12 on the ARIA chart, with sales of of 11,489 units in its first week of release.

By comparison, last year’s winner Damien Leith sold 89,257 copies of his debut CD in its first full week on sale.

If that wasn't bad enough for The Gauch, Sony BMG have now confirmed that Dicko and Andrew G's "special announcement" that the label would only sign the winner was a total ruse, and in the most gobsmacking announcement since Miriam revealed she'd wasn't all woman, they've signed Matt Corby!

Meanwhile a Ten insider admitted Sony always had Matt in their sights. "You would think they would be silly not to sign him. He is definitely the marketable (of the final two)," the source said.

The label exercised its 30-day option on Matt, beating out a slew of other recording companies to wrap up the prettyboy from Cronulla who will ink his contract today and is expected to hit the studio as soon as possible.

Natalie should really start looking into those lucrative appearance deals at Twister, Discovery and Rooty Hill RSL real soon; we hear they're much nicer places to play than the cold, lifeless stadiums and arenas that Matt Corby will no doubt be mournfully dragging himself to, muttering all the way, "Do I haaaave toooo?"