Whether we like it or not (and I don't), and particularly since he's stopped swimming competitively and tends to hang out at fashion events and on Australia's Next Top Model, Ian Thorpe's sexuality has become a hotly debated topic of conversation amongst the gossip set.

To wit, this piece from today's Herald Sun Confidential, which is a run-on from discussing an interview Thorpe gave in Who in which he was evasive about his love life:

Gender specifics aside, the real test may come when the Foxtel personality appears on Rove to promote the History Channel's swimming special this Sunday night.

How will Thorpe respond to Rove's trademark question "Who would you turn gay for?"

That ought to at least shut them up through the powers of extreme confusion if nothing else.

Continuing in our "ner ner, we got it before you guys" coverage of The Dark Knight, an eagle-eyed reader sent us through this little doozy from today's Age online edition (via AP), trumpeting with the headline, "Record breaking Dark Knight ticket sales".

Whoa! Record breaking! Gimme some of those delicious statistics, stat!

Except, er, there are no statistics in the story:

US ticket sales for the latest Batman movie, The Dark Knight, are through the roof, with fans heading to early screenings in Batman gear and the buzz growing over Heath Ledger's last performance before his death.

Hundreds of midnight showtimes are sold out across the United States, and ticket-seller Fandango, which allows people to purchase tickets before heading to the theatre, predicts tomorrow will be the biggest ticket-selling day in company history. The movie is playing on 4,300 screens.

No mention of which record said ticket sales are breaking, no previous records set, no nuffin'.

I mean, I love Batman, too, guys, but surely this is stretching it a bit?

With Papalpaloooza rolling on, there's never been a better time to revel in all things Vatican! I have managed to fly into Sydney just in time for the official kick off of World Youth Day(s!) and boy, this town just feels electric right now, you know? The kids are young, wholesome fun, and full of Christ... and occasionally quite spunky (water, water everywhere but not a drop to "tap").

I must say though, all the middle aged pilgrim dudes are kind of freaky looking, strolling the streets of the city with a weird glint in their eyes. They resemble the sort of folk who should be getting grilled by Benson and Stabler on Law & Order: SVU rather than responsible adults in charge of escorting impressionable youths around a strange town. Whatever. Why are there so many grown up pilgrims anyway? Pope groupies? It's World Youth Day, dudes. As an associate quipped this morning, "They're like Toolies!"

Moving on to other World Youth Day-related matters... I received a rather delightful email from reader Shane today, and felt I had to share it with you all.

Dear Defamer,

In between trying to choose which menu item I should go to choose a new ring tone, would it be 'Burps, Farts or Orgasms' or 'Rad Animal Sound FX' I noticed that Vodafone had given me a third choice, World Youth Day Songs!

Here's what I can choose from, unfortunately there's no 'Hole In The Sky' by Black Sabbath.

Mother Mary - Foxboro Hottubs.
Jesus Christ (chorus) - Brand New
Jesus of Suburbia - Green Day.
We Believe - Good Charlotte.
I Believe - Paulini.
You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban.
Oh God - Jamie Cullum.
Celebration - Kylie Minogue.
Get The Party Started - Pink.
You're The Voice - John Farnham.
Youth of the Nation - P.O.D
Get Together - Madonna
Chocolate Pope - Electric Six.
Are You With Me - The Potbellez.

I think they may have the right idea with a few of those artists, but they've chosen the wrong song from the back catalogue. I would have gone with:

Pink - U + UR Hand
Madonna - Like A Prayer
Electric Six - Gay Bar
Kylie Minogue - Better The Devil You Know

But that's just me. And I am an idiot.

Also - am I the only one surprised that Pope Benedict XVI didn't make amazing use of the acronym OMG in his very hip text message to Catholics?

Stay Holy, and remember - don't be a hater. This is a MAGICAL WONDERFUL EVENT FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD and anyone who disagrees should just stop dwelling crankily on sad things.

Long time Defamer Australia readers will know how much we just love seeing the Australian press wet themselves when one of ours is touched by the hands of the gods and gifted with an award nomination on the hallowed shores of America or Britain, so they'll no doubt be rustling their Thesauruses in glee at the news that Rachel Griffiths has picked up her fourth Emmy Award nomination.

Break out the Bolly, sweetchops!

Rachel Griffiths has picked up her fourth Emmy Award nomination for her role opposite dual Academy Award winner Sally Field in US drama series Brothers and Sisters.

In Australia filming Rachel Ward directed and Bryan Brown produced feature film Beautiful Kate, Rachel Griffiths, 39, happily toasted the best supporting actress nomination news with close friends and family following the announcement after 11pm last night.

"I got a call telling me I had been nominated when I was out to dinner with friends in Australia," the mother of two told Variety magazine.

"We were just finishing up and were determined to go home not too drunk and not too late. Then we heard the news and got champagne and stayed an extra hour."

And that's a nomination to write home about if ever there was one!

Here's a report that should by rights surprise no one who has watched an episode of Neighbours in the entire history of the soap opera's, er, history, but which is nonetheless disappointing considering the world we live in (i.e. one that isn't solely populated by WASPs and the occasional swarthy Italian): Neighbours is too white:

Australian TV soap Neighbours in which Kylie Minogue first found fame has been branded "too white" by black and Asian viewers in Britain.

A report by the nation's racial equality chief found many ethnic viewers felt were under-represented in some of Britain's most popular shows.

Neighbours, which is screened on the Five network, and the BBC comedy The Vicar of Dibley starring Dawn French were singled out for being "all white".

Other popular soaps including the BBC's Eastenders and ITV's Coronation Street also came under attack for including stereotypical characters such as Asian shopkeepers and black single mums.

Oh and there was Lil and her family, who were what, Serbian? And they went down in a plane crash. Good track record, Neighbours!

Seemingly even before the virtual newsprint ink had dried on some of the most shameless punning headlines in recent memory - "Kerr-Splat", "Kerr-Bloom Kerr-Put", "Love's Bloom Is Lost" - it seems that Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom's apparent split (and further, her alleged seeking of solace in the arms of Brandon "Oily Peanut Butter Elvis" Davis) was little more than a scurrilous rumour.

We know this because Miranda's little brother has come out guns blazing!

22-year-old Matthew Kerr is in a solid position to denounce the rumours - he was with his famous sister when she was chatting to Davis at the venue.

"We were just out with a few other friends from Australia having a good time and we bumped into Brandon while we were at 10ak," Matthew said.

"They have been friends for a while and we just said hi, chatted for a bit and that was it," he said.

"There definitely wasn't any kissing - nothing could be further from the truth."

However, not to be outdone, the Daily Telegraph and news.com.au found the time to squeeze in one last double whammy of punning excellence, with the titles of these linked-in galleries:

# Pictures: Kerriffic
# Pictures: Phwoarlando

So I probably lied a little bit when I said we wouldn't run any more Tour de France news the other day, because Cadel Evans has gone and got his hands on the Yellow Jersey for another stage - rah rah, Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Etc - and, as if by magic, there's another hilarious shot of him emotionally hugging a stuffed lion:

Evidently it's a sponsor thing, or maybe a mascot (you know, like Syd, Ollie and Dickhead from the Sydney Olympic Games), but I just want Cadel to keep winning, not so we can all dance in the streets about how Australians can be just as good as people from overseas, but because this has the potential to become the 'Keep Up The Cats!' of the second half of the year.

It seems Papal fever is still infecting the editors and photo editors of our country's fine digital newspapers! They just can't get enough of that sweet, sweet Catholicism!

Reader Daniel forwarded us The Age's 'Entertainment News' e-newsletter, adding, "You know, when I think of Broadway musicals and Dolly Parton, my mind also goes immediately to the Pope."

This is what he was referring to:

You know, people will say this is just the photo equivalent of a typo, but I think there's something deeper happening here - I get it, Benedict looks just like Dolly!

Top work, The Age! Keep up the Catholic cats!

This may well be the definitive Channel Nine-related news item of all time, in the context of Channel Nine having the annus horribilis to end all annuses horribilis: the network is considering picking up the dead-in-the-water Big Brother franchise!

Yes, in the television business equivalent of eating roadkill or taking a corpse to your school formal hoping to get lucky, Nine is eyeing the cancelled reality show as a possible revamp candidate for Nine's 2009 line-up.

"It's run its race in its present form," Nine chief executive David Gyngell said yesterday, The Australian reports.

"I still think it has some life in it in another form. Channel Nine will be looking at it."

The eight-year-old reality show ends on the Ten Network on Monday night.

Nine will hold talks with owners Endemol Southern Star about an overhaul.

"Big Brother was a very good show at its height and it is useful for the economic benefit it brings," Mr Gyngell said.

He is the only network chief interested in picking up the format. The Seven Network and Foxtel declined.

Actually, I think I've just hit the nail on the head - that makes it perfect for Channel Nine! Carry on, then.

Just when you thought Shane Warne's slightly tragic days of womanising were over, and it was all about wearing amazing sunglasses and playing in celebrity poker tournaments and saving orphaned kittens stuck in trees and stuff, well, I guess you were wrong.

Evidently Mr Baked Beans has been out on the tiles in London - and at nothing less than a students' hangout! Top work, Warnie!

The 38-year-old sportsman enjoyed a solo night out at the exclusive Mahiki club in London's posh Mayfair - a popular haunt with young royals and Girls Aloud members.

Despite his infamous reputation as a wild ladies man, Warne left the club alone, possibly after realising he was nearly 20 years older than most of the clientele.

Shane Warne, Defamer Australia salutes you! And then asks you where you've been and who you've been out with at this time of the morning, and tells you your dinner is cold and sitting in the oven and you can sleep on the couch tonight.