Pity Anna Nicole Smith's one-year-old daughter Dannielynn, who will grow up never having known her exhaustively documented mother. A tragedy to be sure, but one that fame-hungry babydaddy Larry Birkhead is determined to resolve in the most unorthodox fashion possible. If only there were some way (besides granting paid exclusives to The Insider) he could show Dannielynn just how much her mother meant to him...

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Haven't you heard? Stripping is back en vogue again (again)! Partly thanks to Ms. Busey-Hunt herself, the IdolStripperGate nonsense, and all those former strippers blogging away in support of the feminist cause that is taking your clothes off for money, our slideshow-happy friends at Us Magazine have dredged up the secret pasts of some other former private dancers. And though some may not surprise you (Courtney Love? NO! WAY!), there are also some Hollywood A-listers on their list. Find out after the jump which three Oscar nominees have, at one time or another, had to pull crumpled George Washingtons from their crotches after a long night of hustling.

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We suppose some might dispute Nasser Entertainment's bold claim that Anna Nicole is "the most anticipated motion picture of the year." Still, after watching Bad Girl of Pop Willa Ford's complete and uncompromising transformation into the nonagenarian-sexing bombshell, we will concede that the movie has just shot up our 2008 Must-See List. Something about the way Ford captures Anna's baby-gurgle voice in the line, "I wanna be the next Marilyn Monroehrmphuh," coupled with the movie's Showgirls-on-no-budget production values, makes us feel like the bigwigs at Nasser really nailed this one, producing the kind of instant camp-o-tainment Anna Nicole herself would have starred in had she not been taken from us too soon.

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Dannielynn Hope Birkhead, now 18-months-old, has been named sole heir to the Anna Nicole Smith estate by an L.A. Superior Court judge yesterday, as well as the beneficiary of a newly established trust. Larry Birkhead and estate-executor Howard K. Stern are--you guessed it--the co-trustees, a new responsibility which we can only imagine will further prevent them from putting a fucking tombstone on Anna Nicole's grave. [usatoday.com]

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On February 8, 2007, a devastated Defamer was glued to CNN, following Dr. Sanjay Gupta and the rest of AnnaDeath 360° team as they offered breathless updates on the not-entirely-shocking (yet still pretty traumatic) loss of Anna Nicole Smith. And yet here we are, a full year later, and Hollywood seems doomed to repeat its trainwreck-glamorizing mistakes. Meanwhile, Smith's legacy carries on via the creepy gentleman-callers who dotted the love polygon that defined much of her life. Larry Birkhead, we well know through a series of soul-deadening The Insider exclusives, has been adjusting to life with his money-pooping paternity jackpot, most recently having plopped the toddler on a patch of grass he assured us was Anna Nicole's resting place, and successfully baby-wrangled his daughter into saying the word "mama" for their cameras.

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Larry Birkhead and integrity go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise. While we have never held him in anything even remotely approaching regard, we think that this clip might one day go down as his lowest moment. That goes for those creeps over at The Insider, too. This clip of Birkhead trotting out Dannielynn to the Bahamian gravesite where her mother is buried repulses us on more levels than we care to count. But we'll try.

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Is Scientology just a fancy term for reparation therapy? That's what investigative journalist Ian Halperin, author of books on Kurt Cobain's death and the underbelly of the modeling world, is claiming in his new tome, Hollywood Undercover, out today. After claiming to be a gay actor afraid that revelations of his homosexuality would ruin his career, the Church took him in, promising they could "cure him of his sexuality through auditing,"or, you know, asking him to pay up. We asked Halperin if he had any dirt on the usual suspects (Tommy C. and Johnny T., natch), and learned way more than we wanted to. Hear why Travolta remains a smiley scientologist out of fear, why bisexual Anna Nicole Smith refused to join the tribe, and details on founder L. Ron Hubbard's proven contempt for these "sexual perverts" after the jump.

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Well, that took long enough: The Bahamian inquiry into Daniel Smith's death concluded Anna Nicole's son died of a lethal combination of methadone, Zoloft, and Lexapro - exactly what the independent coroner's report stated shortly after his death, and, we're hoping, not among the many things we put into our bodies over our Xmas-cheeriest weekend yet! [Yahoo News]

Had she lived, Anna Nicole Smith would have been 40 years old today; she'd also very likely be disoriented, naked but for a set of lipstick cat whiskers, and wandering around the lobby of a Florida Hard Rock hotel with a nearby Howard K. Stern capturing every pratfall on Hi-8. As ever-tabloid-present in death as she was in her drug-addled years on Earth, Entertainment Tonight commemorates the posthumous milestone by approaching the two most essential mapping points on the love-polygon that defined much of her life--Stern and Larry Birkhead:

Today, ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT spoke to Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead as they shared their continued grief for Anna Nicole Smith on what would have been her 40th birthday.

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With the Attorney General investigating the sinister network of prescription-dispensing Drs. Feelgood entrusted to her care, the Anna Nicole Clown Video: Criterion Collection made the blog rounds yesterday, ensuring sleepless nights for thousands haunted by the direful sounds of a nine-year-old girl baying, "Braaain trouble!" at the former Playboy model's unsuccessful attempts at burping a pineapple. The video only raised more questions: Who, for example, was the "Mark" that metteur en scène Howard K. Stern kept referring to throughout the shoot? Usmagazine.com has the answer:

Mark Schey, the president and CEO of creative agency 22Digital, which created the "TRIMSPA, Baby!" slogan, tells Us that through his "good, professional relationship" with Smith he often helped her post fan videos on her personal website "as a courtesy kind of thing." He claims he was not paid, however, and that he wasn't present at the Bahamas video shoot.

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