If you'll forgive me for that incredibly dull headline, when it comes to this particular piece of Winegums news, I am afraid (and a little ashamed, and slightly nauseated, and then a bit concerned, and possibly even confused) that the Herald Sun have beaten me to the punning punch with this one: "Amy Winehouse goes back to Jack Daniels". Well, it would've been funnier had they just left it at "Back to Jack", which is why I am dry-retching with shame and sorrow at not having been able to make the pun, BUT ANYWAY:

Amy Winehouse stunned organisers of a music festival she is due to headline, but ordering a whopping 48 bottles of Jack Daniels, according to a report.

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It's probably safe to say that using the phrase "troubling news" in the same breath as the name "Amy Winehouse", these days, is tantamount to a tautology, but if you'll forgive me, today there is some genuinely troubling news in the Winegums camp: "friends" (who no doubt took some time out from hanging with "former colleagues" and chatting to "a source" to bring us the news) are concerned that Amy may have sustained brain damage after a series of drug overdoses. And since it seems that these days Amy has, ahem, medical emergencies as often as she pops down to the chippy for dinner, there's a good chance these "friends" may be onto something.

The singer, 24, suffered two major overdoses, with such bad convulsions that they were "like a scene from The Exorcist".

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When Kate Moss was busted allegedly doing coke, it was sort of shocking, right? And when Peaches Geldof was filmed apparently making - ahem - a transaction, it was also sort of out of left field, yeah? But when Amy Winehouse is shot doing what looks to be a nose-load of coke, it sort of ranks - in the "surprising" stakes - alongside Miriam revealing to the Big Brother housemates that she was, in fact, born a man, or the fact that (spoiler alert you guys!) the East Compton Clovers beat the Rancho Carne Toros in Bring It On. So, here's the rub:

The troubled Back to Black star was secretly filmed hoovering up the Class A drug in a packed London pub.

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Well, here I was thinking that Blake Fielder-Civil was more or less the last thing that Winegums needs in her life at the moment, but apparently all that "'til death do us part" stuff is, like, totally for reals, and Winegums has decided that the best way to get her husband back on side (you know, her junkie husband that looks like a living corpse and is in jail for assault and perverting the course of justice; you know, that awesome dude) is to go to rehab. And wouldn't you know it, skanky UK comedian and Forgetting Sarah Marshall dude Russell Brand hooked a sista up.

Amy, 24, will have treatment at the "small and friendly" Focus 12 Clinic in Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk, where funnyman Russell Brand beat his own demons.

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Okay so based on the press surrounding Amy Winehouse's appearance the last few weeks, you could be forgiven for thinking she was close to death and/or preparing, method-style, to play the female lead in a remake of Weekend At Bernie's (particularly if you, you know, actually looked at her). But now, following the news that she actually didn't fare too badly at the V Festival this past weekend ("The 24-year-old Grammy winner looked nervous, and her vocals were sometimes only partially audible, but the V crowd applauded loudly at the end of her curtailed set," apparently), I've looked at the shots from the gig and, well, is it wrong to tentatively say she's actually starting to look a bit better again? Evidence over the jump.

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If you haven't yet experienced the wonder (tinged with skin crawling horror) of Allison the electronics cleaner huffer and her "It's like I'm walkin' on sunshine!" exclamations, now's the time. However, while thrilling to Allison's head-bobbing toluene meltdown and crazy eyes last night, I had something of an epiphany, pertaining to everyone's favourite Troubled™ soul superstar. Could Intervention have unwittingly given us a clue to Winegums' continued disastrousness? Hop over the jump for an "artist's impression" I think you will find wholly compelling.

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When you think about it, there aren't that many things that Amy Winehouse would reasonably consider being below her. Walking around London at 4am in a bra? Easy. Doing vodka slammers up the nose? Where do I sign! Marrying Blake Fielder-Civil? So last year. So when I read that Winegums had taken her 12-year-old goddaughter to a club for a rollicking night on the town, I thought, "Yes, and, your point is?" Because of course Winegums would think that was a suitable night out for a child!

The Kent schoolgirl was left to look on helplessly as Auntie Amy scrapped with fans, chucked pint glasses at people and collapsed in a heap on the floor.

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In our Winegums' checkered past over the last twelve months or so, I've lost track of the numerous people who have offered to "save" her; some notables have included Mick Jagger, who apparently ended up too busy pouting in front of a mirror to actually make good on his offer of salvation. Perhaps the latest offerers will have a little more luck: a group of Austrian monks has extended a hand to the troubled soul superstar:

The Cistercian Monks Of Stift Heiligenkreuz are based in Vienna, Austria, and they are a little worried about poor Amy. She certainly has a nice voice, but she doesn't seem to be doing too well. So the brothers would like to bring her over for some solemn, pious R&R.

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If the recent VMAs promo made you wonder "Who's the Brit next to Brit-Brit?", then meet Russell Brand. We asked the British funnyman (and Forgetting Sarah Marshall star) to sit down with us in an effort to prove his pop culture bona fides before hosting the VMAs on September 7. Already a famous ladykiller in the U.K., can Brand prove equally charming as the emcee of MTV's biggest event? We solicited his thoughts on Miley Cyrus, Christian Bale, and hermaphrodite presidents in a bid to find out.

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Remember approximately a bazillion years ago when Winegums was working with producer/collaborator Mark Ronson on the theme song for the new 007 flick, Quantum Of Solace, and everyone was all like "this will be Amy's big career revival!"? Yeah, neither did I, such has been her exemplary work ethic lately, but evidently she actually did finish a recording and plans to release it anyway (i.e. in spite of Jack White and Alicia Keys' official track) in some sort of chart comeback/flipped bird to the Bond execs who vetoed her effort. Wow, this has "monumental success" written all over it!

Amy told me she wants to "prove that they have made a big mistake".

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