· Low-budget suspense movie The Strangers, which managed to pretty effectively scare the crap out of us, is getting a sequel. It promises to cover all the rooms in a house Liv Tyler wasn't chased through by a trio of masked psychopaths not explored in the original. [Variety]
· NBC gives Chuck gets a full-season order, while America's Got Talent—which seems on course to reward a male Britney Spears impersonator $1 million—got a fourth season. [Variety]
· Lonelygirl15 is returning for LG15: The Resistance. Could someone be a doll and fill Aaron Sorkin in on what's happened in the plot until now? [Variety]
· ABC is hot for a comedy pilot from Steven Levitan and Christopher Lloyd that would follow three families as their lives are documented by a Dutch filmmaker. None of the families are Caveman-American, to our knowledge. [THR]
· George Clooney is in negotiations to star in Jason Reitman's adaptation of Walter Kirn's frequent-flyer-mile-addiction novel, Up in the Air, effectively bumping this project up to First Class. (Feel free to use that, THR.) [THR]

Though she's had her fair number of brushes with the law, Michelle Rodriguez continues to confound the industry by working steadily. She's currently filming Avatar, a grueling shoot that requires her to wear a motion-capture device not unlike an old-fashioned diving suit, as James Cameron's Jesus Cameras™ provide the required fantasy spacescapes around her. There's also her exciting Shell-truck-detonating work in Fast and Furious. But for millions of Lost fans worldwide, she will forever be remembered as Ana Lucia Cortez—a castaway cop snuffed by the cruel hand of overpopulated-island fate, plus a network head sick of reading about her latest arrests. EW.com now reports that all fences and landmass-disappearing donkey wheels have been mended, as Rodriguez is set to return for a single episode, probably as a "flashback or via hallucination," in the coming season.

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That thrilling rite of reality TV passage—the running of the Z-list celebs down the streets of Pomona and into the Dancing with the Stars studios for an unforgettable season of Mambos and Cha-Chas, marred infrequently by the occasional rogue-sequin blinding—is again underway, friends. Let's get right down to it. Here is your class of 2008-09:

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· NBC commanded an appropriately world-record-breaking ratings win over the other four networks thanks to Michael Phelps and the rest of their Olympics coverage; but CBS's Big Brother managed to hold its own, due in no small part to a competitively themed Drown the Old Guy in Slop episode that tested the outer limits of senior contestant Jerry's will to live. [Variety]
· She lost the weight, she's feeling great, and now she's ready to work: Valerie Bertinelli will return to her sitcom roots with a half-four TBS comedy about a single mum "who struggles to care for two kids and a lumber business." Even more exciting? Bonnie Franklin is in talks to play a stack of two-by-fours! [Variety]
· Fox News Channel is sprucing up its Facebook page with a video clip library, enhanced feedback applications, and anchor status updates alerting you that "Bill O'Reilly is...totally nuts for WALL-E even though he knows he shouldn't be :P!!!" [Variety]
·James McAvoy and Emily Blunt will voice the title gnomes is Gnomio and Juliet, playing starcrossed Travelocity pitchmen from "rival gardens" in a computer-animated Miramax feature. [THR]
·ABC is going forward with Supermanny, a male version of Supernanny, in which bratty problem-children will be dazzled into submission by their new hunky caregiver's rippling abs and dreamy smile. [THR]

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Lamas Family acting dynasty heiress Shayne Lamas may not have made love work with the green-card-curious man of her dreams, but by no means does that mean that she'd cover all the mirrors in her house, don a black cocktail dress, and mourn her broken engagement indoors. Life goes on for our little Monkey, as evidenced by a sequence of photographs on inebriated-social-interaction documentation site lastnightsparty.com. What starts out innocently enough, however, with a little round of "Who's the Marilyn-est of them all?" quickly devolves into a regrettable attempt at unbuckling a nearby patron's belt with her head, followed by a shocking display of unobstructed tuchus that will forever taint the pristine Bachelor brand. It's after the jump. But BEWARE! Shayne Lamas's dumps are NSFW!

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· George Clooney gets back to what he does best—terrorism, law firms, and car explosions—by buying the rights to The Challenge, a book about the trial of Osama bin Laden's bodyguard and driver. [Variety]
· Tom Cruise is close to signing on for the lead in The Tourist, a Spyglass remake of 2005 French thriller Anthony Zimmer, about an American abroad made the patsy to flush out a master criminal. Cruise would play the patsy. [Variety]
· Las Vegas parking lot nuisance and prematurely ejected HBO head Chris Albrecht has left his job at IMG sports and entertainment management after just one year of a three-year contract. A "terse" statement blamed an inability to "raise substantial funds." [Variety]
· Chick-flick-plundering network ABC follows up their pilot-order of a The Witches of Eastwick series with another for a show inspired by Maid In Manhattan. [THR]
· Lionsgate has purchased scripts from screenwriting duo Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain for Conan and Amazon, with Scarlett Johansson attached to star in the latter. Open casting call for 3-foot-tall mainland extras to follow. [THR]

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What better way to cool down in the summer heat than with a frozen reality turkeycicle, aka High School Musical: Get In The Picture? We had yet to encounter the kids vying for whatever it is this show is promising—we assume some sort walk-on role on High School Musical 5: Pregnancy Pact!. But we figured, "Hey— aspiring child actors competing for our hearts and votes on a competitive talent show, what could go wrong?" A lot, it turns out.

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It's a shocking turn of events anticipated by only a handful of the most cynical romance-haters: Shayne Lamas, heiress to the Lamas Family acting dynasty, and British Bachelor Guy, a reality TV contestant from England, citing irreconcilable attention whoredom, have announced that their engagement is off. What's more—and we urge you now to take a seat if you aren't doing so already—the two will be going their separate ways forever. From usmagazine.com:

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Could it be that after years of acting like complete twonks, The Footy Show are starting to feel the effects of their knobbishness where it hurts - in the ratings?

Evidently viewers are deserting the show, particularly in Sydney, where dismal ratings are adding to Nine's already especially dire annus horribilis. Can anyone say "suck on it"?

The unexpected decline has been concentrated in the past three weeks, with the show struggling to top ABC1's political debate program Q&A - and being beaten by it in key periods.

While producers are at a loss to explain the sudden desertion, the show's founding executive producer believes the similar opinions of panel members Paul Vautin, Matthew Johns, Paul Harragon and Laurie Daley was turning the show "a little beige".

"They're very careful what they say about players and I understand why, but I don't think that necessarily helps out television," Gary Burns - now Nine's Event TV executive producer - said.

[...]

The Footy Show's Sydney audience fell to 186,000 viewers after Origin game three, a record low beaten last week when the audience plummeted to 166,000.

That's down from an average 271,000 viewers in March.

So, er, in that case, top work, Tony Jones!

At NBC's TCA press conference yesterday, network co-chairs Ben Silverman and Marc Graboff confirmed their plans to eject Jay Leno from The Tonight Show via jerry-rigged catapult device on May 29, 2009. That gives them only three rushed days to erect a new set and change the dressing room door names from "Kevin Eubanks" to "Masturbating Bear" for the premiere of replacement host, Conan O'Brien. There to press the executives on the questionably motivated decision to fire the highest-rated name in late night (Graboff insisted they'd like to keep Leno at NBC Universal, but give us a break): Leno himself, disguised in a bald wig, goatee, and glasses:

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