All The Hottest Diplomatic Gossip From The Latest Wikileak

The giant diplomatic cable dump released by Wikileaks today represents the world’s largest leak of geopolitical gossip: Diplomats tittering about world leaders’ sexxxy affairs, their financial skeeziness and weird quirks. Let’s dive in to a U.S. Embassy gossip roundup!

• Libyan President Mumammar al-Qadhafi apparently keeps a “voluptuous blonde” Ukranian nurse named Galyna Kolotnytska at his side at all times. According to one cable: “the Libyan Government sent a private jet to ferry her from Libya to Portugal to meet up with the Leader during his rest-stop. Some embassy contacts have claimed that Qadhafi and the 38 year-old Kolotnytska have a romantic relationship. While he did not comment on such rumours, a Ukrainian political officer recently confirmed that the Ukrainian nurses ‘travel everywhere with the Leader.’” The cable says the always with him because “she alone knows his routine.” Imagining this routine is the mental equivalent of the nuclear bomb Libya was trying to build in the early 2000s. [NYT]
• Qadhafi also uses botox, which is obvious because of how beautifully taught his skin is. [BoingBoing]
• Blind item! Which member of the royal family did something naughty? According to the Guardian, the Wikileaks dump includes “claims of inappropriate behaviour by a member of the British royal family.” But they offer no details! We are going to guess Harry, and we are going to guess it was something racist. [Guardian]
• Zimbabwean dictator/president Robert Mugabe is an idiot. So says a former U.S. ambassador to Zimbabwe in a cable! Mugabe sucks as a leader because of “his deep ignorance on economic issues (coupled with the belief that his 18 doctorates give him the authority to suspend the laws of economics, including supply and demand),” according to the cable. Oh, you did not just go there: In Zimbawae people have been disappeared for insulting just one of Mugabe’s doctorates. [NYT]
• Kim Jong-Il was described by a diplomatic source as a “flabby old chap.” That’s mean. So the guy has curves? We’re so sick of unrealistic body expectations for unhinged dictators. [Guardian]
• The U.S. spied on Ban Ki-moon and other UN leaders. Bet whoever had that snoozer wished they were put on the Qadhafi beat. [Guardian]
• Russian President Dmitry Medvedev and Prime minister Vladimir Putin’s relationship can be expressed in cartoon terms. Medvedev, “plays Robin to Putin’s Batman.” (Duh: Unlike Putin, Medvedev hasn’t put out massive forrest fires using only his two hands.) In other news: U.S. diplomats are huge nerds. [Guardian]
• Speaking of Vladimir Putin, he and staggeringly corrupt Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi are engaged in what BoingBoing appropriately terms a “bromance.” They exchange “lavish gifts” and energy contracts through a “shadowy” middle-man. [NYT]
• Afghanistan’s Vice President, Ahmed Zia Massoud was discovered to be carrying $US52 million in cash in the United Arab Emirates last year. He was allowed to keep the money. Nobody asked him where the money came from, which is probably a good thing. [NYT]
• Remember that massive hack attack on Google, which Google blamed on the Chinese government earlier this year? It totally was them! “China’s Politburo directed the intrusion into Google’s computer systems.” They’ve also hacked into U.S. computers and those belonging to the Dalai Lama. That’s right: China may have the Dalai Lama’s cock shots, if he forgot to erase them from his computer. [NYT]
• Yemeni President Ali Abdullah Saleh was “dismissive, bored and impatient,” during a meeting with Obama’s deputy national security adviser, John Brennan. [Guardian]

• [Image of Silvio Berlusconi and Vladimir Putin on holiday together via Reuters.]