Merry, Merry King Of The Bush Goes Back Into The Closet

It seems the unfathomably gay life of the Australian kookaburra is now over. No more sequins and good times for you, my little feathered friend! Oh, they’ve replaced your gay life with an allegedly “fun” one, but what does that mean exactly? Sinking cans of piss and watching V8 Supercars races in Bathurst? Pah. Your glitterball existence sounded way more exciting.

A school has banned the word “gay” from the classic Aussie song Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree. Students at Cheltenham’s Lepage Primary in Victoria have instead been told to sing “Fun your life must be”, the Herald Sun reports.

The principal seems to have had good intentions.

Principal Garry Martin said yesterday he taught the lyrics to grade one pupils using an old tape of the famous song.

“It uses gay and I just suggested to kids, ‘Nowadays that can mean different things, so let’s just sing a fun old time’,” he said. “It was my decision to replace it. I guess that was hypersensitive of me.”

Mr Martin said some children used “gay” to bully others without knowing the meaning of the expression. “Political correctness is to the fore in schools – what’s appropriate and what isn’t – and sometimes we rightly or wrongly err on the side of caution,” he said.

But even homosexuals like the brilliantly named Crusader Hillis think that Principal Martin might’ve gone a bit over the top with the lyric change.

Crusader Hillis, from gay and lesbian advocacy group the Also Foundation, said the ban was absurd. “Kids in schoolgrounds say ‘That’s so gay’ and that’s all fine. That’s just the way that language is,” he said. Mr Hillis said banning words because they had multiple meanings was wrong. “I don’t think that’s a very good message for kids to have, particularly when they’ve been working really hard to bring in respect and diversity into schools,” he said. “They’re drawing attention to it and being a bit stupid.”

Guess who else has piped up about this extremely important issue?

“THE LEAD SINGER OF MEN AT WORK?” – YOU

LOL, dude, too soon.

Norman Laurie, managing director of the song’s owner Larrikin Music, said the reasoning for changing the lyric was spurious. “It’s about as smart as banning Noddy books in libraries,” he said.

Noddy? That massive ‘mo? I’d totally forgotten about him and his utterly queer ways.

Mr Laurie said the school’s move was technically a copyright breach but he wouldn’t be taking any action.

Mr Laurie, your face is technically a breach.

LOVE YOU, MEN AT WORK! FOREVER ON YOUR SIDE!

MORE: Folksong Kookaburra just happy, definitely not gay, rules school