The Avengers Are Almost Ready To Avenge
They’ve just found their Hawkeye, so it’s just about time to go avengin’. Also today: investigating the mystery of Malin Akerman, some good news about Carrie Fisher, I Love You Phillip Morris is never coming out, and Brett Ratner. Ugh.
Bruce Willis, Forest Whitaker, and the frequently employed Malin Akerman will all appear in the crime indie Catch .44, about three girls terrorised by a creepy hitman (Whitaker) who works for a crime boss (Willis). Does Forest Whitaker only ever play creepy hitman? Hasn’t he done that like four times before? Also, what is the deal with Malin Akerman? What am I missing there? Her bland pleasantness was supposed to be kind of a joke on The Comeback, I thought. But it seems to keep getting her work! So who the hell knows. Do you suppose it might have something to do with her looks? I mean, that’s probably crazy talk, but it could be true. Who knows. Catch .44. It’s a play on words. Catch it. [Variety]
Bummed you missed Carrie Fisher’s successful, well-reviewed live show Wishful Drinking? Well bum no more! HBO is producing a documentary about the damn thing, which will feature show footage as well as some retrospective bits about Fisher’s life and stuff. This is good. Carrie Fisher is good. HBO is, more often than not, good. Everything’s good about this. I mean, except the difficult subject matter. That’s not good per se, but you know. [THR]
Stars who were supposed to be big but never quite made it Joseph Fiennes and Eva Green have been cast in a new Starz show called, ominously, Camelot. Yeah, as in that Camelot. Fiennes will play Merlin while Green plays Morgana, the evil (or misunderstood) sorceress. If Spartacus: Blood and Sand is any indication of how the Starz (bet they love having that “z” now that they’re trying to be all legit!) network handles period pieces, one shouldn’t hold one’s breath hoping that this will be the definitive Arthurian retelling or whatever. If we’re going by Sparaticus, it will be lotsa ham-slamming melodrama. Which is fine! Ham-slammin’ has its place. But it probably won’t elevate Starzzzz to the plane of Showtime or HBO any time soon. Anyway. Jamie Campbell Bower, who played the lovesick young Anthony in Sweeney Todd, will play Arthur in the series. He’s sort of interesting! So there’s that, at least. [Deadline]
Oh for heaven’s sake. I Love You Phillip Morris, the most delayed movie in delayed movie history, has been delayed yet again. This time it isn’t any studio squeamishness over all the gross icky gay stuff (Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor play men who kiss and touch each other), it has something to do with a court case about distribution rights and stuff. Sigh. We can’t even get all riled up about homophobic America. I suppose we’ll just have to start a rally to protest… the byzantine bylaws of distributing a film. Or something. We’re never gonna see this movie, huh? [EW]
Newly hot Jeremy Renner is close to signing a deal to play Hawkeye, a villain turned hero, in the upcoming Avengers superhero picture, which Joss Whedon is directing. So Renner would join Robert Downey Jr. as Ironmunn, Scarlize Jeron as Sexysuit, Chris Evans as Captain America (whose own movie hasn’t come out yet), Chris Hemsworth as Thor (whose own movie also hasn’t come out yet), Samuel L. Jackson as Samuel L. Jackson With An Eye Patch, and Don Cheadle as Terrence Howard. Quite a cast! Quite an ambitious project, too. This is going to compete with the Justice League movie that stars like Adam Brody and some other fools. I think I know which one will win! Though, I was pretty sure about that whole Studio 60 vs 30 Rock thing too. And we all know how that ended. We also know that, defying all odds, Dante’s Peak was way better than Volcano! Deep Impact blew Armageddon to smithereens! And then there were those Truman Capote movies. Which, you know. Anyway, yay Avengers! Your superheros are way lamer, but your cast is way better. [THR]
Artistic genius Brett Ratner is working to produce a twiisssttedddd Snow White story update that’ll be in 3D, just like this year’s boffo Alice in Wonderland. He calls it “edgy”. Ah, “edgy”. A word whose very use denies its meaning. You know? Isn’t that funny? There aren’t many words like that. But if you call something “edgy”, it is immediately not edgy. A paradox. The universe crumples and disappears. Thanks a lot, Brett Ratner. Thanks a whole hell of a lot. [Cinematical]