Only ‘Wii’ Can Save Grandma From Alzheimer’s (Get It?)

Scared of getting Alzheimer’s? Just guzzle some “relaxation drink”, eat a “horseshoe sandwich” and wobble on the Wii. You’ll forget all about it. It’s time for your daily health watch, where we watch your health – dangerously!

• Alzheimer’s: Is there anything we can do about it, or should we just let old people get old and get Alzheimer’s and not sit around worrying about it all the time, cause hey, welcome to biology? That’s a horrible thing to say. Scientists now tell us you can stave off Alzheimer’s by doing crosswords, playing Connect 4 and playing on the Wii. If you haven’t played the Wii with your grandma lately, you are a horrible person (according to science).
• “A sensible approach to diet and exercise.” Yea you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Drop and give me 50.
• All those “relaxation beverages” you hear so much about (just go with it) – what is the deal with them, really? Not alcohol, hahahahaha! Science joke. We’re talking about those “herbal” drinks that “calm” and “relax” and “chill” you. Not opium, hahahaha! Chemistry joke. Well scientists say all these drinks do exist and they have all types of crazy ingredients, who knows, it’s your funeral, buddy.
• Have you ever had a “horseshoe sandwich?” Well if you have you’re probably not healthy because a horsehoe sandwich involves “stuffing the meat and fries into a tortilla, which stands in for the bread, and dunking the mass in a deep-fryer before ladling on the cheese sauce.” And it has 2700 calories so don’t eat it, scientists say. Too late.