After We’re Gone, Celebrity Wang Lives On In Our Hearts

Sparkly vampire Robert Pattinson’s big orgy debut angers his non-sparkly girlfriend! Lindsay Lohan is out on the town, partying again. A-Rod dumped his new girlfriend. Oprah has secrets. Presenting my final Gossip Roundup:

• Lindsay Lohan sucks. [NYDN]

• A-Rod sucks. [Page Six]

• Tyra Banks sucks. [Page Six]

• Charlie Sheen sucks. [TMZ]

• The Black Eyed Peas suck. Unless they’re punching Perez Hilton in the face. [Page Six]

• Britney Spears sucks. [Just Jared]

• Oprah sucks. [TMZ]

• Robert Pattinson and an orgy. [The Sun]

• U2 sucks, but only recently, particularly over the last decade. [HuffPo]

• Something about Lady Gaga’s penis. [Page Six]

• Chris Rock is the man. [Just Jared]

• Janice Dickenson sucks. [TMZ]

[Image not via The Smithsonian Archive. That turned out far stranger than I'd originally anticipated. Still, I enjoy it. Also, if I ever put "Photoshop Proficient" on my resume, at least you know I'm lying now.]