Kim Kardashian Outs Air Marshal While On Plane, Via Twitter

Don’t worry, she followed it up with “shhh”. Kelly Osbourne and Peaches Geldof’s elaborate dance of avoidance implodes. John Mayer’s so far gone, even Oprah won’t touch him. Wednesday gossip cometh.

• Kim Kardashian revealed the identity of an air marshal on Twitter, while she was sitting next to him on the plane: “RELAX I just told u guys the Air Marshall is sitting next to me, highly doubt anyone is twittering like me on this flight! shhh.” [AnimalNY]
• Britney Spears’ lawyers want Britney and her sons’ medical records legally sealed. They argue that the incentive to leak the documents is so great (“millions of dollars”) that ethics alone are not enough to protect them. Is this related to Brit’s recent trip to Cedars Sinai’s paediatric hospital? The intensity of my curiosity perhaps proves their point. [TMZ]
• Lisa Rinna regained momentary control of her stiff, plastic face to criticise Heidi Montag’s stiff, plastic everything. [P6]
• John Mayer is so awful, even Oprah can’t rehabilitate him. Apparently he’s persona non grata on the Queen of Televised Apologies’ set. Notes Popeater’s Rob Shuter: “You know you’ve done when Oprah won’t let you boost her show’s ratings.” [NBN]
• Megan Fox’s W interview is finally available online, and it looks like she’s over her sexy shock jock phase and onto an intelligent vulnerable victim image, obsessing about “self-loathing”, “feel[ing] intimidated by fashion”, and how her irrepressible sexiness tortures her. [W]
• In Brazil, Gerard Butler is hanging out with a Playboy model, Nicole Scherzinger, Madonna and Jesus Luz. He’s a photo-op-hopper. [P6]
• Kelly Osbourne and Peaches Geldof hate each other so much they must schedule their Fashion Week appearances to prevent overlap. Kelly’s winning this season: She walked the runway for Naomi Campbell’s Fashion for Relief show, whereas Peaches could barely steal a pap snap (I think I just made that term up! Gross or appropriate?) at Diane von Furstenberg’s show. They finally collided at the G-Star Raw show, but the fireworks were minimal. [P6]
• Tila Tequila fake-killed the fake-baby from her fake-pregnancy, which frees her to fake-adopt the fake-Russian fake-baby she’s been tweeting about. Soon, we will discover Tila herself is fake, part of Playboy.com’s new holographic sexbot program. The holographs are rebelling. Quick, run to the boob bunker and shield yourself with silicone. [Celebitchy]
• Ralph Lauren insisted on stapling oversized polo logos on the US Olympics uniforms, which has enraged the randomest subsets of people, like the Daughters of the American Revolution, where members think Ralph is unpatriotic and are contemplating a potentially economy-crippling Polo shirt boycott. Those ladies are the Cosa Nostra of the Country Club set. [P6]
• Brittany Murphy’s father – who was not listed on her death certificate – says cemetery officials bounced him, nightclub-style, when he tried to visit Britt’s grave. Does that actually happen? [TMZ]
• Gossip Girl dad Matthew Settle is reportedly breaking up with his hot blonde wife, and was spotted channelling his energy into hanging out with the actor who plays Eric. Ever since it fictionally and metaphorically killed Mischa Barton, the CW has had a way of turning its plots into reality. [P6]
• Maroon 5′s Adam Levine played beer pong in public on Valentine’s Day. That he was with a Russian model Anna Vyalitsyna makes it even worse. You’re one of the most beautiful women on the planet, and you still get stuck playing beer pong on Valentine’s Day? [P6]