Brangelina vs Queen Kardashian In Super Attention-Seeking Bowl

Did Brangelina’s presence make the Saints win, or was it Kim Kardashian’s tight end? Beyonce falls during a concert, Dr Murray visits Jacko’s tomb, Jen and Gerard go to Cabo, Carrie Prejean gets engaged. Monday gossip, yours for the taking.

• It is a truth universally acknowledged that a nationally televised event watched by millions is in want of celebrity randos with disparate PR motives contriving photo ops. Kim Kardashian won the Super Attention-Seeking Bowl, since her giant butt (itself a national pastime) all butt secured the win for boyfriend Reggie Bush’s team. She wore a bizarrely shoulder-padded tweed blazer (Who wears tweed to a football game? Unless it’s Harvard-Yale and you’re a Kennedy, maybe.) and grabbed Reggie for awkward congratulatory “kisses”. [fig.1] Brangelina also made an appearance, their joint outing since the break-up rumour. They cheered for the Saints (since they are New Orleaners) and Maddox wore a charming hat. Unfortunately, since he was forced to sit next to his dad’s Rasta beret and scraggly beard, they looked like a tired jazz ensemble playing for nickels on the subway. [DailyMail] [DailyMail]
• Other Super Attention-Seeking Bowl contenders: Tom Cruise playing the “family man” with Suri, Katie and son Connor; Hillary Swank looked coltish while cheering for the Saints; Ashton and Demi looking saintly while cheering for the Colts; J.Lo and Marc Anthony looking gracious even though the Miami Dolphins, which they partially own, were far from Super Bowl material this year. [Popeater] [DailyMail]
• Late to the game: Carrie Prejean announced her engagement to St. Louis Rams star and Ken doll clone Kyle Boller, but since his team wasn’t in the Super Bowl, and since she wasn’t naked, it went mostly unnoticed. [E!]
• Dr Conrad Murray visited Michael Jackson’s tomb, which he probably thought would seem sympathetic heading into his involuntary manslaughter charge, when in fact it was just creepy. [TMZ]
• “I’m very fragile,” says Heidi Montag. “I’m not in a great place right now.” We know. [People]
• Performing in Brazil, Beyonce fell. It almost looks like part of the choreography, but this mobile phone video makes me motion sick, so you’ll have to assess it on your own.
• Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are really committing to this “relationship”. They’re in Cabo San Lucas together for Jen’s 41st birthday celebration. Courteney Cox and Sheryl Crow are there, too. [DailyMail]
• Charlie Sheen will be charged with felony menacing today for his Christmas switchblade attack on wife Brooke Mueller, but he might take a plea deal if the DA lets him drop it to a misdemeanour. Is there anything left to say on this case, other than a shudder and prolonged sigh? [TMZ]
• Michelle Trachtenberg tells a revenge story: Her teen nemesis brutalised her – “this one girl threw me down a flight of stairs, fractured my ribs, punched and fracture my nose” – but then, years later, they act like old friends and go to restaurants together despite Michelle’s still-seething hatred? “We were coming out of a restaurant and there was a wall of like 20 paparazzi… I turned to her and was like, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I’m really famous. They need to take my picture. Sucks for you.’” Hollywood makes no sense. [P6]
• Diddy didn’t sleep for 78 hours. Shouldn’t he be dead or something? [Twitter]

Figure 1.