Things Recently Learned About Andrea Corr’s August Wedding

I realise that a website that proudly boasts about its Two Day Old News Desk TM probably isn’t the first place you’d go for breaking news, but if you were a Corrs fan anxiously awaiting coverage of singer Andrea Corr’s wedding to a billionaire’s son, then I’ve let you down particularly badly.Truthfully, I cannot even file this story under Two Month Old News Desk TM. But look – here I am at a cafe with a copy of HELLO! Magazine dated August 31st, and I feel like talking about the spectacular Oirish wedding featured inside. Can you indulge me?

Right. I know we’re all busy people and this story is positively ancient, so on the off chance you know nothing about Andrea Corr’s August nuptials and you’re “Breathless” (<--- GREAT CORRS JOKE!!!!) with anticipation, here is everything you need to know in deliciously concise point form.

- She married a very rich man called Brett.
- She wore Vera Wang, and was half an hour late to the ceremony.
- Someone else who was late to the ceremony? Fucking Bono.
- In fact, Bono "arrived with his designer wife [ED: where does one buy a designer wife? Can I get a cheap knock off from the markets cos I'm a little broke right now?] Ali Hewson in a sleek Maserati sports car five minutes after the service had been due to start”.
- “Andrea, 35, graciously accepted the warm greetings of locals who wished her all the best for her special day. ‘Thank you,’ she said, smiling broadly. ‘Thank you very much.’ I AM CURRENTLY WRITING A STRONGLY WORDED EMAIL TO THE VATICAN ASKING THEM TO OFFICIALLY DECLARE ANDREA CORR A SAINT BEFORE THE YEAR IS THROUGH.
- Surprisingly, someone at HELLO! Magazine managed to recognise Andrea’s brother Jim Corr in the crowd of well wishing peasants, and so he manages to get quoted in the article, saying that Brett is “such a lovely guy”. Good to know.

I need to go and laugh at some horse-faced minor royalty in the social snaps section of HELLO! Magazine now, but do stick around because at the rate I’m going, I’ll soon be breaking the story of Elvis’s toilet death, Kurt Cobain’s suicide, and guess who won the Battle of Hastings? KEEP REFRESHING TO FIND OUT, THE SHOCKING ANSWER WILL BE ONLINE SOON AND YOU WON’T BELIEVE THE RESULT!