Brittany’s Personal Pharmacy List Revealed

The collective desire to find something to blame for Brittany Murphy’s untimely death channels itself into autopsy results and prescription obsessing; Posh Spice does “the robot”; Lance Bass gay-boyfriends for Jamie-Lynn Sigler; porn star hates sex. Tuesday gossip, anon.

• Brittany Murphy gossip dump: The result of her autopsy were “normal”, though I don’t know why they even bother saying that, because the toxicology, histopathology and neuropathology results (whatever those latter two are) won’t be back for days. The coroner reports “large amounts of prescription medication” in Brittany’s home, including multiple downers, pain medications and scripts for mental illness. Brittany had a will, which she executed before meeting husband Simon Monjack, nobody knows whether she amended it. HuffPo performs an exhaustive analysis of a lifetime of fluctuating Brittany Murphy weights, if you’re into that sort of thing. [TMZ] [TMZ] [TMZ] [HuffPo]
• Studio execs want Robert Downey Jr to quit with the “Sherlock Holmes is about gay love. “The studio wants to position this as an action-packed adventure, not Brokeback Mountain 2.” But if it were going for Brokeback, what would the porn parody be? Sherlock Bones? Sheman Moans? Someone figure out a decent pun. [Popeater]
• Jude Law’s assistant, male model Ben Jackson, went on a date with Rachel McAdams, who co-starred with Law and Downey in Sherlikes Humps. This item gives hope to starf—ker celebrity assistants everywhere. [NYDN]
• Attending a matinee of Jersey Boys with her family, Victoria Beckham did “the robot” while son Cruz breakdanced. Please say someone had a camera. [Mirror]
• Sometimes the British tabloids are so full of boldface, asterisks and bollocks-y slang I am unable to decipher their meaning. Case in point: this item about Amy Winehouse, who either kicked a guy in the balls while pantsing the stars of a theatrical performance of Cinderella, or is fairy godmother to Mickey Rooney and had sex with the doorman at a funeral. [Sun]
• Let’s assess the likelihood of the latest Tiger Woods rumours. “Might be appearing on Saturday Night Live”: Very low. “After stocking up on provisions from Costco… set sail on his yacht, Privacy”: Better. [ShowBizSpy]
• Alec Baldwin uses a butt double in It’s Complicated. Phew. [Gatecrasher]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler broke up with her boyfriend Jerry Ferrera, so she called up her gay best friend Lance Bass and they spent the day shopping in Manhattan, then saw a Broadway show and hung out at Susan Sarandon’s ping pong bar in Gramercy. I love it when celebrities actually lead the lives I imagine for them. [Gatecrasher]
• Rachel Uchitel took a “leisurely stroll along the Palm Beach shore”, but there aren’t enough paparazzi pics to tell if it was staged. Perhaps I am speaking only for myself, but when I go to the beach, I either swim around in the water or sit in a pile of dirt and stare vacantly at the water. But it seems celebrities are perpetually in the midst of slow-motion strolls, and getting in and out of the water, which is why, every time I see a photo of a woman strolling beside aquamarine waves, wine whipping through her hair, I am inclined to doubt the candidness. [NYP]
• Maria Shriver broke some more traffic laws. How have they not gotten her a chauffeur yet? [P6]
• The former first couple of porn, Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld, are fighting and they’re dragging each others’ sex drives into it. Tera said Evan chose porn over her; Evan says Tera didn’t actually like sex: “She’s not a sexual person. We barely had sex in our own marriage.” It is comforting, somehow, to know that not all porn stars are megasexual freaks of nature. [P6]