The Inevitable Tila Tequila Sex Tape Has Landed

A sex tape is such an obvious beat in the narrative arc of Tila Tequila – sexxxy internet celebrity and MTV reality queen – that it’s barely news. Actually, it seems like the most posed “sex” tape we’ve ever seen.

The 10-second tape – which shows Ms. Tequila playing with a man’s penis and then show’s the man’s face before ending abruptly – was put up on a free porn site. Tila says that the scene was on her laptop which was stolen about two weeks ago, and her lawyer is threatening to sue whoever leaked the footage (it’s good sized, but not a foot – zing!).

That seems unwise, because what this tape seems to say is, “Hi, I’m Tila Tequila. This is my sex tape. This is the guy I made it with. Please pay attention to us.” And this comes less than a week after she got naked and ranted on her UStream page, so she has been begging for some negative attention of the dirty variety.

We have no clue who the guy is, but he’s not unattractive – well, for a dude getting his dick molested by Tila Tequila. He kind of looks like Russell Brand’s hot brother. As Defamer’s resident vagina expert, I can guarantee that there is no vagina in this tape. However, there is a whole lot of sadness.

If you really need to see the footage, it is on a site called 4tube.com that is very NSFW (unless you work in a Thai brothel). It is also not safe for your sanity.