Shakira Sang What?

Many years ago on Another Website™, I republished a little quiz I’d created for another Another Website™ a few years earlier which was all about the lyrics of slightly mad pop star Shakira. It was called ‘Shakira Sang What?’ and, inspired by this morning’s belated She Wolf appreciation, I think I’m going to re-republish it here. This makes me the laziest person on earth, I know, but I do so enjoy revisiting Shakira’s batshit crazy lyrics.

The quiz is multiple choice, and requires viewers to work out which line is a real Shakira lyric, and which is simply nonsense I made up out of boredom. The real lyrics are taken from both Shakira’s English output (only one album’s worth, at the time) and her Google translated Spanish lyrics.

Go on, have a crack at it and guess the legitimate lyric!

SHAKIRA SANG WHAT?!

1. In “Whenever, Wherever” Shakira sings the line…

- Lucky that my tits aren’t a sagging couple
- Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
- Lucky that my rectum rarely rumbles

2. In “Ready For The Good Times” Shakira sings the line…

- I used to read survival guides, when the world was cruel and I was very fat
- I used to read survival guides, when my world was full of seven legged cats
- I used to read survival guides, when my world was new and full of two-headed bats

3. In “Poem To A Horse” (no, really) Shakira sings the line….

- I’d rather eat my soup with a fork or drive a cab to New York
- I’d rather eat my poo with a fork or drive a cab to New York
- I’d rather eat my soup with a spoon and sound less of a loon

4. In “Poem To A Horse” (yet again!) Shakira sings the line…

- I start out playing with myself, and put my fingers in my shell
- You start out playing with yourself, you have more fun with you as well
- You start out playing with yourself, you get more fun within your shell

5. In “Eyes like yours” Shakira sings the line…

- For lack of inspiration ya he ya he ya la he
- For lack of imagination ya he ya he ya la he
- Mental constipation ya he ya he ya la he

6. In “Objection” Shakira sings the line…

- Next to her cheap silicone I look minimal, that’s why in front of your eyes I’m invisible
- Next to her I look invisible, that’s why I always feel so miserable
- Next to her breasts my silicone is invisible, that’s why my breasts look so damn minimal

7. In “The One” Shakira sings the line…

- So I find a reason to wake up, each and every single morning
- So I find a reason to shave my legs each single morning
- So I smell a little, so what, I shower each single morning

8. In “Octavo Dia” Shakira sings the line

- Like playing cards I am not the idiot class
- Like chess cards I am not the idiot class
- Like a bad chess player I am the idiot class

9. In “Si Te Vas” Shakira sings the line…

- When her wrinkles fold her skin and cellulite covers her legs
- When my wrinkles fold my skin and cellulite covers my legs
- Yo mama’s wrinkles fold her skin and cellulite covers her legs

10. In “Un Poco De Amor” Shakira sings the line…

- Stringing nets together to see if I can capture you
- Practicing lassoing to see if I can capture you
- Knitting hairnets to see if I can capture you

11. In “Quiero” Shakira sings the line…

- I want to stretch out, chase you, mock you
- I want to stretch out, touch you, f*ck you
- I want to stretch out, chase you, hit you

12. In “Vuelve” Shakira sings the line…

- Like a poor Buddhist stuck in Meditation
- Like a poor Christian stuck in Roman Imperialism
- Like a poor Chinamen stuck in Communism

13. In “Vuelve” (again!) Shakira sings the line…

- That from anguish I have bitten my own elbows
- That from anguish I have bitten my own tongue
- That from anguish I have bitten my own ear

14. In “Pies Descalzos, Suenos Blancos” Shakira sings the line…

- You remained nude and you came across my face
- You remained nude and you came across heathens
- You remained nude and you came across dinosaurs

15. In “Se Quiere, Se Mata” Shakira sings the line…

- Braulio has large eyes and blonde hair, he rarely speaks and has never slept nude
- Braulio has large eyes and dark hair, he never overeats and has never slept nude
- Braulio has a large arse covered in hair, he’s always overeating and nude

I really do love Shakira – almost as much as I love Celine Dion.