Dina Lohan: Lindsay Punched Me In The Face

Dina Lohan recounts corporal punishment at daughter Lindsay’s hands, Tom Cruise converses with doorknobs, Natalie Portman wishes she didn’t take it off. Come, stroke the supple hide of today’s gossip.

• Dad of the Year Michael Lohan released a recorded phone conversation to Radar, in which ex-wife Dina Lohan laments trouble child Lindsay. (Is that legal?) “You don’t even know what I went through trying to get her into, like, rehab and stuff,” Dina says with a flat affect. “[She'd] punch me in the face, threw me out of the car. Like, you don’t know the [expletive] I went through trying to get her an intervention by myself. It was very difficult.” Michael admits, “I’m being a bit selfish in releasing the tapes.” On the other hand, he is being altruistic about making it really easy for his traumatised family to cut him out of their lives and never look back. [Radar]
• Rihanna says her new album — you know, the one where she sings about a guy sticking a gun in her mouth and forcing her to pull the trigger? — helped her get over Chris Brown. “Making this album was my recovery. It’s the way I vented and expressed myself.” In case it has not yet become apparent: These songs should never be used for seduction. [ShowBizSpy]
• Tom Cruise once spent three weeks talking to “books, bottles, and door knobs” as part of a Scientology exercise to “rehabilitate your ability to control things. And to be controlled,” explains investigative Scientology reporter Marc Headley, whose book, Blown for Good, is asking for a gay Tom Cruise joke, but since the past participle is throwing me off, I’m going to skip it. [National Enquirer]
• Natalie Portman is embarrassed that everyone’s seen her naked. In 1999 she made the Anywhere But Here crew rewrite a scene so she wouldn’t have to be naked: “I was figuring out my own sexual identity, likes and dislikes and all that stuff, and it’s weird to be doing stuff on film as you’re figuring it out.” Luckily, she figured it out in time to get naked for Hotel Chevalier, so everyone wins. [ShowBizSpy]
• Oprah wants Rosie to quit calling her gay. The latter said on Howard Stern’s radio show that that Oprah and bestie Gayle King aren’t “necessarily doing each other”, just that their road trip was “as gay as it gets”. But an anonymous source said Oprah “exploded” and was “so furious” she sent a “warning message” to Rosie, because it’s one thing if Howard Stern calls you gay, but Rosie is one of them which is far more dangerous, much like the time the kid with duct tape on the bridge of his eyeglasses called me his friend in front of the entire fifth-grade class, forever marking me a Loser. [National Enquirer]
• Frighteningly fit tennis star Andy Roddick and his frighteningly gorgeous wife Brooklyn Decker are shopping for a tasteful riverfront apartment in DUMBO. Of course. [P6]